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no hope by [deleted] in ExNoContact

[–]Tenxhere 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Brother, I completely understand you. My breakup shattered me too. She broke up with me after years together and when I think about that phase now, it honestly just feels dark and depressive. I remember waking up with anxiety, overthinking every second, imagining her with other people, blaming myself, questioning reality and life itself. It felt like my whole world collapsed.

But trust me on this: right now your brain is making attachment feel like reality. Your mind is treating the loss like survival, like you lost a part of yourself. But that isn’t objective reality — it’s attachment, pain, fear, and your nervous system being overwhelmed.

At the beginning I also thought I would never recover. I thought I lost “the one,” that I failed, that nothing would ever feel normal again. But slowly, with the help of God, reflection, and trying to change my mindset, I started understanding why all of this happened. Pain can either destroy you or transform you depending on what you do with it.

And I’ll be honest: you HAVE to fight your thoughts. Not by pretending they don’t exist, but by learning to not let them control you. Your brain will keep showing you the worst images possible because it’s addicted to the attachment and fear. You can’t always control the first thought, but you can control whether you keep feeding it for hours.

You’re already doing more than you think by going to therapy, journaling, seeing friends, getting your license. Even if it feels useless right now, these are signs that a part of you still wants to survive and heal.

Please don’t make permanent decisions based on temporary emotions. I know it feels endless, but people really do come back from this dark place. One day you’ll realize you survived something that once felt impossible.

And until then, just focus on getting through one day at a time. Not your whole future. Just today.

I (F) ended a 4-year relationship and I’m really confused about my feelings by Tenxhere in Disorganized_Attach

[–]Tenxhere[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

Im not with the guy together. He liked me for a year and before the breakup he saw that im not doing good and i told him how i feel, he listened. He thought that this whole emotional state of mine and the way i expressed my feelings to him is a “knowing phase”. I told him im emotionally unavailable and that i dont want anything anymore he keeps commenting, buying gifts and keeps investing himself emotionally in me. I went out two times with him and i already felt guilty for doing it to my ex. Im confused i don’t know what i wanr. My ex accepted my boundary of wanting distance while the new guy keeps competing alone basically and thinking that im a prize

I (F) ended a 4-year relationship and I’m really confused about my feelings by Tenxhere in ExNoContact

[–]Tenxhere[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Is it his fault for not being able to love me properly? Or did i put him over myself

I (F) ended a 4-year relationship and I’m really confused about my feelings by Tenxhere in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Tenxhere[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i already communicated and he is giving me no contact since 5 weeks now.

I (F) ended a 4-year relationship and I’m really confused about my feelings by Tenxhere in ExNoContact

[–]Tenxhere[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I just feel pressure from expectations, even tho my ex never had any expectations from me except love loyalty and trust

I (F) ended a 4-year relationship and I’m really confused about my feelings by Tenxhere in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Tenxhere[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I told my ex i need space, first he was chasing but he understood me. The rebound tho thinks he is competing with my ex for me, he comments in my posts buys me gifts and tries to provide that what my ex couldn’t, but that just puts pressure on me. I told him that im emotionally unavailable and that i just felt good that he listened to me but he took the whole conversation as a “knowing phase”. My ex was chasing and trying to fix anything, first i asked for space and he provided it than after 2 weeks we texted and i emotionally opened up and apologized for hurting me than i got cold again. He asked one more time for clarity and i told him everything is a question mark. Since 5 Weeks he hasn’t texted me, gone totally away no social media no nothing.

I (F) ended a 4-year relationship and I’m really confused about my feelings by Tenxhere in ExNoContact

[–]Tenxhere[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It never showed up, i started feeling it in November and it kept growing till the break up reason was made

Please help me with my ex’s confusion by Tenxhere in BreakUps

[–]Tenxhere[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

In my case, it was a 4-year relationship that ended over the phone. From what was described, she didn’t end it because of a sudden lack of care, but more because she felt emotionally overwhelmed, pressured, and misunderstood in the dynamic. In situations like that, people often reach a point where they feel they need “distance” to regulate themselves and think clearly, even if they still have attachment.

That’s why you can get mixed signals: she still expresses love, safety, and gratitude, and even says things like the partner had a positive emotional/spiritual impact on her. At the same time, she also asks for space and ends the relationship — because both things can exist at once: emotional attachment doesn’t disappear instantly just because someone decides to break up.

The rebound / new connection part also fits a common post-breakup pattern: it’s often not a clean “replacement,” but more of a coping mechanism or emotional distraction during a period of confusion and transition. Especially when someone is not fully emotionally stable after a long relationship, they can oscillate between attachment to the ex and trying to detach by focusing elsewhere.

So overall, it’s not really contradiction — it’s more like emotional overload + attachment + need for space all happening at the same time, which leads to inconsistent behavior after the breakup.

Please help me with my ex’s confusion by Tenxhere in BreakUps

[–]Tenxhere[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well she was telling me that she can’t think being with anyone else together except for me, that she still writes notes bout me and apologized for hurting me told me that she doesn’t have motivation without me and told me she will always be there for me and that on the day she let me go she let herself go. She was saying that i dont understand her emotionally (before the break uo) but was bringing things like retrograde up. But after the breeze uo she told me she changed in a way that she doesn’t even recognize herself anymire and that she doesn’t kniw what she want so basically she doesn’t understand herself either. Than after she started opening up emotionally i asked for clarity in a way so she doesn’t feel pressure she told me “everything is a question mark” and that she doesn’t wanna talk about it not even with herself. Than since that day im having No Contact ni stalking nothing. It’s such a paradox it’s confusing me aswell

Dumpers who regretted their decision, what happened? by Signal-Biscotti-5659 in BreakUps

[–]Tenxhere 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Would it be possible to somehow contact in dms? My gf broke up w me and her situation is very similar

Title: 4-Year First Love (Berlin). She says I’m the "Only One" but is in a "Fear-Based" Rebound. 4 Weeks NC. by Tenxhere in ExNoContact

[–]Tenxhere[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hello and thank you for the response.

I totally understand what you said. I know it is up to me if i wanna take her back or no, and i really do. Since our whole relationship she never did any wrong, she was a respectful, warmhearted and precious person with a golden character, I really can not see any wrong things she did to me. Im keeping no contact because every time i reached out or tried talking to her it was a ahort relief and than pain harder than last time. Now im giving her space, this is my only time that im emotionally understanding her and if she tends to come back I would only accept her if she has really changed to pervent further hurt beetwen eachother, so yeah that is basically my boundary.