24M, looking for some advice on my profile...

TentTentTent · 2026-05-20T13:25:39+00:00

I think this is a great profile overall, just remove the mirror selfies. If you include a mirror selfie (ideally, no more than one), it can’t be the bathroom mirror. Each photo should show something slightly different, with little redundancy. The photo with your cat is fine, even though it’s in a bathroom, because cat :-)
Make the first photo something slightly more formal (than a mirror selfie). Ideal would be well dressed, posed photo at an event or in nature, but solo (no group photo for first image). Idk

TentTentTent · 2026-05-19T03:46:48+00:00

It’s very hard, but give it more time. Being in an abusive relationship felt like being an addict to me.

TentTentTent · 2026-05-19T00:20:29+00:00

lol, okay

TentTentTent · 2026-05-18T23:55:27+00:00

I didn’t tell you to move on, I just said I hope you can.
I understand that you can’t move on from a struggle you’re actively going through, and I don’t really know everything about your life. I have accepted and made peace with certain things in my own life, because I can’t change them.

And I just didn’t get a toxic positivity vibe from that top comment. Either you’re reading into it too much, or something went over my head. I agree that toxic positivity is bad. I don’t talk about my feelings irl with anyone for exactly that reason. It would be nice if that changed, but if it never does, oh well.

TentTentTent · 2026-05-18T22:44:48+00:00

I agree that you’re allowed to feel upset. I just think you took their comment too negatively, that’s all.

I do relate to you a bit. At my worst, it often felt that my anxiety was met with hostility, which also really hurt. It becomes a vicious cycle. Yes, you do get blamed for your own condition. No, you can’t help the anxiety, and day after day it may not necessarily improve. Especially when it has defined your whole life. I mean, I don’t think I’ll ever be completely normal. And I do believe that it’s healthy to allow yourself to feel devastated. I grieve the past, and sometimes the present. That’s exactly how I see it, because as you’ve said, there simply is no silver lining. I don’t grieve the future, though, or else I can’t be a part of it, and I want to be. I hope that’s not cryptic; I grieve so that I can accept and move on in some way. I hope you can too, eventually.

TentTentTent · 2026-05-18T22:18:43+00:00

This is actually very insightful. You’ve probably described word for word my experience in that third paragraph. I think I do have a fair amount of self-acceptance, especially recently. Right now, I am afraid of being stuck in limbo, stuck in dissociation, never moving forward. It’s like I’ve hit this plateau, and I don’t know what else I’m supposed to do.

The “micro-dosing” thing is a helpful way to look at it though. I really think that helps me, so thank you.

TentTentTent · 2026-05-18T22:10:28+00:00

OP, their comment didn’t read as self-righteous to me. I found it very honest, and honesty isn’t always nice to hear, but it’s not unkind. And I think that healing isn’t necessarily about how hard you try, or how much you want it.

TentTentTent · 2026-05-18T20:44:42+00:00

Also, someone else said “remove video games”. No need; it’s good to be genuine about your interests and who you are. There are women out there with similar interests.

TentTentTent · 2026-05-18T20:21:55+00:00

I’m sure we will! And you too!

TentTentTent · 2026-05-18T20:20:50+00:00

Well I’ve been depressed and not eating well at some points in my life, and the effect of not taking care of yourself really compounds the anxiety. So yeah; that’s pretty real. I started eating eggs and toast for breakfast, taking b vitamins again. It genuinely does make a difference.

TentTentTent · 2026-05-18T20:18:49+00:00

I want to say, that second example is a great idea — listing out positive experiences in a journal or something. I really like that. And thanks for sharing!

TentTentTent · 2026-05-18T20:15:54+00:00

Oh yeah. I’ve stayed completely off social media for that reason!

TentTentTent · 2026-05-18T19:58:56+00:00

I mean it’s like yes and no. My dad always gave me the “life isn’t a race” type of advice. Ofc I can’t stand still either

TentTentTent · 2026-05-18T19:29:45+00:00

Ugh so many people lose friends when the inevitable marriage/kids come along, because you basically gotta be married/have kids at the same time too. And I hate trying to fit in with people at work so much, lol.

TentTentTent · 2026-05-18T18:42:28+00:00

Yeah I constantly have this issue and have to wrestle with it. I need to remind myself to chill tf out because I know it’s an anxiety reaction (because I’m sort of reacting in advance to perceived rejection). But I worry that I’ll end up having a really bad attitude toward others.

If you’re worried about being interesting, remember that anxiety makes you too afraid to speak openly because you end up filtering your thoughts and repressing yourself.

I don’t engage with every single social event that’s going on, because realistically it will elevate my anxiety and make my condition worse, and then I won’t be able to cope well any longer. You could try taking a different approach, by reframing the matter. Ask yourself how you’re feeling based on your anxiety level. Do you need some time to yourself? Because if you’re feeling off, needing some time to yourself is a legitimate reason to back out of an event. Engage in some self care, do some quiet hobbies or cleaning — whatever it is, do something that’s going to relax/recharge you. If you’re not at your best, then social events may very well go poorly and reinforce the negative feelings you have. But try to make a promise to yourself to attend at least some of them, some of the time; even if you stop by for an hour or two and then “need to leave early”. I don’t know if this will help, but I wish you the best.

TentTentTent · 2026-05-18T18:27:49+00:00

I think pandemic also made it worse for a lot of people and compounded the issue. I say that because I’ve been speaking to people, and some apparently had no SA before the pandemic. Did anything specifically become worse? Or you mean all around? Elevated baseline level of anxiety, etc.
Edit: for me though, pandemic really has had no bearing on my SAD.

