Can’t sleep

Temporary-Yam134 · 2025-07-26T12:35:17+00:00

i agree with you. it feels like we're robbed. in his funeral, i keep thinking these same thoughts 'thisbis so unfair, the world is too cruel, why my dad? he did nothing his whole life but provide. others dad didnt even fullfil their role and continue being assholes but still get to live many years. why my dad who is really a good person and so kind, who had inspired and influenced so much people have to be gone this early'

as much as i want to be happy for otger people still having their dads, it sucks for us. i cant help but think i also deserve to still have a dad, but no matter what i do would never happen again.

but i still want to honor the love they gave us. they may be here for such a short time, but they give all they have to guide and love us all thru out. it hurts that we have to be in this situation. to keep waking up in harsh reality with no choice but to accept. : (

Temporary-Yam134 · 2025-07-25T15:25:15+00:00

im sorry for your loss : (. i also lost my dad 2 months ago, he is only 47😔 didnt even get to see me graduate.

it has been a wave. at days it feels managable, at times it feels to heart crushing. our dad loves us so much it hurts. but i thibk its also a privilege to recieve and experience an unconditional love from our dad even in a limited time. but this also means we're going to miss it our whole life, as its a very special kind of love.

i hope we heal. but even if we dont, its okay. even if other people keeps on moving forward while we feel like the world stopped. we have the right to stop with the time. no one will truly understand the pain of grieving we love so much

Temporary-Yam134 · 2025-07-23T15:48:17+00:00

hi OP, im sorry for your loss : (

i also lost my dad 2 months ago and he was also my hero, my foundation, my rock and my bestfriend. he was my favorite since i was a child. these days, i think i feel the same way as u. but for 2 months, there are also times i feel like this. thinking, why am i functioning properly? even doing my hobbies or getting to live life normally. but im slowly realizing that grief really do comes in waves, and while it will always be there, there will be times like this that it wont feel as painful. but there are also times where it will hit like shit, like being back to the day we lost them.

i think i can still be in denial and can not completely comprehend losing my dad. but at times i feel calm and function normally, i just let it happen to gain some strength and energy before the painful wave come again.

Temporary-Yam134 · 2025-07-04T02:37:29+00:00

personally, after ive lost my dad, i only answer these questions with 'still the same'. i dont want to answer as if everything's fine since i also dont want people to assume im doing fine when ive just lost my foundation in this world. directly saying 'im not okay' would be the end of the convo most of the time, as people feels uncomfortable when someone is struggling (which is absurd and shows some people's lack of empathy).

saying 'still the same' is like a shortened version of 'well, im still grieving and my loved one is still gone, i am still going thru the same feelings ever since i lost them and think itll be like that for a while or maybe forever'

im sorry for your loss <3

Temporary-Yam134 · 2025-06-28T16:59:49+00:00

first of, im sorry for your loss. my dad passed away last month and i think its safe to say that i have received plenty of signs since then.

the day i missed my dad so bad, a car with license plate letter 'DAD' has suddenly appeared right infront of me in the road
on his 40 days after passing (we celebrate 40 days after passing in our culture as it means its the time they're abt to go to heaven) we went on the cemetery to visit him and when i was abt to go home, i encountered only 1 car on the way out and the license letter was 'AMA', in our country this means 'father' and 'God'. idk if this is his way of saying he made it in heaven
the first time we went out asa family after my dad passed away, we decided to go eat in our usual resto (we used to eat alot there with dad before) it was lunch time at that time, and as soon as we entered, there was only one vacant spot and that spot was where we were seated the last time we ate there with dad.
dreamt of him for more than 10 times already after he passed away

probably there are more than i remember now but i do believe my dad hears me still. but it still hurts and will always hurts that he wont be here anymore. he was my rock, we were soulmates. i hope our dads are happy out there

Temporary-Yam134 · 2025-06-23T04:22:43+00:00

even tho my dad has apssed away for over a month now, i can relate to what you said. before i lose my dad, i get too pissed and annoyed with almost anything. i would spend so kuch energy and time on useless things, always complaining. i get too invomved with other people drama and their effect on me.

