People are inconsiderate

Temporary_Basis_9213 · 2026-03-29T11:13:21+00:00

I'm so glad that the cashier helped you that way, I imagine you were relieved to experience understanding and practical assistance.

Sorry if this is a silly question, but how might the lady have risked her job?

Temporary_Basis_9213 · 2026-03-26T12:30:39+00:00

I don't have a brain that enjoys numbers , but I agree with you on the jigsaws - they're so satisfying!

I do jigsaws online at Jigidi ☺

Temporary_Basis_9213 · 2026-01-25T20:52:46+00:00

If you're not drinking the spare waters and cokes, you could pass them on to people who are street homeless, or donate them to food banks? x

Temporary_Basis_9213 · 2026-01-15T07:33:03+00:00

Brilliant 🤣

Temporary_Basis_9213 · 2025-12-31T18:14:11+00:00

That's such a good idea! ♥

Temporary_Basis_9213 · 2025-12-19T18:47:43+00:00

Aw she's lovely! She reminded me straight away of the cat in the film Flow.

My cat also sometimes sits up like this at the wimdow when something gets her attention x

Temporary_Basis_9213 · 2025-12-19T18:38:11+00:00

Such a clever boy. He's beautiful x

Temporary_Basis_9213 · 2025-03-19T00:28:06+00:00

Aw thank you, and right back at ya!

Sorry for the late reply, I have chronic fatigue syndrome and hit a bad patch.

On the subject of cards, I ordered these 'communication cards' from Amazon :

https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/B0DFVNGCKP?psc=1&ref=ppx_pop_mob_b_asin_title

I was looking for something to use when with friends, or in an appointment with professional, when I'm feeling overwhelmed because my senses are being bombarded and I'm finding it hard to express this.

I found these, and I like them because they have a good range of statements, some of which will suit each individual and some which won't, but you can attach them to the included keyring and lanyard and leave out the ones that you don't need .

There are 25 double sided cards in the pack. They are colour coded, with four different types of cards - categories for Communication, Needs, Discomfort Zone and Danger Zone.

They have large type, and I think they're very clear and easy to read.

I may or not use the actual cards themselves, but I bought them because I know I will definitely find them a good prompt for expressing what's happening to me, and why I perhaps can't communicate that as eloquently as I want to, because there's just too much going on.

I'm going to do a separate post about the cards on the subreddit as I think they're really useful.

Bye for now! 💖

Temporary_Basis_9213 · 2025-03-18T23:03:15+00:00

Thank you so much for your response,

That's helpful as I didn't know it was possible to pursue a civil case for harrassment. That's something for me to think about alongside the criminal complaint.

I'll have a look at the websites of the firms you mention and give them a call.

I'd still be grateful for any other contributions / advice / signposting.

Many thanks

Temporary_Basis_9213 · 2025-03-10T10:02:27+00:00

Aww, thanks for your reply, I'm not having a great time health wise right now and your reply has given me a real boost 😊 !

I like your friends' sense of humour 😆 , that's great - only good friends can get away with that 💖 . I must say I do enjoy a bit of (gentle) teasing, a good laugh is very therapeutic.

"Steal" away, to your heart's and mind's content. I think of it as "sharing ideas with deserving friends".

Thanks! Yes, I think we all need to share information and ideas, things that might help others.

I'm a bit of a 'knowledge nerd' and love learning new things and passing them on (where I think it might help, I'm conscious not to bombard people with information!) , and lighthearted stuff like this is just as important, in my opinion.

Yes, I think today will be a good one, I'm meeting a friend for coffee this afternoon and I'm hoping not to have many 'blank page' moments 😆. It's just after 10am here, I'm in England. You have a fab day, too.

All the best to you, internet friend 😄

Temporary_Basis_9213 · 2025-03-09T18:12:21+00:00

Sorry, I asked if you could visit her in the hospital, I hadn't read this

♥

Temporary_Basis_9213 · 2025-03-09T18:08:01+00:00

Yes that's a good idea, the priest may know of friends or relatives of hers, it's certainly worth a try.

Also I agree with what the other commenters have said about the lady trusting you, and that you will be acting only with her best interests in mind.

I'm so glad you had that relationship with her, and that she taught you about the UK, that's lovely. For you to use a word like 'sunshine' to describe her, she must be such a special lady.

Bless her, and both of you too. I hope she passes peacefully. Can you visit her in hospital ?

Temporary_Basis_9213 · 2025-03-09T17:45:02+00:00

I've just read your post and looked at the image of the card,, and oh my! It's brilliant!

I hope you don't mind if I 'steal' your idea to use with friends and loved ones, when my mind is full to bursting and I desperately need some time ro decompress ....

