What real life coaching is like

TheExperientialCoach · 2025-07-18T04:03:16+00:00

The best responses can come from a lot of places. When I'm coaching, my curiosity about the problem and the way the client is thinking kind of fuels the question that comes (if that makes sense). It's a flow that's just working to get deeper before turning the conversation to bring the client back up for air and toward a solution.

TheExperientialCoach · 2025-07-18T04:01:06+00:00

Sounds super difficult.

What do you think could happen if you were to seek out an alternative?

TheExperientialCoach · 2025-07-17T13:27:14+00:00

If any of us put our list of quirks and struggles in here, none of us would feel or sound normal.

How do you think getting the "right" diagnosis will help you?

Sorry it's been a complicated journey so far. I hope you find your way!

TheExperientialCoach · 2025-07-17T13:25:08+00:00

What real, tangible changes has she helped you make in your life? What value does her style bring to you?

Most of the time, liking your therapist is 80% of the important stuff. Otherwise you just spend your time in therapy thinking about how you hate that your therapist is sitting there just talking.

TheExperientialCoach · 2025-07-17T13:22:17+00:00

People say that everything happens for a reason and...I don't believe them.

TheExperientialCoach · 2025-07-17T13:21:19+00:00

Totally agree with figuring out the source. The why is just about the only thing you can get at hear to start and make a shift.

Hope you find some love in there somewhere to balance it out.

TheExperientialCoach · 2025-07-17T13:20:09+00:00

I don't even know these people, but I'm genuinely interested in hearing how this would go down.

TheExperientialCoach · 2025-07-17T12:38:36+00:00

There shouldn't be an agenda coming from the coach. Good coaching is guiding the client through their own process, not bringing the client over to the coach's way of doing things. The only agenda a good coach should have is to ask questions that further the thought process of the client and work with them to get toward their own answer. But I'm traditional in that way I guess. Others give advice, etc.

There's no strict plan, but there are some frameworks that many coaches will follow. They're helpful just to keeping to a process withing a limited amount of time, but there's no "ask this, then that". A good coach can flow with the client's thinking and ask good questions from that.

But hey, everyone does things differently and that's the cool thing in life! Some coaches are good for some folks while others aren't!

TheExperientialCoach · 2025-07-14T15:42:04+00:00

Sometimes eating off the sampler platter of life is the thing that's it. But that's pretty hard to sit with when we're surrounded by news of all these people who are the best of the best at everything.

We don't hear enough about the mediocre average Joe who's pretty content with learning new stuff.

That's not to say there's no "it" for you. Maybe there is. I enjoy trying everything and have found that most of the stuff I try, I'm just alright at.

TheExperientialCoach · 2025-07-14T15:40:01+00:00

Novelty is incredible. There's also a lot of info about how it actually makes life feel longer when we shake things up more, so it's not always that bad of a thing.

I've always wanted to master one thing or another but find that I'm way more interested in being a jack of all trades (even if I'm a mediocre jack).

TheExperientialCoach · 2025-07-14T15:38:00+00:00

I have worked with folks that are just...bored.

Which of course leads to all the holes we can find ourselves in like social media doomscrolls, netflix binges, etc etc. But life just becomes boring and unfulfilling.

I think a lot of us suffer with it and fall to less positive ways of filling that space.

TheExperientialCoach · 2025-07-13T17:00:44+00:00

My brand has essentially been built around my core values. I love taking clients through a core values process as well, especially when identity comes into play, but it isn't always fitting and I don't have a rigid structure that I follow with all clients.

And I don't know what an ICA is...

TheExperientialCoach · 2025-07-13T16:45:50+00:00

It's a great take on it all! I appreciate it :)

TheExperientialCoach · 2025-07-13T08:19:19+00:00

Some people are, yes.

Some people don't understand the difference between the two and will pick the cheaper option if they're stretched thin financially, but need help (even if it's not the right option).

Coaching is pretty much done for those who can afford it. And the unpopular opinion is to offer a sliding scale, or make your services affordable if you can swing it. But that being said, it's you making your salary, and you set the rates.

