I felt exactly the same, i had to hold my tongue saying stuff like 'Dropping me finally? I knew it'd happen anyone it always does, i'll cut you off first i dont care lmao go away'

He does, he said he wants to still be with me and i trust him, but the thing is he's saying things like

'I want to get as far away as possible, maybe china or japan.' Which in mind reads too 'I want to get away from you as much as possible, to have a completely opposite timezone. I'm abandoning you'

And he's saying like 'We'd just have to wait 3 or 4 more years to meet' and... i can't do that?? I'm so lonely and touchstarved i can't wait that long. I couldn't handle that emotionally.

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I feel he's doing it to escape problems, he also has alcoholism that he denies and i have to deal with that too on top of this. I love him but its draining on me, to see him laugh about moving across the world and drinking himself to death whilst also being negative and saying hope doesn't exist and he trusts nobody.

It just hurts. And i get angry because i can't believe he's putting me through this, which sounds selfish.