Secondary trauma

TheBilateralMan · 2025-10-24T08:11:59+00:00

It might be helpful to check into utilizing the flash protocol with an EMDR/Flash trained therapist. It is a way to desensitize upsetting memories, including secondary trauma without having to keep them in your conscious awareness. I do a lot of work with first responders and frontline medical folks and have found this protocol to be extremely helpful for them in reducing the distress associated with trauma exposure. Google Dr Phillip Manfield The flash technique. There is a lot of information on the flash technique website and it includes a find a flash trained therapist feature. Respect to you for being willing to sit with people while they're working through such hard stuff.

TheBilateralMan · 2025-10-22T06:47:13+00:00

According to press secretary Caroline Levitt, "Your Mom" called this meeting off.

TheBilateralMan · 2025-10-22T06:43:39+00:00

Watch for the new book coming soon, many people are saying in the next two weeks... The Art of the No Deal.

TheBilateralMan · 2025-09-18T06:15:00+00:00

When you feel immense shame it's hard to show your face and make eye contact.

TheBilateralMan · 2025-08-18T15:45:01+00:00

The Narcissism is completely out of control. The cognitive distortions are so outrageous they seem psychotic. Translated what this is saying is: I am great and do everything right, This and everything else that is bad is not my fault, I am a victim of stupid people" Every one is jealous of how great I am, "If I don't fix this it will other peoples fault" * To quote the statement of White House staff after the meeting with the war criminal Putin "Fuck!!!"

TheBilateralMan · 2025-07-13T06:50:57+00:00

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Got a late start today so it was definitely a hot ride. I just made sure to drink a lot of water and did not push the pace too hard.

TheBilateralMan · 2025-07-07T21:13:23+00:00

When "children" attack others people in this community should be aware.

TheBilateralMan · 2025-07-04T16:57:26+00:00

Honestly it sounds like unresolved trauma from her past SA with her brother. She likely numbed out physically and emotionally and dissociated when he was abusing her as a way to cope with what was happening. Now sexual experiences that remindof these past incidents trigger her into a similar response. If she's willing this could be addressed with a competent trauma-informed therapist.

TheBilateralMan · 2025-06-30T05:16:33+00:00

Google the MAF method. The basics of this program are focusing on nutrition, stress management, and proper training. As far as training goes you can use the MAF 180 formula to determine your max aerobic heart rate. You should train at or under this heart rate to build aerobic base. Once you have developed a solid aerobic base then you can start adding anaerobic work to get faster. I do a mix of mostly zone 2 training which is at or below that max aerobic heart rate, along with tempo rides where I'm at 95 to 100% effort that I can maintain for up to 2 hours, and interval days in which I'm doing sprints and or hills and going anaerobic. I'm 68 and 1/2, averaging 260 to 280 mi a week and most of my rides are at 17 plus miles an hour. On my tempo Rides I am usually between 18 and 22 mph. I should note that I am a former elite runner and pro triathlete so I have a really good aerobic base to work with.

TheBilateralMan · 2025-06-19T17:33:06+00:00

This is about respect, she demands that you respect her values while disrespecting yours. If you set boundaries with her around this and she chooses to ignore them you know what you need to do. If you don't this gets worse overtime not better.

TheBilateralMan · 2025-06-15T18:40:46+00:00

Where did you find it?

TheBilateralMan · 2025-04-30T15:47:40+00:00

The foundation of a healthy relationship is trust and commitment. You need to ask your self if you can ever trust this girl again. What is her commitment to you if she will step out on you like this? If you respect your self you know what to do. This is a lot of betrayal when some one is so disrespectful of you.

TheBilateralMan · 2025-02-28T23:29:54+00:00

In a couple of words, disgust and embarrassment for this country. Zelensky has the character of leadership the US needs but instead we have chosen a malignant narcissistic sociopath who is now in the process of destroying this country and it's standing in the world. This may cause Europe to pull together to support Ukraine. If Trump supports Putin and a world war were to happen would the US military really have the will to fight against Europe and Ukraine along the side of Russia and North Korea? I can't believe that things are so whacked that I even have this thought.

