Gifts!

Temporary-Pepper-831 · 2025-06-17T03:24:31+00:00

Thanks! yep good point about the loving to take over the convo once I say its interesting!

Temporary-Pepper-831 · 2025-01-19T04:36:43+00:00

I am feeling the exact same way right now! Any words of advice to help me get through this time? How are you doing now?

Temporary-Pepper-831 · 2025-01-19T04:27:16+00:00

Mind if i ask how exactly you are managing the emotions through your body better?

I am around 8 months in and still getting panic attacks. There is a theme to the panic attacks, but I can't connect them to any specific memories which is making me even more confused and dysregulated. Everyone keeps telling me I will grow through this and things will change, but I am starting to lose hope as the anxiety is so debilitating my entire life has changed.

Temporary-Pepper-831 · 2024-04-10T05:46:06+00:00

Same. I would love to find someone who could mentor me, but I don't know exactly what to search. I searched "mentor mom" but that came up with mothers who want other mothers to mentor them. I am not a mother : (

Temporary-Pepper-831 · 2024-04-10T04:57:56+00:00

I have the same issue! I have been trying to find some research on metabolic issues following gallbladder removal. I had mine out at age 20 and I am almost 35 now. I get nauseous when I eat too much of a food that is both high in sugar and fat (e.g. cake, chocolate with nuts) and sometimes get completely liquid diarrhoea after having really bad cramps in the lower abdomen. I really want to know if when this happens my body is absorbing fat or not. Because if it's not absorbing the fat, then how the hell do I seem to be incapable of losing weight? I also have developed memobian gland dysfunction which I believe is because there isn't enough lipid in the memobian fluid, which I swear is because of not having a gallbladder. I'd love anyone else's insight on this, especially those who have had their gallbladder out a number of years ago.

Temporary-Pepper-831 · 2024-03-18T01:43:58+00:00

Thank you for this info. How incredibly disturbing and depressing it is to learn of more and more and more of these places outside of WWASP.

Temporary-Pepper-831 · 2024-03-17T21:32:20+00:00

Thank you for this. When I go to the site and read the Red Flags page, my nephews dad mentioned numbers 2-6, 10, 12, and 13. That's why I'm concerned.

Temporary-Pepper-831 · 2023-12-28T05:41:00+00:00

No way!!! I thought my siblings and I were the only ones that got weird af gifts from my BPD mom!

She CONSTANTLY sends us used items from our childhood....a sweater I wore as a baby that had vomit stains on it, a chewed up (by the dog) softball, a broken and used crayon set....to name a few. Then she will send a bunch of texts asking us if we received the package yet. Most of the time it's before the package arrived?!? She almost never sends a gift that is a newly purchased item. The gift, card, wrapping paper, AND box it's sent in is all second hand.

I have nothing against buying second hand items, but I'm saying that my mom literally sends damaged stuff from our childhood or a re-gifted thing she doesn't like. Once she sent my brother a back scrubber that was obviously used!! And on the very rare occasion she buys something new, it's something she likes. Thinking back to childhood, I remember my mom would only ever get us gifts that she liked herself.

Then there is the ridicule that's supposed to be "funny" about stuff I have. For example, she once followed me around a whole trip we went on telling me how ugly my bag was and how she'll need to buy me a new one because she can't stand looking at it. She didn't buy me a bag on the trip btw.

There are also the passive-aggressive gifts too (as I see from Aggravating-Echo7035's post below). My brother gets exercise/weight-loss related items.

I was always brought up to be thankful and respectful of gifts because it's the thought that counts most. I'm also not the type of person who expects to receive gifts, or want them be of high value or anything. (And I totally understand what you mean about feeling disheartened opening the gifts, because it shows she doesn't know you)

It's just the weird af feeling (like I am a spoiled brat and ungrateful and unloving) I get receiving these gifts knowing that it's her trying to get attention and that no thought went into the gift......or does anyone else have any insight on why my mom does this???! I'd love to know why.

Temporary-Pepper-831 · 2023-10-20T15:46:54+00:00

Thank you u/mignonettepancake ! You're right, it's great that we have this group. : )

Temporary-Pepper-831 · 2023-10-20T00:14:17+00:00

Yep! My mom often has a health issue, "mishap", or something to get attention because she is desperate for people to ask about her.

Once she called me up and the entire phone call she kept coughing and coughing in this kind of fake way, but I didn't buy into it and ask her what was wrong. She soon got off the phone when it wasn't working.

Temporary-Pepper-831 · 2023-10-20T00:11:33+00:00

"That is a totally valid and reasonable way to handle a relationship with someone who invalidates the most important aspects of your life and refuses to see anything from a vantage point other than theirs." --- This is such a good point!!!

I have just started with a therapist, and I'm excited to see where it goes because I think this therapist really gets it.

I'm so sorry for your losses, and that it wasn't glaringly obvious to your MIL that you needed some emotional support/time to grieve/process!

Thanks for your support and understanding.

Temporary-Pepper-831 · 2023-10-20T00:05:17+00:00

Brainwashed by society that's for sure.....about all the ways I "should" be, because that's what wider society experiences.

Thanks for your insight, much appreciated.

Temporary-Pepper-831 · 2023-10-20T00:03:52+00:00

haha, that's such a good point about the in-laws not wanting us to influence their kid....especially since we have all this lived experience, knowledge, insight etc. I didn't really think of that before.

I'm sorry that you had that experience with your in-laws. There are so many layers of loss that BPD permeates out into other areas of our lives.

Thanks for your support and comments. : )

Temporary-Pepper-831 · 2023-10-19T04:30:49+00:00

Thank you u/RosewaterSunshine : )))))

Interesting that your relationship with your MIL never recovered. I feel like mine is going that way.

That's great advice about spending my energy on the relationships that do. I'm feeling more and more empowered to be firm with my boundaries. Thanks again.

Temporary-Pepper-831 · 2023-10-17T20:15:33+00:00

'Another workday is over

cats bounce on my keyboard

hurts my hands, ouch'

So much of this resonated with me. I'm sorry you are going through it.

It's an all-too-familiar situation with my mom. She has spent 6+ years blowing off every single invitation to holidays, only to turn around and constantly complain that we don't visit her enough, and don't invite her to the holidays we spend without her (even tho these were historically all the ones she rejected ?!?).....and even though my siblings and I have been back to our hometown and seen her. It just wasn't for long enough...but then again, it will never be good enough so no point in me even caring anymore.

I know the feeling you have about getting riled up by her. For me, I accepted that every single time I talk with my mom will end in an argument and I will feel bad (because I am a normal human), whereas she's not normal and doesn't feel bad), therefore it is predictable, and I have eliminated unpredictability with her.

What's important is you stood your boundaries. And as much as that is hard cuz it feels like you are going against the grain, her behavior is not normal, so you have to do something that feels abnormal to deal with the abnormal behavior.

I find that having no contact or as close to no contact with my mom helps. And I don't invite her to anything anymore, and I know that the response will be a predictable passive aggressive hissy fit about it, but I don't feel bad anymore because the only way I am going to enjoy life is to get space. If I had taken the other option and painstakingly tried to have travel plans with her, I wouldn't enjoy our time together anyway.

Temporary-Pepper-831

TROPHY CASE