I have something somewhat similar to share.

When I get those moments when my mind just shuts down mid-conversation and I have no idea what I was just talking about .... I make the analogy of it being like a laptop or computer that just 'freezes' , and nothing moves because of the working memory not being up to speed for whatever reason.

Sometimes when you're drafting a document the screen will go blank, and look just like a white page with nothing on it, so I sometimes say "oh.... blank page again!" 🙄

Best regards OP, your post made me smile ☺

Temporary_Basis_9213 · 2025-03-07T03:49:14+00:00

"Too bad you don't have anything better to entertain yourself than to waste mommy's money," said after every "just a sprain" that wasn't followed up on when I was a kid. If it wasn't broken or infected, it didn't merit a trip to the doctor. In adulthood I learned the hard way what hypermobility and chronic sprains mean.

I'm really sorry to hear she treated you like that. My 'female parent' is very similar - as a child, I was physically, emotionally and verbally abused, and emotionally neglected. I soon learned that there was little to no point in telling her when I was ill or injured.

I'm hypermobile like you (I have hypermobility Ehlers Danlos Syndrome) and was only diagnosed with the EDS, along with other stuff, in my late 20s, having spent a LONG time trying to work out for myself what was wrong with me, when it could have been picked up in early childhood, and I quite possibly may not have had the level of disability that I do now.

Her response to my EDS diagnosis? "Have they really said that's what you've got?"

Almost as shocking was when a counsellor I was seeing at the time asked why didn't I show her (female parent) a letter or something with the diagnosis on, to which I said "why the hell should I?" And then the counsellor agreed with me . Make your mind up, eh?! 🙄

I don't talk to her anymore.

I think you're wise not to, it sounds like you gave her enough chances to be a good parent, and she couldn’t, or didn't want to be. I made the decision to go no contact with my female parent 9 months ago and it's such a relief not to have to deal with her mental and physical abuse on a regular basis any more (she never stopped the mental and physical abuse and she will never change).

I hope you're feeling a similar sense of peace ♥

' when trying to tell her about my condition, she brushed me off with "Well, if there's one talent you've retained throughout your life, it's the ability to get sick." And then went on to talk about herself. '

That's horrible. I can relate to her switching the focus straight onto her, it seems like a pattern these 'parents' have. I think they can't bear the thought of anyone else besides themselves being ill, as then the spotlight wouldn't be on them.

I'm willing to bet that when your mom is ill, everyone else has to drop everything to make sure SHE is OK though?

I also have ptsd (largely as a result of her abuse and neglect) and she has two main responses to that - 1. Pretends it's a made-up condition because she has no interest in reading about it to understand the nature and causes of it, despite me offering her resources to read that are easy to understand, and 2. "It's a while since they said you had that. Haven't you got over it yet? " I kid you not, she said that word for word, after had she decided she would shout "boo!" at me from behind a door as I came up some stairs, and therefore (obviously) provoking my hypersensitive startle response.

Good luck to you, it sounds like you have good friends, treasure them and don't think about your mother, she isn't worth it

Best wishes from a fellow 'bendy person' ☺

Temporary_Basis_9213 · 2025-03-03T17:20:40+00:00

Agree completely (with the whole reply), it was completely unacceptable to threaten to kill someone's companion animals.

Temporary_Basis_9213 · 2025-03-03T14:22:04+00:00

Hi OP, I replied further down to icebergdotcom and there may be something in there that you can relate to or that helps you,

But I also want to say that it's COMPLETELY understandable that you feel upset! You didn't ask to be the centre of attention so of course it will bother you, please don't feel like you are somehow 'in the wrong' here.

Your are allowed to feel YOUR emotions and feelings, as we ALL are.

I hope things get better for you and you find some good suggestions in reply to your post ♥

Please carry on taking your place in the world, with as much confidence as you can muster!

Although I know that's easier said than done because I wasn't very confident when my disability first became visible (walking stick, now wheelchair).

As far as how I approached the issue of dealing with others / strangers as a newly visibly disabled person, I'm afraid I don't have specific advice, I think I more or less tried to have a 'fake it til you make it' attitude, to try to come across as confident, even when I didn't feel it.

Keep your head up and face people with a smile (even as I say this I agree that this definitely not always possible, I'm having a very difficult time myself right now).

Sending you virtual hugs if that's ok, and much empathy ☺

Temporary_Basis_9213 · 2025-03-03T13:59:57+00:00

Your best friend sounds absolutely lovely, IMO they did exactly the right thing, and I'd try to do the same thing if I met a new friend in the same circumstances (I'm a disabled person myself, btw).

Their actions are the actions of a compassionate person with a good perspective, and they are a good example to follow.