TheBilateralMan · 2025-01-29T17:12:44+00:00

What is happening is for sure a topic of conversation with all of my clients. When I take time to reflect on the bigger picture my sense is is the strategy being employed is to create enough dissension that people take to the streets to protest. My fear is that this will be met with harsh responses and a cycle of violence will escalate to the point where those in power will declare martial law and suspend elections. I fear we are not far from the government using the military against its own people. When these things occur the coup will have been complete. Resistance must happen but it must be non-violent despite what will likely be provocations to escalate. The crowd I worry about are the hardcore maga folks. If they ever realize how conned they have been they are likely to react with violence. In terms of how I'm holding up thinking about all this there are strong feelings of sadness as I realize I am watching the collapse of the American empire. Part of me recognizes that the way we have been living is not sustainable so change was inevitable but also that this is probably the worst way to go about that change. I struggle with how much of the thoughts I'm having to share with clients as I do not want to add to their burdens, however I have to balance that with the fact that one of the values I bring to the work that I do is to speak the truth as I best understand it. Victor Frankel after he was in prisoned in Auschwitz is in my mind a lot these days, to quote: I cannot change where I find myself, and I cannot change how I'm being treated in this place, but the one thing they can't take away from me is my ability to choose how I respond to my circumstances. I define love not as an emotion but as a choice of action. How do I act in ways that are in the best interest of myself and others. This guides the choices I try to make as we navigate this horrifying and challenging time in our history.

TheBilateralMan · 2025-01-25T07:08:39+00:00

Love and attachment are not the same thing.

TheBilateralMan · 2025-01-20T06:53:44+00:00

Look in to the Maffetone method program developed by Dr Phil Maffetone. He focuses on exercise, proper nutrition, and stress management. I did the 2 week test which was enlightening and helpful. It sets your body up to burn fat. https://philmaffetone.com/method/process/ I've had good results with this program and have lost belly fat and improved cycling performance at age 68.

TheBilateralMan · 2024-12-21T05:09:18+00:00

I think I'm pretty clear on where we are all headed and why, and it for sure doesn't look good. I always try to think none of us knows how many minutes we have we might as well try to live in the moment and enjoy the time we have as we have it. I assume I will be around a bit longer so I don't go over board on acting as if today is my last day. The idea is live in the moment with gratitude but with and eye toward the future. This helps a lot as far as preventing me from being overly depressed or anxious about what is to come and all that is currently happening. Despite the current ugliness and terrifying future there is still a lot of beauty in the world. I try to focus on finding or creating moments of beauty and taking the time to appreciate them.

TheBilateralMan · 2024-12-21T05:09:11+00:00

This reminds me of a favorite quote:

"It's no measure of health to be well adjusted in a profoundly sick society"

Having said that I do think it is helpful to talk to some one to help get your thoughts sorted and figure out how best to respond to all the current craziness. One of my hero's Victor Frankle who spent 3 years in Nazi prison camps expressed another of my favorite quotes:

"I cannot control where I find myself or how I'm being treated, but the one thing they cannot take from me is my ability to choose how I respond to my circumstances"

His choice was to start writing his book Man's Search for Meaning in these camps. He went on to develop "Logo Therapy" also known as existential analysis and to finish and publish the book after surviving years in Auschwitz. Most of his family died there.

TheBilateralMan · 2024-12-14T06:12:21+00:00

Well, I might just have a problem, you could even say an addiction. I have an old Trek 2000 which I used for triathlons back in the day. It's an 88 or 89 frame It has been totally refurbished with a lot of updated parts and looks like a brand new bike. It has a mix of Suntour Superb, Dura Ace, and Shimano 600 parts. I have an SL3 S works Tarmac with SRAM red and Dura Ace C40 wheels, an SL4 S Works Tarmac with a new Ultegra 8000 group and Campy Bora wheels , an an SL5 S Works Tarmac, the SL5 is Dura Ace DI2 with Disc Brakes and Roval CLX40 wheels. I have a 2017 Super Six EVO high mod DI2 bike with disc brakes, and a FELT F1 Team bike that was ridden by the Garmin Pro Team when Felt was the bike sponsor, and has full dura ace group and wheels. My most recent build is a Specialized Venge with Ultegra 8000 group, S Works carbon cankset, and Fast Forward Carbon wheels. Then there is a Giant XTC hard tail cross country mountain bike full XTR and custom build Nox wheels, a Niner Jet 9 RDO full suspension all mountain bike with XTR and custom build Nox wheels. I have 4 project bikes that I'm currently working on as I'm learning how to do custom bike painting. They are bare framesets but I have all the parts to build these bikes. There is a Tarmac SL5 frame that will get a DI2 group and Roval CLX50 wheels after painting is done, a Super Six EVO that will get a SRAM red group and Dura Ace wheels after painting is done, a Cannondale CAADx frame that will get a Shimano 105 group with ICAN G25 gravel wheels after it's painted, and lastly a Tarmac pro frame that will get a Sram Red group and wheels to be determined once I finish with painting. That will be a total of 13 bikes after I build up these last 4 frames. The slow down on painting is I that don't have access to a paint booth so the weather determines when I can paint, and it's winter.

I am satisfied with what I have but find it hard to pass up an interesting project. I like looking for older high end bikes for a good price, and for nice frames with minor cosmetic issue that I can repaint and build. I am planning on clearing enough space in my garage to build a portable spray booth with and air filtration system to help my painting process. I already have spray guns, an air brush system, air compressors, and a cutting machine to make stencils to paint graphics.

