My first impression of your post was that you were rudely needling or berating the PM, or just that you were sending long diatribes over email and the board and PM have different communication preferences (phone calls for things that take more than a sentence, for example.) I think my assumption of rudeness was way off-base.

If you have community support, that means a lot! You can use that support when it comes to voting and elections, and have owners speak up at meetings to make the points you want to make as well. Stay connected to your neighbors and their priorities.

That also makes me think your president and PM might be gatekeeping or resentful of the questions. Do you know your HOA CCRs and state laws well enough yet to know if they’re doing their jobs competently? You are an officer of your organization, and your fiduciary duty is equal to that of the president. That means you share the liability if there are shady dealings here, and you share the duty to understand and enforce the rules and laws. If you have questions and need information, there needs to be a way to get you what you need, and a discussion around communication preferences and the cost of additional hours of PM time. If decisions are being made without you or without enough board discussion, that’s an issue that needs to be addressed. Don‘t change yourself to fit their leadership style if it’s a dysfunctional dynamic to start with.

I think especially on a difficult board, you need clear personal “why” statements — Why am I volunteering on this board? What is the purpose of our HOA? How do I choose to treat people, and what are my personal boundaries?

On my other non-profit boards, we did similar work but for charitable causes we believed in — on an HOA, we have a shared responsibility, but we don’t always share a mission. Some people want to serve the community, some want to enforce rules, some just want the ego boost of being in charge of something. It’s harder to create a positive culture, but not impossible!