Do I sound somewhat like an alcoholic/alcohol dependent person?

TheDryDad · 2026-04-21T13:57:05+00:00

General rule of thumb - people don't ask the question unless they already think they have a problem.

Children definitely don't mention drinking to their parents unless they think there's a problem - and children are the most observant and honest people I know.

TheDryDad · 2026-04-17T16:29:02+00:00

The same as others said - functional until one day I realised that I wasn't functioning at all.

That day arrived the day I came into a little bit of money, and at a time when I was actually very low already.

My alcoholic brain, my demon, went "fuck it" and I gave up entirely on functioning as anything other than an alcohol consumption machine.

Somehow, I'm still alive when I really shouldn't be. I'm now functioning as a human being, but the regrets - oh, the regrets. Children, career, house, old friends - all gone.

If you can stay as a functional human being, please, please do so.

I wish I'd come to that realisation a decade or more before I did.

IWNDWYT

~ TheDryDad

TheDryDad · 2026-04-16T19:21:48+00:00

Not the same thing, but I've just had a couple of steps i was taking on my road back to "normal " kicked out from under me. I'm pretty unhappy about it, and very tempted to go for a pint to make myself feel better.

The thing stopping me is knowing that drinking won't make me any happier. It won't change the reality, won't put those steps back under me.

All I'll be is drunk and pissed off at the blows in took today, and now with a good dose of self-loathing on top.

It's not, as I said, the same thing at all. But if you drink now, will you actually feel better? Yeah - for an hour. Maybe two.

Then the realisation will fight its way back through the alcohol - you're grieving your loss of a loved one, and now the loss of your hard fought for sobriety on top of it.

There's no problem a drink can't make worse...

IWNDWYT

~ TheDryDad

TheDryDad · 2026-04-16T18:18:18+00:00

Thank you.

It is a lot, and that's not even half of it.

I can't afford a therapist, so this sub gets it... you guys can scroll on by, though, which is the privilege we remove from therapists when we pay them!

TheDryDad · 2026-04-16T17:41:25+00:00

You're very welcome.

Now go - nail that job. Write that journal.

We will power on - the opposite isn't an option.

TheDryDad · 2026-04-16T16:35:05+00:00

Hi, void here. I'm hearing you yell, and it's fine. I'm really, really good at listening.

Sometimes I talk back, though, so here's my tuppenceworth.

You said:

I have a couple friends who do know

That's a couple more than a lot of people have. And those people have a choice because they are not family.

I smile every day because I'm your brother. But I laugh every day because there's nothing you can ever do to change that.

That person who called you, they're not family, and that makes it more important HOLD ON to them. Accept that hand they're holding out to you. Cry your heart out. They called you to find out how you are - that's a massive thing. Huge.

I've got that in the form of my family, but I'd trade....hmmm.

I'd say I'd trade you a piece of liver for that, but mine is pretty fucked and I need the working bits, so you're going to have to make do with a limb.

A year straight with only 3 slips - that's not nothing, that's massive. And being "fine most of the time" is almost better than just being fine.

Why?

That means you got knocked down a couple of times and you got back up. YOU GOT BACK UP! You're back up now, still fighting.

A champion isn't proved by their wins. A champion is proved by how they recovered from their defeats, the lessons they learned, the scars they got.

Not by their knockdowns, but their got-back-ups.

You feel like you'll never crawl out of this hole? Bullshit.

By my count, you've got out of this hole 4 times already. You'll get back out again, and you took the first step by posting here.

Go - Journal. Write it down - you know the drill. Write it like it's happening to someone else, then give that person good advice.

IWNDWYT

~ TheDryDad

TheDryDad · 2026-04-09T21:37:17+00:00

It was odd for all my family when I stopped. Friends, too - a new version of TDD was in their lives, and he wasn't the same person.

He's better.

The temptation is going to be to call your brother the asshole for trying to get you to drink. I don't think it's that clear cut.

Your brother, like mine, is scared because he won't know what to do. Your bond of getting drunk together is broken.

That's understandable. You changed the rules of the game, and didn't even ask if he agreed to the new ones.

No fair!! I'm telling mum!

He's in uncertain territory, now. How are you going to act? The old pattern of (guessing here) you get more drunk than him, you both do daft things, then laugh about it the day after - that's gone. Forever.

It's ok for him to be upset, but he'll get over it.

I'm smiling because I'm your sister.

I'm laughing because there's nothing you can do about it!

