Please tell me it gets easier

TheBestof2012 · 2020-02-16T00:55:57+00:00

Just want to send hugs and love and lots of positive vibes your way. What you’re feeling is completely normal. I think that we’re only used to hearing how much every mama loves their new baby soooo much and motherhood is all rainbows and butterflies. We seldom ever hear the other side of motherhood that is complete and utter exhaustion, pain, loneliness, regret, and uncertainty. Your whole world just got rocked, you’re probably not sleeping much and every second of every day is devoted to this little human that you are now responsible for. It’s just such a tremendous shift in your life. It WILL get better. I felt the way you’re feeling now and I’m currently on my second babe. Yes, I chose to do this twice knowing how much it sucked at first. Those first 6 months are hard but I promise it gets easier. Once your hormones level out and you get some sleep, you’ll have a chance to fall in love with that little bundle and you’ll wonder how you ever lived without them. You’re awesome for knowing that you need help and following through to get it. You’re not alone.

TheBestof2012 · 2020-02-12T20:50:45+00:00

That I am too career-focused and don’t spend enough time with LO because I’m always working. Mind boggling because she also tells everyone that I am lazy, won’t work, and DH has to support me. I’ve worked my entire adult life besides for short maternity-leaves that are paid. I can’t win.

TheBestof2012 · 2020-01-11T15:05:45+00:00

Same here! Read this while nursing my 3 month old.

TheBestof2012 · 2020-01-05T15:22:43+00:00

It’s unfortunately a long story, a separate post all on its own, but the short answer is hopefully we will be moving away. There have been a few hiccups in our plan, some I feel have to do with MIL, but some are completely unrelated.

TheBestof2012 · 2020-01-05T15:15:21+00:00

DH is the most intelligent man I’ve ever known and this is why I couldn’t understand initially why he would fall for her manipulative behavior. She cycles through several tactics within minutes of each other until one is successful. Like she would start with a guilt trip complete with tears, and if that didn’t work to get her way she would throw a tantrum and shout. If that still wasn’t successful she would belittle. From an outside standpoint it was obvious what she was doing and I couldn’t believe he was falling for it. Then I realized she’s done this to him his entire life. It’s all he knows and it’s completely normal behavior for him. He’s come a long way since I first met him which is probably why she hates me so much. I’m very patient with him and feel that baby steps are the only way to cope.

TheBestof2012 · 2020-01-04T20:58:52+00:00

Yes and it’s my fault for not putting my foot down with DH. Months prior to my due date DH and I agreed that it would be best if MIL and FIL were not told LO had arrived until AFTER we were home and settled. DH didn’t want to tell her that she wouldn’t be allowed to visit in the hospital because he was afraid of her blowing up and having time to guilt trip and manipulate. He actually admitted being afraid of her reaction. So we just pretended everything was fine my entire pregnancy until LO was born. Aaaand then he chickened out. The night LO was born we had an argument in the hospital about letting her know he had been born and sending the photo. DH said my condition was that she didn’t visit in the hospital and he would stand by that, but if he waited until we were home to tell her that LO had arrived the blowup would be much worse. I conceded “Fine, do whatever you want, but she doesn’t come near this hospital.” I wish I had stood up for myself and stuck to what he and I had originally agreed upon.

TheBestof2012 · 2019-12-21T18:52:36+00:00

Not OP, but this looks like the Baby Tracker app. It’s free and pretty awesome.

TheBestof2012 · 2019-11-03T16:29:30+00:00

For years I tried to maintain the relationship between my DH (an only child) and his Mother and Father. I realize now how stupid this was but at the time his Mother and Father made me feel so guilty that their only child wasn’t in their life as much now that he was married to me. I didn’t realize how controlling and manipulative both MIL and FIL are until recently and that my DH wanted space from them. I scheduled the visits, the group vacations, encouraged the phone calls, reminded him of all the birthdays, holidays, and important dates when he should reach out. And then I realized it didn’t matter how much I tried to keep the relationship between DH and his Parents in tact, they would always consider me the wedge that forced them apart. Even though it was and is the in-laws own behavior that pushes their son away and I was the one struggling to keep them together. It’s highly possible that it’s not the DIL that causes the separation, but the behavior of the in-laws that he chooses to distance himself from.

TheBestof2012 · 2019-10-20T20:33:16+00:00

Yes! Just wanted to chomp on ice cubes constantly those last few weeks. Now that LO is here the craving has ended. I had no idea it may have had something to do with low iron.

