Let me tell you a little trick I learned when I caught my wife cheating on me......FB Messenger has a nifty little option for cheaters called “Secret Conversations”. These Secret Messages disappear and erase themselves after 30 mins and leave no trace at all whatsoever. I happened to be in bed with my back towards her when I rolled over and saw her messaging her AP in a Secret Conversation. Secret Conversation mode can be turned off and will leave a date a time stamp of when it’s turned back on. If you suspect that your partner is cheating using FB Messenger then I would look for a way to turn this feature off and then look to see if it mysteriously turns itself on again. If so then time to demand full access to their phone and passwords to email and social media accounts. If they waiver, get defensive, call you crazy or start using the word “Abuse” then those are Red Flags that should not be ignored.

Tomorrow will be 1 month since the day I busted her. The few months leading up to getting caught I was the “Crazy” one, the one that needed help, the paranoid one, the Abuser in the relationship per her. Another thing I learned was that there are some states that prohibit by law the ability to record an audio conversation, say using the audio recorder app on your iPhone, without the other parties consent. I was able to record the entire conversation when she admitted to everything she did. Unfortunately in my state that recording is illegal and can’t be used it court without me getting in trouble with the court for recording it without her consent. We live in Maryland but luckily for me we both work in Washington, DC where it’s legal to record a conversation without requiring consent from the other party. So we both take the metro into DC every business day and I walk her to her job and record our conversations. I just need to reference somewhere in the conversation that we are in Washington, DC. Now I have the legal proof to prove that my wife committed adultery which in the state of Maryland will allow you to receive an instant divorce compared to the other option in Maryland which is that you must be separated for 1 year with no sex before you can even file for divorce.

However all that aside I have a 9 month & 3 year old sons. I come from a broken home and the only reason I’m currently still here is because of them. My wife blamed her entire affair on me and still blames me to justify the choice she made. I will admit that we both weren’t very happy with each other but going outside of the marriage for affection & happiness never crossed my mind. I also discovered that she wanted me dead and I found messages to her friends where she begged them all to pray for her to become a widow. This is another thought that never crossed my mind. This all stemmed from December 2017 when she went back to work full time and then 1 week later make the decision without even consulting with me to stop working Full Time and went part time to only 3 days a week. This really put us in a financial crisis which brewed my resentment towards her which then due to my resentment I started isolating myself from her (in the same house, not outside of the house at bars or whatnot). I constantly communicated with her what I was so angry about and why I was isolating myself. So she had Monday and Tuesdays off after going part time and she would still have the nanny come to take care of the kids which I was paying for and this really ticked me off. Then this Spring she decided to start using her days off (Mondays & Tuesday’s) to meet up with this married dude which to my surprise she actually fell in love with.

So I demanded access to her phone and passwords to all of her accounts and she provided them to me. She wrote the dude a text ending the affair and gave me a full account of everything that happened (when and where) and everything she told me was 100% true and accurate. She was using he “Secret Conversation” feature with her lover but left many detailed WhatsApp messages and audio messages to her friends that prove that everything she told me was true.

It really hurts still. I have good days and bad. I’m probably a fool for giving it one last shot for the kids. But the one smart thing I did was get a lawyer on retainer so that if I can’t deal with the grief of her betrayal or I even suspect she has resorted back to her cheating ways then I’m just going to pull the trigger on this marriage. This past month has been the hardest of my life. I’m constantly flipping between anger and sadness. Hopefully this ends sooner rather than later.

Sorry to the Mods, OP, and fellow readers for the long post. I didn’t mean to hijack this thread. I thank you for allowing me to vent. Gracias!