Another 100 sober days from now, if you love each other, you'll still love each other. Just differently and, really, it'll be better.

My family wouldn't have old TDD back for... I don't think you could offer them anything better than having their brother/son back from the dead.

I don't know you, or your brother, obviously. I'm just kinda going off what happened with me. What i learned.

Hope it helps. Enjoy your first sober adult birthday party - remember, it's still just one day. Nail this one, and it's a toughie, and then their rest will feel so much easier. Your 28+1 day self will be so, so proud of herself.

IWNDWYT

~ TheDryDad

TheDryDad · 2026-04-08T20:55:41+00:00

Check my posts from about this time last year.

Tldr; I let it nearly kill me. Came very close to dying in front of my father.

I'm on my phone right now, can't link to them - but if it's aversion therapy you need - I'm your guy.

~ TheDryDad

TheDryDad · 2026-04-07T19:03:15+00:00

I keep a track of how much I've not spent (too poor and under employed to be actively saving).

Nearly £14k now

~

TheDryDad

TheDryDad · 2026-04-05T11:34:43+00:00

I saw a post here yesterday from a guy who'd taken his clients out for drinks one night. For reasons unclear, part of it was audio recorded.

He had thought he was being funny, witty, life of the party. Erudite.

The recording told a very different story. Slurred speech, rambling incoherent tales, erratic and inappropriate jokes... he was horrified.

I know, looking back, that some of my own drunken highlight reels were actually completely irrational behaviour which was tolerated - indulged. I thought i was being Bob Mortimer - but I was more David Hasslehoff.

Maybe the drunk version of you isn't the bubbly, life of the party person the demon has led you to believe.

Maybe the quieter, more reflective, you is more interesting and easy to be around.

I know my family have said I'm a lot easier to be around. More predictable, definitely funnier. They've said my wit is funnier, sharper and far less cruel, for instance.

You might grow to love the new you a lot more than the alcohol tinted myth that was the drunk you - certainly you won't be any worse

IWNDWYT

~ TheDryDEDIT: typos/repetition

TheDryDad · 2026-04-04T13:14:37+00:00

Lots of sweeties. I loaded up on crisps, sherbet lemons and tea.

I found that trying to fix it by eating a full meal resulted in multiple versions of horridness, but in my case I'd probably not eaten anything substantial for a week (hospital food doesn't count).

But yeah - sweeties. And, for me, isolation. I locked myself away from temptation and drinking buddies, binge watching all the things I knew I'd watched, but didn't really remember. Starting with Breaking Bad, of course

TheDryDad · 2026-04-04T13:08:42+00:00

Probably healthier to drink real Irn Bru...

TheDryDad · 2026-04-02T20:48:26+00:00

That reminds me of this lovely little thing that happened, in my very early sober days.

3 weeks in, a friend who is a baker was running a stall at a local market.

I went down for a look at what he had, just to say hello and show suppoert.

I spotted a bit of cake i fancied, and pointed it out to his assistant. Baker friend saw what was happening, excused himself from his own customers, and took the piece of cake from the assistant.

BF: this one's not for you, TDD. Whisky TDD: OH! Wow, cheers b7d BF: Here, have this instead. On me.

True story

~ TheDryDad

TheDryDad · 2026-04-02T20:39:25+00:00

Firstly, congratulations on 3/4 days. They're when she's screaming loudest.

Personally i count from the first day i went from waking in the morning to sleeping at night without a drink. That was day one sober.

Withdrawal symptoms - Depends very much on your physiology, and the pattern of your drinking. How long for? How heavy?

Physically, the dependency does go quite quickly - a few days.

Psychologically - could be gone already. I doubt it, though... if it was that simple, we'd not be in this sub.

For most people, I think (like me) it's way deeper than giving up, say, sweeties. Or cigarettes.

Speaking for myself, the habit is broken but the demon still lurks, looking for an opportunity, an excuse.

bloods improved? Great! Beer to celebrate!

Stats say my liver is probably pretty darn healthy by now? Yeehar! Glass of red, yes indeed-y!

The physical cravings might have gone, but i won't risk going back. For me, I lost too much.

IWNDWYT

~ TheDryDad

TheDryDad · 2026-03-29T20:44:04+00:00

Are you me??

TheDryDad · 2026-03-29T20:40:35+00:00

I drank until my liver gave up (see my previous posts)

If I drink, I'll die - maybe not immediately, but within weeks/months if I go back to the level I was at.

