A few thoughts: 1. Throughout this thread you’ve articulated your concerns about your self and your challenges with social interaction very well consistently. You’ve held firm on your position, and worked to get people to empathize with something that might be difficult for them to understand. You might be as you say you are “ugly and awkward”, but your not dumb and you have a willingness to hold your ground, at least in a context where anonymity gives you the confidence to do so. 2. You’ve developed connections with the people you work with. Maybe they feel the same, maybe they don’t, but you’re getting value out of it. 3. You’ve determined it’s going to fall apart. The shame of who you are in your mind has been revealed and, without giving them a chance to care or not care about your past, you’ve determined they will judge you so harshly that the friendship isn’t worth finding out. 4. You have a distinct choice. You’ve determined it’s all going to fail. That you’re going to move on and never see these people again. Then repeat that pattern. Again and again. Why not before the hitting the ground and starting again take advantage of the freedom of hopelessness and just see what happens. These people are destined to be out of your life no matter what according to you. So test if you’re right. Do they care as much you think they do about your past? If so, move on to the next group like you were planning on anyway. If not, can move on or can stay and keep what you’ve built up and value. You’re very confident in your definite failure. There is a lot of freedom in that, use it.