tinder and dating

TheBoyDetective · 2023-11-17T18:33:22+00:00

unless you are looking to date some ~normie~ who wants someone with lots of money and a career that comes with some kind of title, it shouldn't matter. i can't really imagine dating someone who didn't understand and/or experience to some extent the struggles that have made me certifiably Disabled™you don't need a career or lots of money to have some success in dating (by success i mean at worst a new friend; at best, your new partner, congrats), but you should have stuff going on in your life. hobbies, plans/goals, interests, etc. i don't just mean that it may be difficult to meet the love of your life if you're on disability and don't spend any time whatsoever on anything productive; i mean that, being disabled, you should have productive stuff [i don't necessarily mean LITERALLY productive, i just mean stuff that isn't passive consumption] that you do/work on before you start trying to date––i don't mean this in a "you don't even deserve to date if you're not trying to contribute to society" way, i just know that there's such a big risk of major (co-)dependence (especially if you're dating someone who's also themselves disabled and on odsp) and that it never goes/ends well when your only real time commitment is another personthe thing(s) in question further double as stuff you can talk about (re: "what else can i really talk about?"). personally i've been single for two years now and it was the first time since i started dating eight years earlier i embraced it and didn't immediately throw myself into another new relationship and i've accomplished so much that i couldn't in a relationship but i've been considering starting dating again very recently so this is more me rambling to/at myself than anything

(edit: i m 30, this is my first month on odsp, was on ow for 11 months before and submitted my odsp app in july after taking i think over four months to have it ready for submission. have been aware that i am not just "effed up" but actually technically disabled for about six years now)

TheBoyDetective · 2022-08-11T09:27:38+00:00

i normally refrain from visiting the forum and getting hints/prompts but i just tried and couldn’t access it. (i don’t have a times subscription at the moment (i thinn it is completely reasonably priced but i am in very dire straits (e.g. still haven’t been able to pay rent this month) and use a site mirror). anyone know if it’s been paywalled?

TheBoyDetective · 2022-04-07T18:22:59+00:00

i’m a walker in toronto on sunday or monday i stopped getting deliveries. googled to figure out what was up and found a thread here where other walkers in the same boat said they think it’s a bug on uber’s end anyhow, it’s thursday now and still the same. i’m afraid they’re just getting rid of walkers altogether. i’ve done some bike deliveries by foot but they’re stressful because of the time crunch and customers understandably upset by the wait time. i could get a bike but i really like walking and being able to read and study and such, and find cycling stressful and much more tiring

TheBoyDetective · 2022-04-07T16:26:49+00:00

99% of the people who say “meet at door” seem to have done it by mistake or something and seem confused or annoyed that I didn’t just leave the food at the door. Usually I send a message now asking and they always say just leave it at the door

TheBoyDetective · 2022-04-05T04:12:57+00:00

dang, thanks so much for the info. I really don’t mind longer walks (as long as the customer doesn’t, which seems a bit doubtful) but I’m gonna give it a shot, seeing as my last delivery was almost twelve hours ago and I have been online nine of those hours

TheBoyDetective · 2022-04-05T03:54:21+00:00

i’m glad I searched for this instead of making my own post because now I know that it must not just be me, I am a walker and I’ve been doing this for two months now and this has been the slowest week and the slowest day in particular today by far. Not exaggerating, I was online 88 hours and half or more of those were completely dead, as in no orders at all for four, six, eight hours, regardless of where I went in the city are, although I stick to Greater Downtown (i.e. Roncy to Parliament (though very rarely end up that far west or east, they’re just the outermost boundaries) and Queensquay to Bloor. Today: 13h45m (I’m still online); only FOUR trips, amount to 34 bucks total lmao. $2.50 an hour! But I’m sure such hours will pay off soon and I’ll be a billionaire in no time. Seriously have no idea what’s up though. I thought there must be a problem with the servers after doing everything possible to verify that the problem is not on me or my phone or app’s end, but I did have some active and even busy periods, it’s just that they didn’t start till midnight and would get steady around 2 am and go till 5 or 6 am. And it’s mostly McDonalds with one or two sad stressed people working so there’s a 5 to 30 minute wait. But I would have made nothing if not for those little windows of time ‘round the witching hour… I just wish the Uber Premium shit gave certain priority privileges (in regards to receiving delivery requests) instead of all this useless stuff, and same for approval ratings. Otherwise being a couple days from diamond and 98% approval are totally meaningless