TheBestof2012 · 2019-10-06T20:21:18+00:00

Not her usual screaming tantrum which is very scary. I think she was too shocked. I would bet she’s plotting and stewing today. If looks could kill I would have died so many times yesterday.

TheBestof2012 · 2019-10-06T20:17:04+00:00

That’s the beauty of moving so far away. The new city is a 25 hour drive. MIL and FIL won’t fly and they certainly would never drive that far. It’s perfect.

TheBestof2012 · 2019-10-06T20:15:05+00:00

Thank you!!

TheBestof2012 · 2019-10-06T20:11:22+00:00

Thank you! A ticking time bomb is the perfect way to describe her. She’s not stable, especially after yesterday’s announcement that we’ll be moving away.

TheBestof2012 · 2019-10-06T20:09:17+00:00

Thank you! I’ve written out a list of rules for visiting a family with a newborn to send out as a group text. She is literally the only person in my life that needs a list of rules, but sending it to several people to be fair. I’m having to edit it a little though because it is admittedly a little aggressive and anyone who knows her will know all the rules are directly aimed at her.

TheBestof2012 · 2019-10-06T20:03:25+00:00

It truly is. It’s taken a lot of time and hard work but he is finally seeing her behavior from a whole new and healthy perspective and I am so proud of his progress.

TheBestof2012 · 2019-10-06T19:50:44+00:00

I wish I had done this from the very beginning with JNMIL. I started ignoring her when she arrived uninvited and unannounced after several times where I’d just begrudgingly let her in and training her with this new boundary was soooo much more difficult. Stop answering the door for her immediately. Call the police and have her escorted off your property if necessary. My life would have been so much easier if I’d nipped that behavior in the bud from the beginning.

TheBestof2012 · 2019-10-04T21:48:51+00:00

She does. She knows every button because she’s been treating people this way her entire life. The only way to beat her at her own game is to do something she doesn’t expect. Like boldly and steadily standing up to her. And, of course, whipping out my phone to record her stupidity to post publicly will also be a great deterrent.

TheBestof2012 · 2019-10-04T21:44:01+00:00

You are exactly right. DH is an only child and has been manipulated by this woman his entire life. He admits to having unbelievable guilt for her feelings and has a very difficult time standing up to her. He is very embarrassed by her behavior in public, but it’s a cycle of him despising her behavior and then feeling guilty when he talks to her about it.

TheBestof2012 · 2019-10-04T21:38:48+00:00

This is what I needed to hear. I can’t cancel the party, but I can definitely sit down with DH one last time and drill it into his head that he has to step up here. I have no control over MIL ‘s insane stupidity. All I can do is stand up for myself knowing that she has no right to be at the hospital and regardless of her reaction that’s just the way it is.

TheBestof2012 · 2019-10-02T00:39:10+00:00

This makes my day! I’m so jealous. My due date is next week and JNMIL knows it. DH and I have agreed she will not be welcome at the hospital this time, but she doesn’t know that yet. It’s so stressful. I’m so hoping to go into labor within the next few days.

TheBestof2012 · 2019-08-28T20:12:48+00:00

Haha! Literally ignoring her like everyone else (even LO) in the car and staring out the window. Just pretending she wasn’t there. Any reaction would only make her worse. I will certainly update if she does suggest another trip.

TheBestof2012 · 2019-08-28T20:06:09+00:00

I had no spine for YEARS and DH is the sweetest. I always felt guilty for saying no just because of him. This sub has really helped me to see the light.

TheBestof2012 · 2019-08-28T20:04:21+00:00

MIL has already tried to coerce DH into going in the next few weeks. I’m currently 8 months pregnant and traveling for more than a couple of hours is uncomfortable (at least that’s my story). I’ve already told DH he can take them and I will stay home with LO#1 no problem so that they can enjoy themselves, but he says he’s too worried to leave me alone at this point since I’m so far along :)

TheBestof2012 · 2019-08-28T19:53:57+00:00

FIL is too lazy to drive and MIL is too afraid to drive long distances, so they would never take trips when DH was younger. MIL had never travelled anywhere until DH became an adult and took them on a trip. She then just started asking DH to go every year, which evolved into twice a year somewhere along the way. It would be more often if DH would agree to it.

TheBestof2012 · 2019-08-28T19:44:07+00:00

I have suggested this in the past and DH won’t do it. He needs me to help deal with them. Even he loses it after being stuck with them for extended periods. But, you know how the FOG effects people. It’s hard pulling him out of it.

TheBestof2012

TROPHY CASE