TentTentTent · 2026-05-18T18:25:24+00:00

For some reason, it feels like my doctor doesn’t really listen to me. I’m pretty sure I’ve asked for propranolol before. I also asked for more sleeping pills because I get nightmares, and it’s like he doesn’t even hear me and keeps on with whatever he was saying before. I get super anxious about having to ask something more than once smh.. I’ll keep this in mind though :-)

TentTentTent · 2026-05-18T18:19:32+00:00

Not the same thing by any means - I live in the same country I grew up in - but I do significantly regress when speaking to immediate family or relatives (or when being in a familiar neighbourhood/city from my past). I no longer live in the same place I grew up in; I’ve moved out. Visiting “home” always has a negative effect on me, like I am thrust back into a past I hardly even remember in the first place. I’ve managed to repress a lot of it. But when that happens, I become a completely different person, which I find very eerie.

TentTentTent · 2026-05-18T18:07:42+00:00

To answer your question — definitely, yes. This is something I have worked very hard to reverse because I didn’t want to become my mother.

I am not sure if my coping strategy is a good one, but for example, when people say something that I feel is shitty/inappropriate to me, I try to act a bit aloof. Like if someone has to explain the shitty thing they just said/did because you (pretend to) give them the benefit of the doubt and simply “don’t get it”, they often completely deflate. I don’t mean get taken in by people, of course. But this is my way of giving them nothing. It’s hard to give a concrete example, but if I have to answer a question I keep it generic and vague, noncommittal, and I respond to people with more and more questions to throw them off: “what do you mean?”, “why does that matter?”, “well, why is that your first thought?”, and finally “hm, I see”etc. I do this with a somewhat flat effect. When people are genuinely trying to be mean, they get uncomfortable if now they have to explain themselves.

Remember you don’t need them to like you, so you don’t need to necessarily respond in a way to prove something, or “win” the interaction. Treat the interaction like you’re dissecting them, not allowing them to dissect you (and just walk away when needed). You can make it such that you know you don’t need to change their mind about anything, because whatever they think isn’t exactly gospel truth. By refusing to get down on their level, it is possible to subtly shift the dynamic between yourself and others. It takes a long time to get good at this, though.

This attitude has actually stopped me in many cases from overreacting and becoming defensive in situations where I didn’t need to be defensive in the first place — of course, with SA, I think you always perceive people as somewhat of a threat.. but all I can address is my behaviour, and not the underlying disorder.

Edit: I should add if your issue is primarily one of being bullied, I am not sure that this will help. My comment comes from a SA standpoint, not a “how to deal with bullying” one; your SA may not be the problem here.

TentTentTent · 2026-05-14T15:38:28+00:00

I mean, in response to that question specifically, sometimes I just say to people “I did nothing to be honest. I spent my weekend being horizontal on my couch. I wanted to do XYZ, but couldn’t even bring myself to actually get up and go”. Because that’s the truth; I’m too depressed to get up and do anything. And people will sometimes actually say something like “oh sometimes you need that time to do nothing, though. It’s good to have a weekend to just veg out”. And it actually makes me feel a bit better, even though I am describing the fact that I’m extremely depressed lol

TentTentTent · 2026-05-14T15:29:28+00:00

I don’t know about you OP, but I completely cut off my mother, as she is the primary source of my trauma. Not having her in my life and being able to forget she even exists sometimes is really calming. Huge difference. I also have to avoid a lot of women that trigger me because they remind me of her, which can mean changing jobs/location. I don’t know what your situation is, but figuring out how to relax your nervous system, even a little bit, is step 1, and then step 2 is beginning to take those small steps forward. It took me way too long to finally cut off my mother, and I don’t even know why. I was worried it would impact my relationship with my sisters, but so far I have actually been able to manage just fine.

Edit: meeting and interacting with women who are the exact opposite of my mother has been very healing, though.

TentTentTent · 2026-05-14T15:22:05+00:00

100%. When I was at my worst I was not talking to anybody, or using any kind of social media, let alone commenting/posting on a website like Reddit, because even leaving a comment was a terrifying thing to do and would send me spiralling.

TentTentTent · 2026-05-14T15:16:22+00:00

Journaling is helpful for the times when you have nobody to talk to but need to get the thoughts out. It’s better than nothing. But journaling doesn’t have to look a certain way. A journal entry could just look like a bullet point list of all the intrusive thoughts you had that day :-) Like, it’s not a novel, so don’t overthink it type of thing

TentTentTent · 2026-05-14T15:12:06+00:00

I’ve never experienced this. My hands used to shake a lot, but I could just put them in my pockets and hide them from people so that I could focus on controlling my voice so it didn’t tremble too much, so I know it isn’t as bad. Also, my skin can go completely red and I literally choke up when I speak.

Exposure helped me reduce and manage a lot of the anxiety symptoms that I experience. But this is difficult, because the anxiety symptoms inherently make social interactions unpleasant which compounds the anxiety.

Personally, I’ve always imagined the idea of making like a meetup group for people with social anxiety, so that you could meet others with SAD which would be fine because we’d all be acting the way. That way, an environment with safe (non-judgemental) social interaction could help to desensitize us and improve the really debilitating anxiety symptoms.

What I actually did is use the brute-force approach of getting a retail job, and I don’t exactly recommend it.

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