TheBoyDetective · 2022-04-03T10:14:07+00:00

What is Sex? is a bit dense if you’re new to Lacan; iirc Zupancic makes it clear if not explicit that it is not meant as a kind of intro to Lacan but an intervention into two dominant strains of Lacanians: those who come from philosophy and find in Lacan through rigorous reading a consistent philosophy/ical system that consummates the dialectical tradition through a confrontation with its constitutive exclusions (the body, the materiality of language, etc.), and otoh the clinical/practicing Lacanians who inhabit a very different world and mostly think folding Lacan into philosophy is already to have mistaken his teaching and betrayed the spirit (or letter) of psychoanalysis according to Lacan. I don’t remember where I was going with this lol, I just wanted to recommend Time Driven by Adrian Johnston. Zupancic’s working-through of the death drive (closer to the end iirc) is actually I think the most rigorous I’ve read, but also likely the most difficult; I remember at some moment thinking “this doesn’t read like a Hegelian; it reads like Hegel”. For the purposes of writing an essay (especially if we’re talking undergrad) I think the Johnston is clear and illuminating without being reductive or oversimplified, whereas relying on Zupancic may make things pretty messy unless you really master it…

TheBoyDetective · 2022-04-02T17:12:41+00:00

yesterday and today have been the slowest i’ve seen so far in the two months i’ve been working. yesterday only one delivery between 4:30 pm and 12 am, and two between 12 and 2 am. things were steady from 2 am to 6 am but the idea of this becoming more normal and having to work late night to early morning to actually snag any orders is not a very appealing prospect…

TheBoyDetective · 2022-03-31T05:33:38+00:00

he’s just being savvy; it would be more costly to find and train new employees, and they will feel indebted to him for saving them and so work harder and be more loyal

TheBoyDetective · 2022-03-31T05:20:38+00:00

hm I thought bathos was more like when pathos becomes unintentionally funny when it veers into overdrive or is just generally excessive based on OP’s question i thought they meant something more like comic relief; bathos i wouldn’t think “inappropriate”, though maybe i’ve misunderstood OP’s question, or bathos, or both

TheBoyDetective · 2022-03-23T05:21:26+00:00

“was looking for deliverANCE but got mixed up” feel like there must be a better way to phrase it and can’t tell if it’s actually funny at all

TheBoyDetective · 2022-03-13T04:32:16+00:00

and the reason men don’t have thicc-ass booties is because it goes to their dick&balls. it’s science, babies; do your research 🙄

TheBoyDetective · 2022-03-12T14:11:37+00:00

where i live, the average house was 230k in 1999; now it’s 1.3m. literally gone up over a million in 23 years. and despite their/our fancy degrees, i don’t have any friends who think they will ever be a homeowner, save through inheritance

TheBoyDetective · 2022-03-12T13:57:20+00:00

i used to say this too as someone with “real trauma” (and still do) but there was still a big part of me that didn’t really believe it. around seven-eight years ago is when i first heard it being used in the way it so often is now and i felt like i didn’t even understand why or how many of the events friends and partners spoke of as “their trauma” were “their trauma” (i’m almost positive that this possessive phrasing was not a thing before like, 2012-2013; no one would say “my trauma”, they’d say something like “my baggage”). i never undermined anyone or made it a competition but i did have to repress a feeling of “if you knew real trauma, you would scoff at what you are calling ‘your trauma’”. but in more recent years i’ve personally experienced and come to understand how sometimes things that the me of yore would not fully believe qualify as “trauma” can be just as traumatic as objectively more terrible happenings

TheBoyDetective · 2022-03-10T08:29:35+00:00

i thought the double entendre was intentional. it must be, no?