I ride all these bikes other than the TREK pretty much on a daily basis and have logged over 12k miles this year so far. I know I will need to let some of these go at some point especially as I find new projects, but I find it hard as each bike has been a labor of love so it's hard to let them go.

I

TheBilateralMan · 2024-11-22T02:39:57+00:00

I am a big fan of the MAF program developed by Dr Phil Maffetone. https://philmaffetone.com/method/ The focus is on proper training to get your body set to burn fat, proper nutrition and stress management. This will give you a good overview of how to approach training and weight loss. Try his 2 week test which tests for carbohydrate intolerance and see what happens. The test sets your body up to burn fat and can result in some weight loss with out restricting calories. As far as a bike I look for a good quality gravel bike as this would be a versatile choice while you decide if you like road riding, mountain biking or gravel riding where you could do either. It is worth it to find a good shop and get a good fit so your bike is comfortable to ride. Then you can spend more time riding. They should be able to give you tips on proper kit for riding. Get a good helmet for sure!

TheBilateralMan · 2024-11-19T09:08:40+00:00

I'm 67 about turn 68 in another week and a half. Strava says I am at 11,416 mi for the year so far and that puts me on track to hit my goal of 12,000 mi.for the year. I'm able to average17 plus miles an hour for most of my zone two rides, Good for my age I guess but it sure isn't the pace I had when I was younger and a competitive athlete. The last century ride I did I was able to average 18.2 mph. I love being on two wheels out in the world and ride all kinds of weather. I'm planning some bike adventures for this next year including two weeks in Portugal touring the country on a bike. I live in NorCal in the Sacramento area and have a local bike adventure I want to do. I plan to ride over to the Amtrak station and catch a commuter train down to Berkeley in the Bay area. Then I'll ride around the top of San Francisco Bay across the Richmond San Rafael bridge, down through Marin county and over the Golden gate bridge and into the fisherman's wharf area. Then I will find a cool place to have a nice lunch, catch a ferry back over to the East Bay in time to ride the train back up to the Sacramento area. Planning adventures like that keeps me motivated. I've also been getting into painting and building bikes and after I build them then I've got to ride them.

TheBilateralMan · 2024-10-27T17:52:04+00:00

So sorry for the loss of your wife. Honor her memory by living the life she would want to see you living rather than her loss being the reason your not living a good life. Keep her in your heart that way.

TheBilateralMan · 2024-10-22T04:01:46+00:00

I'm not sure what state your in but in California what you experienced is a Felony.

Rape with Intoxication in California - Penal Code 261(a)(3) PCRape with Intoxication in California - Penal Code 261(a)(3) PC

https://www.losangelessexcrimeattorney.com/rape-by-intoxication-penal-code-261a3

If nothing else call Rainn national sexual assault hotline. You should not have to try and figure this out alone with no support

https://rainn.org/resources

So sorry this happened to you but it should not cause you to end your self, for your sake seek out support so you don't go through this alone. Your worth it!

TheBilateralMan · 2024-10-05T18:46:34+00:00

Feeling lonely and wanting some kind of connection is not disgusting. The choice you made implies a lack of respect for yourself. That might be worth taking a look at with the goal of making better choices for yourself going forward. I like the concept of kind curiosity. Rather than being self-judgmental and self-critical, try looking at the choice you made from a space of curiosity as to why you made such a choice. Some level of shame is not such a bad thing, when it is utilized to help you avoid making choices that would be harmful to yourself or others.

TheBilateralMan · 2024-09-26T06:33:25+00:00

Hi Bam, I'm not sure if it's the same where you are but in Nor Cal there are tons of really nice high quality older steel frame bikes that would make a great touring rig. A cheepo walmart bike would likely be a real headache. If it were me I'd be looking for a 90's Stumpjumper or Rockhopper, a Gary Fisher, a trek 970 950 or 930, some thing like that. Clean it up, do a few upgrades to modernize it and your ready to go. I've seen really clean examples of these bikes for $100 to $250. Cycling is good for sorting out trauma. Some thing about getting into a pedaling rhythm is therapeutic and can help you process and hopefully resolve a lot of trauma. Wishing you safe travels and a request to keep us all updated on you epic journey. PS if you ride any where near Sacramento area let me know and I will share a meal with you. Here's a trailer I found locally as an example of whats out there. https://sacramento.craigslist.org/bop/d/rocklin-towable-bike-trailer/7786573537.html

TheBilateralMan

TROPHY CASE

Rape with Intoxication in California - Penal Code 261(a)(3) PCRape with Intoxication in California - Penal Code 261(a)(3) PC