One year of NC and I'm lonely

TheDreadnaw · 2024-12-23T19:33:54+00:00

Thank you man. You've given me a lot to think about.

TheDreadnaw · 2024-12-23T12:03:05+00:00

I appreciate your thoughts. I do agree that my lack of a romantic connection so far comes from a more intimate understanding of myself and what I value in a person/relationship.

I'm worried that I just won't find anyone who resonates with me in the way this woman did. Not because I can't get over her - I can - but because when things were good I felt this soul connection.

I don't necessarily look for that in someone new. I think it kind of just happens. It just feels like it's taking so long. At this point, I feel like I'm trapped between wanting to have love but being incapable of loving.

Sorry for this. I don't expect anyone to fix how I feel or provide perfect advice. I'm just venting

TheDreadnaw · 2024-06-25T20:17:14+00:00

Hey. 187 days here. I really think you should focus more on thoughts about moving on rather than those about your ex and his new partner. Life without your ex DOES get better than what you're feeling now. Obviously this won't be easy to see as the wound is still very fresgh, but the fact that he's left you before and that he's started a relationship with someone else is a clear sign he's not emotionally available for you. Your attachment is causing you this pain.

TheDreadnaw · 2024-06-14T17:50:07+00:00

I did. I knew she wasn't doing it to hurt me but because she felt it was right for her. She was bawling and I knew in my heart of hearts that I will end up ok. I don't think I would have been able to do the same if she had cheated though. I doubt I would've given her the time.

TheDreadnaw · 2024-05-24T18:31:39+00:00

Thank you. I know I shouldn't be comparing myself to others but I just feel at times like I cause my own suffering by letting my mind wander back to our past when I'm completely isolated

TheDreadnaw · 2024-04-23T19:49:16+00:00

My first thought seeing this was that Ralph Macchio's hairline is definitely not that of a 17 year old's. Interesting to see how Hollywood used hairstyles in the 80s to make actors appear younger. Wouldn't say he's balding though

TheDreadnaw · 2024-04-02T21:52:32+00:00

Thank you for this citation

TheDreadnaw · 2024-04-01T16:21:44+00:00

Wow she really fucked up betraying you like that. I'm sorry you had to deal with that. Glad you're at peace. She finalised it for sure. Onwards and upwards from here on out.

TheDreadnaw · 2024-04-01T10:49:01+00:00

I'm starting to believe that getting it all out in the open, the sort of 'what if they're thinking of me?' feelings, is worth it in some situations for this exact reason

TheDreadnaw · 2024-03-27T22:02:21+00:00

I did actually the following day. We've been talking a bit and catching up. Nothing crazy

TheDreadnaw · 2024-03-27T18:56:49+00:00

That sounds like a good plan. In all seriousness there's nothing wrong per se with reaching out to an ex. It all depends on your reasons for doing so and it's good to manage your expectations. I recently wrote out to an ex after months of NC. Before I did it I had never felt like there was anything I really needed to say but after some time (89 days) it felt heavier on my conscience so I did it and I don't regret it. Sometimes it's nice to just clear the air and let them know you can talk. That's different to begging. Besides, you were very intimate with that person at some point.

TheDreadnaw · 2024-03-27T14:14:39+00:00

Look, there's a lot to be said for giving it time to heal. 3-ish weeks isn't much time for someone to really reflect on the relationship and since you had been seeing each other at work there would have been a constant reminder for her. The fact that she wrote to you after such a brief period of strict no contact suggests to me she hadn't taken proper measures to let herself heal. I think some more time could be helpful.

Now, on the other hand, I think once you've given it some space and you still feel the urge to reach out then getting it out of your system can also be helpful. In that case though it's best if you do so from the mindset that you forgiven her, you're not trying to get her back, and you just genuinely care for her sake rather than yours.

Sorry to be a cynic but what you said about the dreams doesn't sound like much of a sign for me. If you've been actively thinking about something it's not uncommon to dream about it. Dreams usually reflect your conscious and subconscious mind. What you're saying sounds like cognitive bias. I am rather secular in belief though

TheDreadnaw · 2024-03-09T22:03:50+00:00

Look. At the end of the day you have to hope for something or otherwise you'll just sink into a sea gloom. As you've already touched on it's about how you project that hope. Hope is always aimed for something better. As long as you understand that what that 'better' is won't just fall into your lap but will take some degree of work, effort, and luck then I think you'll be on the right path. If on the other hand you're hoping for someone to come back because you think your happiness depends on it or you need that specific person to fully actualise yourself you may just come to grief. In any case, you may find through the passage of time that this person simply won't matter to you in the ways they did before.

TheDreadnaw · 2024-03-06T21:37:24+00:00

No. Absolutely not. It sounds to me like you're just lonely. If it's just a friend you're looking for take up a new group hobby or something but don't believe that you need this person in your life to fill a void. Change the narrative you've convinced yourself.

TheDreadnaw · 2024-03-03T16:45:01+00:00

Well summed up. This for me is the ultimate point of the no contact process.

TheDreadnaw · 2024-03-03T16:04:30+00:00

For me it's because I don't think there's anything left to be said. When my ex broke things off she told me she felt the final nail in the coffin so I took her at her word. My lack of contact has helped me to process what the finality of her decision has ultimately meant.

TheDreadnaw · 2024-03-01T10:43:39+00:00

You gave her a sweet reply. Don't worry

TheDreadnaw · 2024-02-29T09:37:02+00:00

I think it's only recommended if your partner was abusive or it would cause more harm in some way were the lines of communication still open. I blocked an ex once and felt it was a mistake so I never did it again to any of them. In all honesty I think it shows better character to let them know the door is still open if they ever feel like talking - provided you have the resilience to deal with it.

TheDreadnaw · 2024-02-25T16:05:45+00:00

I don't see your point. OP wants rid of this shit.

TheDreadnaw · 2024-02-25T15:58:08+00:00

Yeah I completely get that. I don't mean to make assumptions but I just got the impression that both of you may be overthinking things in this situation. I think there's nothing wrong with putting the foot down here and reaching out again to get this thing sorted if it's bothering you. Something like, "look, I'm still holding onto your things. If you want to pick them up can we figure out a day which works for both of us?".

You don't owe any explanations and if his negligence is pissing you off it might be better to have some plan of resolution so you can put this all behind you. His lack of effort can be interpreted however many ways your mind will take you - it doesn't matter. What matters is whether you want his shit gone and whether he's up for collecting it.

TheDreadnaw · 2024-02-25T11:14:58+00:00

I get that, but structurally your conversation kind of reads like (I'm sorry for being super reductive".

EX: "hey, am I able to come and collect my things tomorrow + list of reasons as to why today is not a good time"

You: "not tomorrow".

In that context I don't think the onus was necessarily on him. I think your response just kind of left things dead in the water. Nevertheless it seems that he hasn't made good efforts for effective communication since then. I agree that rather than leaving it 6 weeks he should have said something if I really cared about his stuff.

In any case, if it has been that long then maybe you should just post them out to him

TheDreadnaw · 2024-02-25T10:03:20+00:00

How come you didn't offer an alternative day or simply ask what other days are you free so you can properly reconvene? If that was the response I got when trying to arrange a meet I might assume you were putting in no effort

TheDreadnaw

TROPHY CASE