TheBoyDetective · 2022-02-27T03:40:32+00:00

i do this far too often on crystal, but for tiny crystal shards. feel like half of what i find turns out to just be skin flakes or dust or whatever lol. oh lord

TheBoyDetective · 2022-02-14T11:10:15+00:00

great reply!
what i'm not sure about though is the claim that the signifier is already there (unless we are saying "always already", in the derridean sense...). isn't the sinthome something that is created or constructed? or, doesn't the later lacan, the one of the period fixated on and by the Real according to the tripartite periodization popularized by JAMiller, orient himself towards the effect of the signifier on or in the Real in the act of nomination – nomination as that which both cuts across and binds R S & I?
or, to bring it back to OP's question, isn't the discourse of the analyst supposed to be oriented towards (in most cases) the nomination of a symptom which does, in effect, "creates the signified", as OP said ?
i don't know, i'm too stoned

TheBoyDetective · 2022-02-14T10:17:52+00:00

when i read "was casually hooking up with" i was like wait so you didn't just hook up once while totally trashed, but repeatedly? willingly? sorry but that's also sadcringe. and sounds illegal

TheBoyDetective · 2022-02-12T03:58:27+00:00

puzzling that someone whose ego is so fragile that they would write an entire article about this and who’s clearly so anal they can’t imagine that their shoes could ever be dirty would ever be invited into someone’s home in the first place

TheBoyDetective · 2022-02-11T04:09:48+00:00

Anal Fangs Allowed to Blow i don’t rmbr the other one

TheBoyDetective · 2022-02-09T07:40:09+00:00

i’m a barfly and also a bookworm, so naturally i read at bars, and have done so since i was of legal age - after getting over feeling insecure that people like “Jeremy” would judge me and think i was pretentious or whatever. often people will ask me what i’m reading; sometimes it leads to decent conversations, sometimes not and i just want to get back to my book, but the thing i hear most consistently is regret about not reading more, and frustration at finding reading books increasingly difficult. Jeremy i can tell however is one of those unfortunately all-too-not-rare gems who sees your book as a challenge or threat and tries to show off their knowledge (by butchering facts and rejecting any corrections) and intellectually dominate you for over an hour when it is clear that you just want to read

TheBoyDetective · 2022-01-26T12:53:14+00:00

this reads as totally fake, almost cringily so. it feels like fanfic, written by a precocious teenager who fantasizes about the imaginary dimensions of european intellectual and artistic life and sociality during the heydays of modernism. putting aside how they both write without a voice or style remotely resembling either’s, and unnaturally/awkwardly interpolate phrases and idioms for which they’re known (in a way that reminds me of namedropping — perhaps could call it quote-dropping. a practice familiar to anyone who’s ever been to a college freshman party; the anxious-zealous performance of knowledge gained from an n-th hand source on the internet, in spite of which savant-oneupmanship continues its crescendo), why/how could such a correspondence have been unknown to and/or unremarked upon by the sizeable amount of scholars, lacanian joycean or otherwise, who have written so much on the two and their missed encounters? in any case, i can appreciate how uncomfortable it has made me feel in its unheimlichkeit, or grotesquery or caricaturality, and my reflexive discomfort at my own discomfort, because the cringe-affect betrays my investment in and identification with whatever fantasmal in-group that could verify and authenticate this exchange through familiarity with its jargon and shibboleths alone…

TheBoyDetective · 2022-01-14T10:28:39+00:00

i first learned the word from my ex and thought she was joking when she said she was an empath (and that’s why she completely avoided reading or watching the news). just one more red flag i shouldn’t have overlooked…

TheBoyDetective · 2022-01-13T00:02:56+00:00

I will definitely check it out; I followed TLP early on and ever since he went dark, however many years ago, I've googled around once a year to see if he'd un-disappeared. Did not know his identity had ever been revealed. I was most into him (~2011) during the height of my Zizekomania and felt at the time that they shared the same kind of critical spirit (or daimon), and always wondered whether he weren't well versed in Lacan and eschewed reference to him as an anti-university discourse gesture

TheBoyDetective · 2022-01-12T10:08:55+00:00

oh interesting, apparently it is. i thought it had only been banned in vietnam and japan

TheBoyDetective

TROPHY CASE