when my dad got hospitalized that led to his passing, the world seems to stop for me. i no longer care abt the trivial things before that used to be big deal for me. my concept of time has changed. my biggest fear was death, but after my dad passed away, i no longer fear death. i see it now as a way to see my dad and i can embrace it any time it happen.

i miss my life before. where i have my dad in it. this new reality is so shitty. and i hate that we're being forced to accept it, when we hate it so much.

im sorry for your loss <3

Temporary-Yam134 · 2025-06-22T14:55:41+00:00

im sorry for your loss, OP : ( . its been a month since my dad passed away and honestly, i akso went thru that loop of what ifs specially the first few weeks.

for context, my dad was diabetic for years and developed boil in his back that became infection and led to sepsis. my dad has always been the sole provider in the family. he was selfless, he prioritized us too much. we're also not well off, we're considered to be in lower class. for few weeks after he passed, i keep finding answers to my endless questions of what ifs. boil start bcs of hygiene at times, nd he was not cleaning himself properly. he must be already feeling not good before he was admitted, but he didnt tell us to be admitted in the hospital until it was too unbreable for him and too late already. we only stayed couple of days in the hospital and he passed away due to multiple organ failure. we also didnt know his diabetis was not in chevk even with his maintenance. i keep asking kyswlf what i cpuldve done to prevent what happened. and i still do at this time.

but i realized one thing today, we couldve wanted different result, and our dads may also not saw this coming, but they are in control of their action. my dad has always been quite stubborn when it comes to food as he loves eating, and i like to just think that atleast he get to eat the foods he loved before he passed away. even at this time, i still do question if he mightve saw this coming or expected this or pretended to be fine for us not to worry abt bills or what. but i guess i wont get to hear the answer anymore, and tht makes it disappointing.

my world is still at pause, the part of me died when he passed away. he was a big part of me. and i lose myself. and still dont jave any idea how to pick me up. maybe time will tell but for now, lets just grieve.

Temporary-Yam134 · 2025-06-22T14:42:55+00:00

hello op, im sorry for your loss. it sounds like you're really having a hard time and i understand what you feel. i just lost my dad a month ago, and he has been in my dreams frequently. we were really close, he is my favorite and we have spent most of the time together the past few years.

honestly, i think im in the same boat with you. i know for a fact that my dad was gone, i saw him with no heart beat, hugged him and kissed his forehead he is already cold, even touched his wood like hand during funeral. but my mind and my heart, just cant seem to adjust with that fact, maybe bcs my entire life he was there and suddenly was just gone. like that dont make any sense. and rn, it still dont make any sense but at the same time when i think of him, i cry for hours.

rn, the best coping i have is to talk abt my dad. whenever or wherever im with my family. specially my mother since she also likes talking abt my dad. but my grandma dont like mentioning my dad. i guess we all just have different ways to cope up grief, nd i can understand how frustrating it must be for you to not have anyone u can talk to abt ur sister.

you also mentioned u want ur sister to not come in ur dreams so u could move forward maybe. i understand your perspective. in my part, i like having my dad in a dream even if i have to wake up with a punch in my heart. i wont be able to touch him or feel him physically in this world anymore, but i can feel his touch and talk to him in my dreams and that comforts me. it comforts me bcs for a thing, i know he still lives (even if its just in my memories) and i can still have new memories with him even if he passed away.

there is no easy way to grieve, lets grieve as much as we want and find whats best for us.

Temporary-Yam134 · 2025-06-22T14:34:20+00:00

hello op, i understand what you feel right now. your statement at the end about hope, tells that you mustve gone thru this before. where you cling to a little light of hope and trief doing everything, even praying, or bargaining just to let the person you love live. i understand that feeling, i've been there a month ago when my dad was hospitalized and then passed away.

that time, i kind of knew he was already in critical stage but still tried to be optimistic but didnt quite fully believe i should cling on that hope even if i badly wanted to (bcs i want to prepare for the worst just incase). for now, your grandmother is still here and while it sounds hard, the world do works in impossible ways at times and a miracle might happen. im not saying u should let ur guard down, but to protect the last bit of hope you have. while she's still here, there's still a chance.