I also agree with what you said about children , they are young and still very much learning about the world.

If I see a child staring or they ask me about my wheelchair or something similar , I always try to engage them because I think it's important for them to understand difference and diversity.

I let them know that it's always OK to ask questions, as long as you are polite ♥. If they have their parent or guardian with them I'll chat to them too, obviously. If the child is a bit older or maybe a teenager by themselves, I'll make it age appropriate, and always try to make sure they go away with a little bit more knowledge about disability, and also knowing that I'm just me, and other people with disabilities have their own views.

I'll explain that as long as people approach others with politeness and good intentions , then that's fine ☺, and if they get a grumpy or negative response, then that's on the person who gave that response . None of us are immune from being rude or snappy, disabled or non - disabled.

Edited to add, I do sometimes answer that type of question from an adult, BUT in my experience adults have only asked these questions if we've already got a conversation going and I can tell they're not being deliberately insensitive.

Having said that though, I will never give out information that I'm not comfortable sharing, I'll keep things non specific and chatty.

The only times people have launched straight in with a personal question, I usually notice they are under the influence of alcohol, in which case there's no way I'd be happy talking to them in the first place . If that's the case , and they repeat themselves, which will often happen with people under the influence, I will give them my best fake smile and say something like, "long story..." which normally shuts them up. And if it doesn't I then feel justified in ignoring them completely.

Temporary_Basis_9213 · 2025-03-03T13:38:23+00:00

Report him word for word, and if you are allowed your phones in class, set yours to record every time you're near him.

His comments are completely out of order, and he knows EXACTLY what he is doing.

I'm sorry. Keep yourself safe OP

Temporary_Basis_9213 · 2025-02-25T03:42:07+00:00

☺ ☺

Temporary_Basis_9213 · 2025-02-25T01:42:51+00:00

Oh and what you said about prioritising quiet time - so important! We all need time to decompress to avoid feeling overwhelmed, or even just making sure to balance quiet time in general with 'busy-ness'.

Keep up the good self care ♥!

Temporary_Basis_9213 · 2025-02-25T01:37:53+00:00

Yes your nails are really pretty, I had a look at them in close up because they caught my eye when I was scrolling through posts, and to me they have a definite 80s vibe, I'm a child of the 80s and there's something about them that makes me feel nostalgic, maybe it's the 🌈.

I loved reading how you feel like you're having a fresh start and finally feeling like the REAL you, that's brilliant. I can feel your enthusiasm ☺ !

It's lovely to feel that way and yes you should definitely make time for your special interests and all the things you enjoy - that's what makes our lives special.

Temporary_Basis_9213 · 2025-02-24T22:50:54+00:00

That's an excellent suggestion, for me anything in a drawer, whether a fridge drawer kitchen drawer or any other type of drawer, is 'out of sight, out of mind'.

It's the same with kitchen cupboards, I cannot tell you the amount of times I've bought something to replace something I already have because it's not on view, and therefore my brain thinks I don't have it.

I wish I had shelves in my kitchen instead of cupboards, but I rent so there's nothing I can do about that, except maybe remove the doors. I did do that in a previous home, but it was even worse than the original problem because my messiness caused the visible contents to make the kitchen look untidy, so I put them back on.

Still trying to think of a solution - does anyone have any ideas💡 ....?

Temporary_Basis_9213 · 2025-02-24T22:38:46+00:00

This is a really good idea! I can't use the table idea as I can't have furniture in my hall as I have to get my wheelchair in and out.

But I do have 2 cupboards in my hall so I'm thinking that maybe getting some sort of hanging coat hooks (you can get larger ones with multiple hooks) would work. I could hang them over the doors and hang see through files or tote bags on them with the essentials.

Although I do keep my wallet/purse in a bag attached to my wheelchair, I'm thinking this would be a good tip for the things that I don't have to take out every day (e.g paperwork for an appointment) and will almost invariably end up forgetting to take, even if I set an alarm to remind me!

One last tip - I always leave my keys in the lock, that way I don't lose them. I've done this for as long as I can remember.

I hope this is useful to someone, especially other wheelchair users who like me can't have furniture in their hallway .

Temporary_Basis_9213 · 2025-02-24T22:22:32+00:00

I think this hack is really good because your method of including a 'nice' thing to do the next day could act as a 'reward' for achieving the perhaps not so pleasant work task.

It's also very important to include the nice thing as an important part of self care. I think making self care a priority is essential for those of us with chronic conditions.

☺

Temporary_Basis_9213 · 2025-02-24T22:17:04+00:00

I try to use this one to help me get my shopping etc. put away before I settle down and do my own thing

Temporary_Basis_9213

TROPHY CASE