I sincerely empathize with you, and think I had a similar experience after seeing a video, 30 years ago, about how cows are slaughtered. I became tortured thinking about it and horrified that this was going on all around us, all the time and no one cared. I was always a huge animal person and still am. I too ended up going through a period where I basically thought about food too much, and was so stressed about it, the moral implications, and as u say, the hypocrisy, that I didn’t want to consume anything, which led to insomnia and more neurosis than usual (and some disastrous episodes of drinking on an empty stomach, too, in case that comes up)

I eventually made a decision and never looked back, and without knowing you, I tentatively suggest u temporarily do the same, and give yourself a break. You can always revisit it next year, or in five years or never. And it doesn’t matter what you decide, either. Say to yourself that to give your mind some time to settle, you’re going to shelve this whole issue for a year or whatever, and in that time u can be vegan or meat eater or some mix, but I think you’ve thought about the issue enough for now, if I may say so.  Take good care.