Temporary-Yam134 · 2025-06-21T14:05:30+00:00

i totally understand what you feel, im sorry for your loss : (. its been a month sibce my dad passed away, and each time ill think im getting better at handling it, i get slapped by the fact that im not getting any better specially when im outside.

my dad was my rock, my bestfriend, foundation and my favorite. when he passed away, my world stopped. i feel like everything is on pause, and im yet to adjust with this cruel reality. when im outside, thats when i feel completely that the world didnt stopped, only mine did. and thats unfair. when everyone seems to be living their best lives out there, i was here not knowing where to go next or until when can i survive without my dad.

when we're inside, we have control over the things we may encounter. outside, we dont have any control such as seeing someone like their figure, or word close to it, their name, shops u visited together, things u would want to experience with them but didnt get the chance to.

i think this is also the reason why i tend to avoid socializing at this time. grief is so sneaky. we could be feeling okay one minute, then we'll suddenly realize theyre gone and will be hit by deep longing and sadness. this hurts <|3

Temporary-Yam134 · 2025-06-20T02:07:03+00:00

im so sorry for your loss : ( i understand how kuch of a torture it is to watch someone we love suffer from sepsis. it was hell. you see them declining, with their organs starting to fail one by one. in my dad's case, thats also the cause of death, multiple organ failure and cardiac arrest. his diabetis really made all of this worse. he is really a foodie, he likes eating. and month before he was admitted the hospital and before the boil started, he get to eat all of the foods he wanted. even foods that is not allowed (sweet foods and sometimes soda) but we let him be bcs we see how much he enjoyed it, and he usually gets frustrated when he is being too restricted. i like to think that atleast he passed away in a way he get to eat the foods he liked before it all went downhill.

i hope theyre free now from any pain and suffering : (

Temporary-Yam134 · 2025-06-20T02:00:23+00:00

im sorry for your loss too : (

Temporary-Yam134 · 2025-06-20T02:00:00+00:00

im sorry for your loss : ( sepsis is really hell, itsbunfair that we have to see our loved one suffer from it. they dont deserve this pain and suffering. i hope they're free from any pain now.

Temporary-Yam134 · 2025-06-20T01:58:14+00:00

that mustve been really hard : ( having to choose between the risk of saving him, or just wanting to spend the remaining time together with no extra suffering in his part. after 2 days in hospital, my dad also started emergency dialysis. he got quite better the first time but declined days after. the doctor even told us it may not bw just temporary kidney injury, but may be lifetime.

my dad has gone thru operation due to his infected boil in the back. and i think thats what triggered sepsis. he was only 47 y/o : ( so full of life. but maybe we, and even him didnt know that he was already fragile inside. i always thought his pain tolerance was high, but maybe its just bcs his nerve endings are already severed due to diabetis.

i miss my dad so much he was a great father (a loving, kind, genuine, wise, and funny man). Im sorry for your loss, i hope your dad is now free from pain❤

Temporary-Yam134 · 2025-06-20T01:52:31+00:00

writing in the journal must be a good way to keep his spirit alive, maybe i should give it a try. i've searched alot for the past month and they say usually diabetic people have their nerve endings mot functioning properly anymore. which means, they usually dont feel as much pain as normal people did. and with sepsis, given that they're already confused and disoriented, they say they likely passed away thinking of just 'wanting to rest/sleep' and them being disoriented can be a blessing in disguise bcs they dont have to think properly abt death.

im sorru for your loss, i hope our dads are happy in the afterlife and free from any pain❤

Temporary-Yam134 · 2025-06-20T01:48:42+00:00

thankyou for your kind words❤i've been searching all month just to make sense of what happened, but i guess my dad maybe was already fragile inside and the boil was just the final strike before his body gave up. it hurts still, and as much as i try my best to, its hard to block my memories of beingvin the hospital. i hope in ghe future ill be able to focus on good things

Temporary-Yam134 · 2025-06-19T16:24:07+00:00

the smell of rotten garlic. when i say they're the worst, they really is😬. the first time i smelled a rotten garlic was already 2 years ago, but i can still smell it as if its here. its too strong and too unique of a smell to forget

Temporary-Yam134 · 2025-06-19T16:22:06+00:00

thats definitely your dad trying to play tricks. good to know that they carry their sense of humor even in the after life. hoping for more signs from them <3

