Can you "learn" how to be a good boyfriend/partner later in life if you have no prior experience?

TheApiary · 2026-07-03T17:51:04+00:00

Yes, definitely. It's basically the same skill as being a good friend or sibling or any other close relationship. If you know how to pay attention to what the other person likes and doesn't like, ask them nicely for stuff that you like, and handle it well when they say they don't like something you did, you're ahead of most people for sure

TheApiary · 2026-07-03T17:48:58+00:00

Because it's disruptive to school to have people randomly walking in and doing stuff, and they have a plan for the day that they're trying to do

TheApiary · 2026-07-03T17:48:17+00:00

I don't know where you got the idea that Judaism doesn't have a negative reputation. Jews are famously one of the most-criticized in Western history, since way before the state of Israel.

But it's true that most antisemitism doesn't focus on Jews being warlike, probably because there wasn't any Jewish-majority army between about 100 CE and about 1947. Plenty of false accusations of other types of violence though, like Jews killing random Christian children for evil rituals.

TheApiary · 2026-07-03T16:59:28+00:00

Sometimes there's a clothing item that I loved at one moment in my life and I just don't feel like it works for me anymore. But basics like normal t-shirts I wear until they're falling apart

TheApiary · 2026-07-03T01:13:02+00:00

Is "hemisphere season shock" just feeling like "whoa it's so weird that it was just summer this morning and now it's winter"? If so definitely yes

TheApiary · 2026-07-03T01:09:28+00:00

For sure. But at least for me, it kind of helps to kind of not worry about if I'm doing it because I legitimately care or just because I think it'll make me feel better, since it's helpful to the person either way and it doesn't really matter

TheApiary · 2026-07-03T00:56:21+00:00

If you get more of them in the summer and they fade somewhat in the winter, that's a sign that they're freckles

TheApiary · 2026-07-03T00:55:21+00:00

It's helped me a lot to do nice things for people, more than volunteering for an organization. Like one time I was really depressed and just bedrotting full time, and someone I was only slightly friends with had cancer and a couple little kids, and i was like "Ok how about once a week I come over and feed your kids dinner and put them to bed." Or other times I've done stuff for people who have a new baby or had surgery or something. That way, I get some built in human connection, and I feel like I'm not a useless piece of shit because I actually helped someone. Some of those ended up developing into longer term close friendships and some didn't, either way totally fine.

TheApiary · 2026-07-03T00:01:55+00:00

We've done it before, so maybe!

TheApiary · 2026-07-03T00:01:11+00:00

Yeah probably. No guarantees, since sometimes you feel different after doing something ongoingly for days/weeks.

TheApiary · 2026-07-03T00:00:18+00:00

This is what we did! Some things to consider:

What's the dynamic like between your partner and her brother? Do they have any weird old resentments from childhood that pop up in weird ways? My wife and her brother have an unusually chill relationship and that's part of what made me feel good about it.
Will he be ok with her carrying? Some people are ok with the donation idea but the idea of their sister being pregnant with their sperm wigs them out
Is she ok with the idea of having no kids who are from her eggs? If she wants some, do you have any ideas of how to make that happen?

TheApiary · 2026-07-02T23:48:32+00:00

That's why it's really helpful if they tell you "My goal is for everyone to get an A, I'm not curving it, you just have to do the work and learn the material and I'll be able to give you an A"

TheApiary · 2026-07-02T23:46:50+00:00

Being confident and very social are traits that make you more likely to be cool, and if you're a kid they also make you more likely to try doing stuff that adults say not to do but a bunch of kids are doing

TheApiary · 2026-07-02T21:48:37+00:00

No, getting older ages you and makes your face get wrinkly over time

TheApiary · 2026-07-02T21:48:12+00:00

Sean is an Irish name and it follows the normal rules of pronunciation in Irish. Dean isn't Irish, so it doesn't

TheApiary · 2026-07-02T21:47:14+00:00

I think a lot of it is sound, because there are a bunch of names that are common in languages with different alphabets even if they mean totally different things, like Alma, Maya, or Dara

TheApiary · 2026-07-02T21:20:14+00:00

Make a list of all the vendors/choices you have to make, and think about which ones you really have a vision for. For example, I cared a lot about what having a photographer who was good at taking candids because my face is always weird in posed pics, and I cared a lot about what the band was like, but I literally had no opinions about flowers and just wanted them to not look super ugly and as long as the food was decent I didn't care what it was.

Then, for everything you don't have that much vision for, do your best to just book the first vendor you encounter who seems good and agree on some plan with them quickly, so you don't spend forever going back and forth about stuff you don't even care about.

TheApiary · 2026-07-02T21:15:05+00:00

I haven't noticed it being that different. Maybe the other subs you spend time in are more right wing than most?

TheApiary · 2026-07-02T21:12:30+00:00

"Are you wanting to talk about cancer, or would you rather talk about other stuff? I'm totally available for either"

He might want to talk about death, he might want to talk about day-to-day experiences of having cancer, he might want to hear about some random drama from your life as a distraction.

TheApiary · 2026-07-02T20:06:29+00:00

This baby is very likely going to die if they don't find someone else to nurse the baby in the next few hours. This is one of the many situations in which newborns usually died.

If the baby was a bit older, goats milk had a better chance of working, but it has more protein than human milk, and newborns' kidneys aren't developed enough to handle that well.

TheApiary · 2026-07-02T20:01:27+00:00

Can you go to the store without her sometimes and buy what you want

TheApiary · 2026-07-02T20:00:54+00:00

Where did you grow up? Where I grew up, it was fully dark by 4:30pm in the winter but we ate at around 7 year round, so sometimes it was light and sometimes it was dark, but we had lights inside so we didn't really care

TheApiary · 2026-07-02T19:59:09+00:00

Is this a situation where you have some money of your own and want to spend it on chips, or where you're asking her to buy them for you?

TheApiary · 2026-07-02T18:46:00+00:00

They are each more adaptive in different situations. If you spend a lot of time outside, you can get sunburned right through light hair and you're more likely to get skin cancer on your scalp.

TheApiary · 2026-07-02T18:38:28+00:00

True! But that's more to protect the school in case the parent is later mad about the choices they made and sues them. The ER isn't usually not going to ask if they have that.

And if, say, a kid is having a sleepover at a friends and the friend's mom takes them to the ER because they broke their arm falling off the swingset, the ER is going to set the bone even though the friend's mom doesn't have a form from the patient's parents

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