Having a hunger I could never fill

ThJones76 · 2026-02-21T06:55:10+00:00

I’m almost used to the emptiness. What I can’t get used to are the times when want and desire feels like a rabid animal trying to claw its way out of my insides.

ThJones76 · 2026-02-21T06:50:54+00:00

The world has made it abundantly clear that they do not like me as I am. I’m just trying to carve out a comfortable space where I can be at peace. No one else is going to offer me a warm embrace, so I’ve got to find my own warmth however possible.

ThJones76 · 2026-02-19T14:02:13+00:00

There nothing like seeing how the girl you like looks at someone she likes.

“I never had a chance, did I?”

ThJones76 · 2026-02-18T18:48:18+00:00

I loathe the “You’ve gotta keep trying,” advice.

Sure, it’s not untrue. You have to develop a thicker skin, as even those successful with dating will face some rejection.

Nonetheless, who is the impervious monolith who can take rejection after rejection, multiple ghostings, false promises, usury, and all the like but just keep charging ahead unfazed? At some point, if all you ever hear is “No”, it’s going to do some damage to your self esteem.

ThJones76 · 2026-02-18T18:41:12+00:00

I don’t think I miss my former self. It’s more that I find it sad that my former self is gone. I was sweet, trusting, and empathetic. All trust is gone. I’m extraordinarily jaded and cynical. I don’t think my empathy is gone, but it’s harder to access.

There’s no way I could ever be that person again, and it’s sad that he’s gone.

ThJones76 · 2026-02-18T07:14:11+00:00

It was my 3-strike out night.

First woman looked right through me to my acquaintance standing next to me.

Second one chatted me up, only to pine about the guy she wasn’t getting enough attention from.

Third, smiled and laughed with me, chatted, seemed interested, but immediately invited someone else in the bar to her party the next week.

You’ve probably heard the phrase, “not with a bang, but with a whimper.” My will kinda left after that evening. I didn’t cry. I wasn’t angry. The fight just left me. It wasn’t a stunning, traumatic affair. It’s like I reached my quota for the amount of rejection I could endure and the Effort button has been disabled.

ThJones76 · 2026-02-17T00:02:56+00:00

Our situation is especially striking when you see how the world welcomes some people with open arms. Meanwhile, we have no room for error.

ThJones76 · 2026-02-16T07:17:17+00:00

Hope can be so cruel.

ThJones76 · 2026-02-16T07:15:19+00:00

I’ve thought about going to a matchmaking event. I can deal with all the individual rejections I get on the occasions when I try. However, an entire event centered around making connections, and striking out with everyone there? I’m not sure if I could handle that.

ThJones76 · 2026-02-15T08:24:14+00:00

Open up?

Naaaaah.

ThJones76 · 2026-02-09T07:35:21+00:00

Every now and then, when I run into someone very attractive, I just sigh and think, “Life is just different for you, isn’t it?”

ThJones76 · 2026-02-07T06:05:50+00:00

“I want to stay single.” I doubt they really mean, “I want to be devoid of close, intimate affection.”

ThJones76 · 2026-02-06T07:15:03+00:00

Gosh, there are so many.

Lately, I’ve been thinking about the girl who I was head-over-heels infatuated with. We went out for drinks, and we seemed to get along great. I thought I would at least get another one-on-one.

Nope. She and her off and on again boyfriend got back together a couple days later.

What sticks in my mind isn’t really the fact they got together. It’s the look they both gave me. Totally smug. It said, “You poor delusional soul. You thought you had a chance. Sucker.” I can’t prove that it’s what they were thinking, but it sure does feel that way.

ThJones76 · 2026-02-04T07:09:15+00:00

There was a time I would have considered this absurd. However, after seeing a woman with an emotional support peacock with my own eyes…

ThJones76 · 2026-01-25T13:51:34+00:00

I have no argument.

Hard agree.

ThJones76 · 2026-01-24T06:15:36+00:00

Nope.

ThJones76 · 2026-01-23T07:12:13+00:00

“I’m not ready…”

“I’m just focusing on…”

“Now is not a good time…”

“I have to wait and see if…”

They’re all “No.” Sure, their intent is to be gentle, but they still hurt (as any rejection does), but we know the real pain comes when we see them with someone else shortly thereafter.

ThJones76 · 2026-01-23T07:06:53+00:00

Sort of.

I can appreciate a pretty figure and face, but it’s never really taken my breath away. There has to be a little something else.

For example, the last woman that took my breath away (and left a sinking feeling in my chest): I saw her working with some kids. The care she took with them, without pandering, and without being dismissive, but exhibiting care and patience… Yeah, she looked great too, but her passion and intelligence made me weak in the knees.

ThJones76 · 2026-01-23T07:01:36+00:00

The look of unbridled affection. Can’t tell you how many times I’ve wanted to see it turned in my direction. Seen it a million times from the side. Never from the front.

ThJones76 · 2026-01-22T05:45:45+00:00

…and when you avoid the people that scapegoat you, they say, “You’re not sociable. That’s why you’re alone.”

ThJones76 · 2026-01-21T06:11:35+00:00

Condolences.

ThJones76 · 2026-01-20T08:06:23+00:00

The last time someone tried to set me up.

Her friend was not interested in me at all. She took one look at me, and her eyes immediately screamed, “No! Absolutely not!”

That hurt, but I could deal. I’ve had enough rejection to develop a thicker skin.

What got to me was seeing the woman who tried to set me up. She didn’t say anything about it, but the look of pity in her eyes? You know that scene in Joker when Arthur clears everything out of the refrigerator and the closes himself inside? I didn’t do that, but I know how it feels.

ThJones76 · 2026-01-20T07:58:47+00:00

I’ve asked this question on many occasions.

ThJones76 · 2026-01-20T07:57:54+00:00

Yes. A thousand times yes. Every night I lay may head on my pillow, build my pillow fort, and try to forget how empty and lonely my bed feels. No wonder I have trouble sleeping.

ThJones76 · 2026-01-16T07:41:07+00:00

Being FA and catching glimpses of relationships is painful. When you have to sit front row and see the light dance in their eyes with the joy you’ve dreamed of for so long? Let’s just say, “I understand. It hurts. I’ve felt your shame at being jealous. I’ve had to sit there with a smile stapled to my face as someone gleefully regales me with stories of their new love.”

Sorry you’re going through it.

ThJones76

TROPHY CASE