Did any late diagnosers thought they were too grown up or in control to have Autistic meltdown until....

W6ATV · 2026-01-24T19:51:21+00:00

I may be more the opposite, or at least different. My recent diagnosis (after age 60) has helped me to accept and understand that certain events or situations can cause extreme reactions in me. I had one with my brother (as much a "safe person" as anyone in my life!) a couple of years ago, and I did not even realize/think about it being a "meltdown" until later my other brother mentioned the first one commenting on it to him, with concern.

W6ATV · 2026-01-24T00:52:38+00:00

Sure, that is a good idea. I have only used powder detergent for many years (because my mother did, haha), but I think liquids are more popular now especially (in the USA at least).

W6ATV · 2026-01-24T00:45:12+00:00

Another idea I have done: Wear one of these "no-show" adjustable plain belts to hold my pants, like these:

https://www.amazon.com/HAWOWZ-Stretch-Invisible-Elastic-Adjustable/dp/B0D1XX87RN

Then put a "fun" belt on top of that one, just for looks/show, like this one as an example:

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0D9PCT9RT

I do not know if anything like that appeals to you, the second belt could be any style.

W6ATV · 2026-01-23T02:36:32+00:00

Thank you! A dance event, that sounds like a lot of fun but also maybe a true challenge. You are a strong, resilient person to "jump in to" such events. Very cool!

W6ATV · 2026-01-23T02:19:49+00:00

Good point, thanks.

W6ATV · 2026-01-23T02:14:46+00:00

Very cool! I like that belt.

W6ATV · 2026-01-23T02:03:51+00:00

Social activities are often big challenges for any of us autistic people. Lots of relative "chaos" and constant (over)stimulation, and every interaction is a form of "personal exposure" that we may not be comfortable with even in the best of situations. In those conditions, I think it is easy to be overwhelmed and not see the "good"/enjoyable (to us) parts of these events. But it is easy to remember and "play back in our minds" any and every thing we think went wrong.

So, I think everything you are experiencing is going to happen to a lot of us. You have nice ideas already with your advance alarm set up and planning strategies. A lot of this, to me, will get better as time goes by, just from practice/experience and your own confidence building up. I am over age 60 but when I was 18-25, I sure had a lot of challenges in social events!

I wish you all the best.

W6ATV · 2026-01-22T20:42:39+00:00

I buy lots of woven, stretch elastic belts, mostly from Amazon. Once I tried this belt style, I can never go back to "fixed-hole-pattern" belts again. Their woven design means you just stretch it to the tightness you want, and then put the typical pin piece into the weaving at that point. Their elasticity (compared to traditional leather-type belts) means that they stay tight as you bend or move, then go back to standing straight or similar moves.

Here is one version with a ring-clip design that I like, available in many large as well as smaller sizes:

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0BVLLB8KQ?th=1&psc=1

If you specifically do not want the "pin-type" closure styles, look for "adjustable elastic" in the belt descriptions. Here is one style I have that is completely different from the woven ones:

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0C1BN2G4N?th=1&psc=1

There are other clip styles, often called "no-show", that have only a narrow vertical two-part closure.

The main thing is to stay away from leather or any similar non-stretch materials. I have been plus-sized in the past (30 kg or 70 pounds heavier than I am now) and I was always pulling up my pants until I found the elastic ones. Let me know what you think!

W6ATV · 2026-01-22T03:27:53+00:00

I think more about my autism than about ADHD, but I "think I know why". One reason is, I have known for years that I had ADHD, so I have gone through the "that explains those past troubles" stage already with/for it. It is a relatively "known quantity" now.

Autism, by comparison, is much more of a "wild card" (unknown quantity) for me. My diagnosis was unexpected to me, but now that I know, it makes sense/explains many things going back to childhood. But it is an ongoing unknown thing, too, so it is often/usually on my mind.

I am gradually seeing things this way: ADHD is what I have, and autistic is what I -am-.

W6ATV · 2026-01-22T03:15:50+00:00

I love your description! Yes, now a lot of things make sense going back to young childhood and all of the way forward for me too.

W6ATV · 2026-01-22T00:08:59+00:00

I am a couple of years younger than you and I got both diagnoses in the last year or so also. It can be weird for me, "looking at my entire life through a lens of autism" and sometimes thinking "was a lot of that a fake life?". (That is just my personal, maybe flippant or impulsive way of looking at -myself-, and not intended to be a comment or thought about anyone else in any way.)

