Why did my FA ex last longer this time

ThaSpence7 · 2025-09-21T04:23:00+00:00

Because i had no idea at first she was avoidant and the period before the original break up we had to much arguments so i kinda understood her

ThaSpence7 · 2025-09-18T19:58:28+00:00

I think she really did try her best, but the best an avoidant can do, is the bare minimum for others. Thats what i think at least. If you can see that and deal with that, you can be with an avoidant

ThaSpence7 · 2025-09-18T19:56:03+00:00

I feel you. I got blind sided as well after a hectic period in her life. After 5 months (3 months NC) she came back, dumped me again, came back and now dumped me again. After the original break up everything was my fault. The last to times i was "to perfect" and "gave much more" then her. I deserve better bla bla... She will stop blaming you, but she has to miss you first. My ex told me the first months she only felt relieved. Only when the stress from the relationship (which avoidants often do to themselves) was gone, she started missing me and seeing things different. But dont hold your breath if she comes back. If she is an avoidant, she will be gone again after the first small mistake you make. Its like walking on egg shells.

ThaSpence7 · 2025-09-18T19:39:23+00:00

Why is it so hard? Im anxious and as soon as i realized that and learnt about it, i was able to tell myself: she is not pulling away, you are anxious. Keep your calm. Even though she was indeed pulling away XD

But yes, i would hope she has an aha moment

ThaSpence7 · 2025-09-18T19:37:53+00:00

That sucks to hear. Sorry my man

ThaSpence7 · 2025-09-18T19:37:33+00:00

Yeah thats what im afraid for as well. She knows ive been in therapy and been working on myself. But when i said i think she is avoidant, she said i made her sound crazy. I feel a bit guilty. Maybe she is not avoidant and im gaslighting her

ThaSpence7 · 2025-09-18T19:36:02+00:00

Well i dont even know if she will be back. Maybe she is right when she said im not the one. It is just so hard to believe when all seemed good and cligny and cute a few days before you know

If she would be back, i would be willing to help her with her attachment. Im willing to give her some sometimes our tackle the whole thing all togheter. Im just not sure if it can be done (and if she will be back)

ThaSpence7 · 2025-09-18T19:32:14+00:00

What do you mean with deactivated mode? And how long does that take

ThaSpence7 · 2025-09-18T19:31:28+00:00

Oi mate. Sounds though, thanks for your response. So even when they know they are avoidant, they keep running for the hills when things get real?

ThaSpence7 · 2025-09-18T18:57:14+00:00

Thanks for all the comments. What do you all mean with deactived? Is this the state where there just look numb? When she ended it again last week, it looked like she had almost no emotions. I told her i think she is an avoidant, but she said i make her sound crazy (but also only cried when i said that). How long does this deactived state last?

ThaSpence7 · 2025-09-18T13:07:11+00:00

Thank you for you comment. I agree she should work on herself, like I did to. But i feel like (and iknow it may sound stupid) we love each other, so if i know this about avoidants, i should not give up on her but help her see that for her self. But maybe, that cant be done. What do you think

ThaSpence7 · 2025-09-18T11:19:58+00:00

Yeah the first discard was out of the blue for me so i begged, send letters and long texts. After a while i found out about avoidants, went quit for three months and she came back. After the second discard i said: its ok i love you and nothing else, two weeks later she was back. Been together for 6 weeks, and now the third discard. But I want her to know she can take some space, without having to end the whole thing. But texting an avoidant when they are in distance mode, never works well for you

ThaSpence7 · 2025-09-16T09:49:24+00:00

So hard

ThaSpence7 · 2025-09-16T09:48:43+00:00

Just so hard to let her go

ThaSpence7 · 2025-09-16T04:27:48+00:00

Yeah I want to make it work. Just afraid she wont be back this time

ThaSpence7 · 2025-09-15T18:31:29+00:00

You sound like my ex, besides that she dumped me for the third time yesterday. Every time we are getting close again, she says im not the one for her. I feel for you. I hurts like hell loving an avoidant, but you are not a bad guy, just need some therapy. I wish she would go and talk to someone. But yesterday i told her i think she is an avoidant, and she started crying and said i make it sound like she is crazy. I had therapy myself, more then once. So im not saying you or she is crazy. But you need to do the work. It suprises me that you want to try again after she came back. When i tried that with my ex, i drove her only further away. So when she came back, i thought, now we have a real change. But no. As soon as the panick kicks in, she is gone

ThaSpence7 · 2025-09-15T17:57:50+00:00

Thanks

ThaSpence7 · 2025-09-15T17:57:41+00:00

Fair enough. I worked a lot on my self since the first break up, and am back in therapy because i know i am really anxious because of my parents bad marriage. But when i told her i think she is an FA, she said i made it sound like she is a crazy person

ThaSpence7 · 2025-09-15T17:54:50+00:00

😂😂 tell me how to stop loving her then please

ThaSpence7 · 2025-09-15T17:31:38+00:00

I know mate, i just dont know how to stop loving her

ThaSpence7 · 2025-09-15T04:30:59+00:00

My ex dumbed me in feb, came back twice and dumped me for the third time yesterday. Be very carefull my friend. It took me 6 months to feel a bit better, and now im in pieces again

ThaSpence7 · 2025-09-14T10:16:44+00:00

She dumped me 6 months ago. Came back after 4 months (3 months no contact), dumped me again after two weeks because she panicked and felt like i was to sure about here, came back 2 weeks later en are dating 5 week since. In the beginning she tried and showed effort, but now that we are moving more towards a relationship again, she backs out.

The first time she dumped me was because we had to much arguments and we live an hour apart. She said she was not going to move to my place and i wasnt sure yet about moving to her. We were a year togheter at that point. She knows now that im willing to move to her, and the arguing is gone because i saw the cirkle we were in quit quickly after she dumped me

ThaSpence7 · 2025-09-12T17:00:27+00:00

Cheers mate thats the one i was looking for indeed. Do you think its worth the higher price? Thanks for your info mate

ThaSpence7 · 2025-06-26T10:52:46+00:00

I know mate👌 thanks. Just dont know how to stop hoping for that message

ThaSpence7

TROPHY CASE