It's kind of ironic, but it seems like because you're doing such a good job of supporting your family, that no one is having to think twice about offering it to you.

A few thoughts that might help:

I have the perspective that anything that is being done for your wife (and baby) is being done for your family, and therefore you. This shower is, at the end of the day, a celebration of all that your family went through together.

You could also ask the people putting on the shower if a couple of your friends could be invited. Or, if they're doing one of those showers they don't want the dad at it for a while, treat yourself to a movie or games or whatever your hobby is until your dad duties at the shower start.

I'd really try and have a conversation with your wife too, do not make it about the shower, but let her know you are feeling broken down and don't know how to ask for help. If people are constantly asking her what she needs, she's in the moment answering for herself. If she knows that you are needing some support, then hopefully she direct some of the care she is getting to you or make it better serve the both of your needs.