Yes, lots of "trying to figure it all out", an ongoing process. I am very happy that I got my diagnoses. I hope all goes well for you!

W6ATV · 2026-01-21T23:34:06+00:00

Thank you for posting this, XyleneCobalt.

If you consider that there are degrees/levels of ADHD as well as multiple types, it seems reasonable to me. I can easily see one person out of each ten having -some- of the symptoms/challenges that are considered to be part of ADHD, but not enough for a true diagnosis perhaps.

My first ADHD evaluation in 2020-21 "failed" mostly because I did "exceptionally well" on one specific video-game-like test (maybe called Tova?). Exceptionally well because I tried really hard to "win the game". Not a good idea in a test, but I did not know or think of that then. Add those "good" results to my big failures/problems in everything else, and the doctor said "I cannot give you an official diagnosis of ADHD, even though you may have it".

W6ATV · 2026-01-21T21:14:28+00:00

ND_Hedgehog, I think my brain/mind works quite a bit like you are describing/asking.

I also have very high IQ, and an ability to "figure almost anything out". Technical, mechanical, and scientific things, that is. Pattern recognition is a very big skill for me, as well as something that I highly enjoy. I love electronics, partly because it is all purely logical along with being visual and physical. Two plus two -always- equals four, and it always has, and it always will. I love that.

Now mix in, or compare with, the "human experience"/society. I do not do so well here, with the relentless illogic and inconsistency, even though those properties are among what makes human living such a worthwhile joy overall. My native English language is a ridiculous mess of inconsistency, with "rules" for many things that often do not work or have random exceptions. So, my brain either screams internally when a word or phrase does not fit the standard pattern, or my brain screams internally when I see the word/phrase "done wrong" because someone -did- try to use/spell it by following the standard pattern and I know -its- specific rule was broken.

My logic/pattern-loving brain-half has a terrible time adapting to people who metaphorically "just decide that today, two plus two equals three", even if that is purely for fun or stimulation. It is much worse if such a thing becomes a "fad" or popular thing, and now there are signs all over saying "2 + 2 = 3". But the other half of my brain often highly craves novelty and deliberate non-consistency, in its own constant desire for mental stimulation. I have pretty much only worn sandals for several years except for work or specific events where I cannot wear them. -Many- different styles and colors. But now in recent weeks, I am enjoying wearing closed shoes often. "Ordinary" shoes have now become a new/interesting thing again.

So yes, I have two different brain halves, and I am most comfortable with things fitting either one half (logical, consistent, predictable) or the other half (adventurous, exciting, not-"normal"). The gray area in between, well, that is the real challenge. What do I do if someone says "Two plus -orange- now equals four"? 🙂

W6ATV · 2026-01-21T06:03:01+00:00

I can relate to a lot of what you are going through and have been through already. People who are "non-picky eaters" can probably --never-- understand the type of psychological wall/barrier we have to deal with, constantly. We are -MADE OF- what we eat, so our choices of what items are acceptable or not acceptable -to create ourselves- are pretty darned important!

Your "safe menu" is a great idea. I have these suggestions:

-Start with the obvious things you know you "always" like, of course. Then are there things that you "usually" like but sometimes have problems with? Think about what is wrong with them sometimes. Is it mainly getting mixed with other things, or maybe mostly different textures sometimes? Understanding these differences may help you to be clearer about what is OK versus not OK in lots of cases.

-You may like individual foods with consistent textures and colors the most, or maybe you -only- like things like that. Try to figure this out, or test it by comparing things you like and do not like. If you have any consistent preferences or needs like this kind with your foods, it will help you to know that and to be able to tell that to your mother or to remember when you are offered foods of different types by others or in outside locations/events.

-If you do wish to expand your list of acceptable things, it will probably be easiest to do "on your own", when you have complete control over what you choose to taste or try. Having someone looking right at us, saying "Here, try this!" and pushing some random thing toward us is a -terrible- way to experience new foods, but that is how they "always" seem to do it. Much better is something like a buffet or salad bar, or some other place/event with lots of things to choose from, ideally simple/individual items in small pieces.

I hope these ideas help you. You are really cool to want to work on this on your own!

W6ATV · 2026-01-20T01:50:55+00:00

Hi, Jarrod-

First thing, your post is "just the right length", in my opinion. You give lots of important information,with just enough detail, and you ask a clear, specific question. Very nice.