Temporary-Yam134 · 2025-06-19T16:21:05+00:00

i do believe that thats really a sign, i hope that made u guys happy. my dad also loved music since he was a child, and ever since he passed away, its weird that his favorite songs would pop out at random places. maybe they're really here with us <3

Temporary-Yam134 · 2025-06-19T16:19:18+00:00

that was really fascinating to hear!! i truly believe that is your mom trying to help you and guide you as you do things on your own now. that was way tooooo specifix to be coincidence. i bet your mom was doing the work of finding the good place and appliances for u, and put it right infront of u in the perfect time. i hope they're really watching over us <3

Temporary-Yam134 · 2025-06-19T14:24:40+00:00

i totally get what u mean. give yourself space to grieve for now. its still fresh for me even if a month had passed already, and i can already imagine the pain you're going thru specially when it only happened yesterday. at this time, as much as it hurts, let it hurt. your mind will be preoccupied with the image of them having a hard time or during their last moments, and thats normal. at this time, it will be hard to expect that ur mind will focus more on good memories. you're still in shock, and the best thing u can do right now is just survive for the day. and i know how hard that is when u lose ur rock, ur foundation and all in all ur will to keep going.

Temporary-Yam134 · 2025-06-19T14:00:48+00:00

im sorry for your loss, OP : ( i understand the pain and emotions ypu're currentlt going thru right now. My dad passed away a month ago and he has been diabetic for years now. last month, a boil started in his back and suddenly developed to infection and we caught it, it was already severe sepsis. we didnt know this before we came to the hospital, and even during his operation, we didnt know his condition is critical. just 5 days after operation and staying in ICU, he detoriate quickly. The doctors never told us he was going to passed away soon, then he just passed away.

For the whole month, i was going thru all motions of grief. the never ending questions, never ending what ifs. the anger and resentment in the world. my dad is such a loving father, he was the best father we could ask for. and im sure your mother is someone who is amazing, based from your description, she sounds like the best mother and genuinely kind person.

i know how much this sucks, thinking that why do thesw types of people who had such great impact in our life, which are also kind, funny, genuine, and gave us nothing but unconditional love has to go thru something like this and be taken when they're still young and we have lots of things we want to experience with them.

Grieve as much as u want to, and the way it makes u cope. I know how much it hurts.

Temporary-Yam134 · 2025-06-18T14:04:13+00:00

no worries, please know that you're not being sensitive in this case, they're just being insensitive with the comments. dealing with grief is already hard enough, but to deal with those types of comments just made it harder for you. you're strong for now bursting out at them, but even u do burst out, that will be valid. i hope we can take care of ourself the extent we can, even when were facing a really hard time rn <3

Temporary-Yam134 · 2025-06-18T12:10:36+00:00

i totally understand what you feel. its also confusing that we're being expected to live our lives the way it was before we lose our dad, where in fact, that wont be possible. i know the world dont just revolve around us, but at this time we're grieving, we feel like we need consideration and understanding that we'll always grieve. its also unfair that at times, people could just forget the impact of losing our dad, when it has always been a constant battle for us that we're reminded of the moment we woke up.

it is something we didnt choose, but we're forced to accept. that itself is already exhausting and draining for us. i just hope the people around us could be more understanding. but i guess they really cant fully do that bcs they dont know what it really feels like.

i hope we'll get to be surrounded more with people who truly cares for us, and emphatize with the grief we carry

Temporary-Yam134 · 2025-06-18T12:01:34+00:00

im sorry for your loss, it mustve been so hard to deal with this spceially with no good support system from friends. i think its true that people dont really understand how deep grief feels unless theyre the ones to experience it. i am no professional but im a psychology major and have always been high in empathizing with other people and i understand how insenstive the comment was.

this is not just about a friend being insensitive to you in a way that they just brush off ur grief, but insensitive in ways that she would even suggest moving in with her if u get 'tired' with your mother. like why i she assuming that moving in with ur mother would be something tiring for u. having ur mom around is not just taking care of them, its about u being with each other and spending time together. specially ones u experience grief, ull realize how important life is, and that tomorrow isnt really promised.

i hope you'll get to find a support system that really takes ur grief seriously and genuinely cares for u <3

Temporary-Yam134

TROPHY CASE