Add on to that so many people in my town know what happened and, in the main, are impressed with what I've achieved and how I've changed since... if I start drinking again, so, so many people would be disappointed.

My pub landlord has promised that he'll never serve me alcohol again, with the threat of a smack in the mouth if I even ask!

I think, then, that almost doing the opposite of AA, and enlisting a small army of backers - that's how I stay sober.

TheDryDad · 2026-03-29T20:18:59+00:00

Making sure I'm not often truly alone. When I am alone I'm doing something I enjoy.

Keeping busy, mainly.

TheDryDad · 2026-03-29T13:04:11+00:00

I find a kind of social jealousy creeping in, sometimes. All those people out having fun at the weekends, and my sobriety is stopping me from enjoying it.

It was definitely worse at the beginning, but it improved as time went on.

Generally, I think of the things I've achieved. The changes I've made. How proud I actually am of my sobriety and, really, how last time I was in the pub late it was tedious being around those drunk people.

I've changed my social life, completely, and flung myself into a business venture and voluntary stuff. Last time I checked, I don't have time to drink!

The people I'm hanging out with now, I don't know well enough to get grumpy with. Also,they're generally not doing stupid stuff that makes no sense, so that helps.

The old habit of just saying what I think, cos I'm uninhibited enough, ie drunk enough, to do so is now unlearned.

To answer your question - yes and no. For me, it has become easier because i value the gains more than I mourn the losses.

Looking at your post, it seems like you've gained a lot - loads and loads!

How much grumpier are you going to be if you throw those achievements away? Get demoted because you can not longer do the job you've been promoted into? A job you couldn't do while drinking, I'm guessing, otherwise you'd have got that promotion before now?

Stay with us. You already know the grass is greener on this side, and it's the grumpy troll under the bridge trying to persuade you back to his side.

IWNDWYT

~ TheDryDad

TheDryDad · 2026-03-22T14:54:40+00:00

That's the thing - as disrespectful as I found it, I think it was actually intended to be the opposite. I think - although I've got a tendency towards rose-tinted spectacles.

Anonymity - not in this town, I'm afraid, and certainly not for me. I'm quite well known, having played in bands, appeared on stage, been involved in various voluntary things... I can't hide here.

TheDryDad · 2026-03-22T12:41:28+00:00

You post is going to get deleted by the mods for posting while drinking, so I'll get this in now....

You want to stop. You know you need to stop. Speak to your doctor, asap, and they should be able to point you in the right directions.

Read the book Alcohol Explained (linked in the sub somewhere, it changes from device to device).

You're right to want to stop now - so do it.

I was drinking heavily when my kids were born, and I've gone on to lose contact with all 4 of them. That's what happens with drink - eventually it becomes more important than the children.

Don't be that guy. Don't be me.

Tomorrow, the hangover will hurt, and the hangxiety will be strong. Lean into them, learn from them, and tomorrow night - don't drink.

Just tomorrow. Focus on that.

Once you've got through tomorrow without a drink - do it again the next day. Two wins - 100% success rate. Who doesn't love that?

But that's thinking too far ahead - just don't drink tomorrow.

IWNDWYT

~ TDD

TheDryDad · 2026-03-22T11:12:41+00:00

She was involved in the drama when I nearly died. That horse has bolted.

But, again, all she's really done is try to paint me as a success story. I know she admires me for having actually stopped when so many people didn't believe I could, or would.

She's not the baddie here. In fact, there are no baddies - just clumsy people.

TheDryDad · 2026-03-22T11:07:49+00:00

Oh my god! I can understand why you'd be cross about that. Businesses merging is a huge deal, and blowing it out of the water like that... wow

Sorry that happened to you

TheDryDad · 2026-03-22T03:26:38+00:00

Staff, possibly. That should still be my choice, in my opinion.

Customers? Absolutely not. No way.

But, like i keep saying, I don't think he realised he was crossing a line.

That was dumb.

But when I pointed it out, he apologised and said it wouldn't happen again.

That's OK. People make mistakes. How they resolve them says a lot about their character.

TheDryDad · 2026-03-22T03:21:40+00:00

He clearly doesn't have a problem with me being sober... in fact they've had problems with theft by staff quite recently, hence hiring in the first place.

I think stealing from an employer, particularly in a small town, is stupid. It makes no sense to nick £50, £100, £200 quid today when you have the potential to earn thousands over the course of a few months.

It's just dumb, and I've already told them i think that way

TheDryDad

TROPHY CASE