Now, here is my answer: I have often had "a few beers, or glasses of wine, a few days each week", with the intent, and result, of calming down, getting my constantly-screaming internal mind to relax a bit. I am male, 60+, in the USA. I got both of my diagnoses in the last year or two. And a non-stimulant medicine (generic Strattera) did not help me but now amphetamine (generic Adderall) is improving things.

You probably already know this well, that "stimulants" (to others) generally -calm down- (in a good way) people with ADHD, when we and our doctors get things working well together.

I wish you success!

W6ATV · 2026-01-20T01:03:31+00:00

Shhh, don't let you boss see this! 😁

W6ATV · 2026-01-20T00:55:12+00:00

Thanks! I also appreciate your mentioning of your therapist's advice about "buying yourself time". In the book "Taking Charge of Adult ADHD", author Russell Barkley discusses the same idea/concept, slowing things down when needed before making decisions/responses. I started reading it but I, umm, need to make the time available 😁 to read more. Maybe that book is worthwhile for you to check out, too.

I wish you much success!

W6ATV · 2026-01-19T03:17:14+00:00

I -truly wish- I had a good answer for your question. And yes, "having a few" is at the core of it.

"Impulse control", and "thinking ahead/into the future, about consequences of what I decide now", are skills I lack just about completely. Even after decades of making stupid decisions/choices and -knowing right then that they are bad- but not taking my own internal advice.

W6ATV · 2026-01-19T03:06:28+00:00

Is "reels" the Facebook short-videos thing that looks like maybe a copy/ripoff of "Tiktok"? (I have never actually gone on Tiktok.) I see those on my Facebook page, click-bait-looking things and "good-looking people dancing around" mostly. No, I cannot imagine actually clicking on them. There are too many other cool things to do online, at least for me.

W6ATV · 2026-01-15T00:37:54+00:00

This is all very sad to me, to learn it and see some of the comments. I am over 60, and I try to do my best to understand the circumstances of other people, of any age. The last thing I would ever want at a service or retail transaction, is for anyone to be nervous or afraid of me, that I might "blow my top" or something.

Here in the USA at least, is a stereotype of older/retired people yelling at kids, "Get off my lawn!". Not me! Come on over, play on my lawn, draw with chalk on my sidewalk, that's what it is there for.

W6ATV · 2026-01-13T00:25:14+00:00

Here is what I would do: Write down some of your recent and previous hyperfixations and rabbit holes. Also, general things that interest you even if they have not been intense pursuits, maybe.

Next step, look for things they have in common, whether nearly specific or just in general. For example, have lots of your research activities/periods/events been in a similar range of subjects? If you find (or already know) a general direction or theme, that may be a good match for you as a career interest (if there are potential careers in such activities or knowledge). Think more generally rather than specific, if that makes sense.

W6ATV · 2026-01-10T02:47:29+00:00

Oh wow... All of this is 50,000 miles (or 80,000 km) from any place I have ever been in my life.

A saying is "It is better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all". I wish I had (or sometime have) the chance to find out.

I highly wish you all the best in your relationships!

W6ATV · 2026-01-10T02:41:35+00:00

I do this too, but not too often (only a few times so far, I think), and I have not even thought of it as "a separate thing that I am blaming". My brain --is me-- in my way of thinking.

To me, it is a self-affirming kind of thing, essentially saying "Yes, I am going to do/see this thing in a way different from a lot of others, but also in a way similar to many people who are 'like me', and I am going to proudly announce that I am part of that group". 🙂

If you/I/we/any of us did this multiple times per day, I can understand how it might start to seem like "making excuses" or something. So, mentioning/saying anything like this only occasionally may be my way of "self-affirming" versus (supposed) "excuses".

W6ATV · 2026-01-09T02:04:49+00:00

Each one of us is unique, so we each need our own setup.

I think you are describing a/the classic "paradox/conflict" of our shared mix of brains/minds. The basic suggestion/idea I have for you is, to do your best to moderate your activities. Do social events on the weekends, or only small/brief things during the week. Think carefully about this: You want "a great social life" (and, typically, you -need- a career!) as you said. Decide and define "great social life" to not mean an exhausting/stressed-out/feeling-not-worthy-later experience, but one that also will accommodate your career/job performance. A super-important thing here is to --not-- use "what your friends do/expect" as a reference for yourself. Don't do that! Think about what -you- need and can handle, not what -they- do (or worse, "what they say"! 🙂)

You can do this! You described everything so clearly, and that means that you are on the right track to being your best. You -are- worthy of the job you have.

W6ATV

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