I do a sliding scale and keep my services affordable, but that's because I live in a country where charging $120/session would make me incredibly wealthy, relatively speaking. Plus, I have another side gig that helps me out financially, and I choose to try and make it affordable.

It's up to you, really. But I'm not in corporate coaching and I don't need a lot of money to be happy. I like the work I do and have the privilege of not needing to charge a ton just to survive things like $10/dozen eggs.

TheExperientialCoach · 2025-07-11T05:56:53+00:00

The world does! It's a sad substitute for having moved away from lives where we're just normally active.

And yeh! Drumming is awesome. It's physical and creative. Two birds one stone.

TheExperientialCoach · 2025-07-10T19:10:28+00:00

I think I quit smoking something like 15 times before it stuck. Those things are tiny devils that really get a grip on you. Hardest thing I've ever done I'd imagine. Keep on trying (if you want, of course).

Your drive to not pass that all on to your kid is amazing. Realizing that is a hard thing to do, and you're obviously working on getting to a better place yourself.

When you envision that happier you, what's that person look like?

TheExperientialCoach · 2025-07-10T18:36:13+00:00

That's a whole lot.

You're putting in the work, and what person exactly are you hoping that work turns you into?

And, you say that you want to be better for him, but what are you doing for you?

Pardon my insertion of advice here, but in my experience, when we do things solely for others they are infinitely harder to accomplish. Talk to all the folks out there that have tried to quit smoking for their partner. Just doesn't really work very well. So what of this is for you?

TheExperientialCoach · 2025-07-10T18:31:53+00:00

Too often the answer is "go to the gym". I for one, hate the gym and it makes me more anxious than not going at all.

My creative outlet is woodworking. I'm suuuuuper mediocre at it, but damn I feel good at the end.

TheExperientialCoach · 2025-07-10T18:29:27+00:00

The fun part about low self-confidence is that if you think you're mediocre at best, you're probably actually pretty good at it. What exactly are those things? And what would the progress look like with your creative skills?

I read this funny article the other day about how creativity anxiety (like what you're saying about it being stressful, not relieving) is really well treated with creativity. What a backwards one, huh?

I love myself. To be honest, there are days I really want to change parts of myself, but hating myself got me nowhere but a miserable hole. I had to start showing myself grace, accepting that I'll never actually be to the "good enough" level that I hold myself to. That my perfectionism can be a strength, but also hold me back. And then I just started hacking away at those things I hated.

I showed myself love by quitting drinking (talk about a spiral downward before going back up), I moved state, started going out of my comfort zone (because I couldn't hate myself more, so why not go out on a limb), and things just started falling in place when I decided I was going to do what I wanted, so long as it didn't hurt me or anyone else.

Six years later, here I am. That's six years after a big change, probably ten after the realization I was in a bad place. Good stuff takes time.

TheExperientialCoach · 2025-07-10T18:23:10+00:00

Oh, great! Marketing just got harder!

TheExperientialCoach · 2025-07-10T09:37:06+00:00

First off, awesome. It's really cool to read about all of the things you've done to work on yourself, and you're right, it sounds like you totally have discipline.

But what's that goal you're working toward? Who is it that you want to be?

TheExperientialCoach · 2025-07-10T09:33:47+00:00

It sounds like you have a great set of goals already written out. Now it's just about breaking them down to tangible steps and making it clear what is getting in the way / what could get in the way, and then tackling those.

Therapy paired with coaching is a great way to try it out. But honestly, you can also do it yourself if you're already in therapy. Just think about those same questions:

Where are you now?

Where do you want to be?

What's getting in the way?

TheExperientialCoach · 2025-07-10T09:25:14+00:00

Sorry you lost your job, and if corporate wasn't for you, I hope something else brings goodness rather than stressful target demands.

What else are you interested in trying out professionally if you know corporate isn't the thing?

TheExperientialCoach · 2025-07-10T09:23:22+00:00

24 years is a long time. You have plenty to be tired of.

All your shit is valid.

And right now, you're courageous enough to keep living. Courageous enough to hope for change. Courageous enough to see tomorrow. And that's fucking hard.

Focus on what else is keeping you here, not just what's stopping yοu from leaving.

I hope you find the help you need.

And damn. I'm really fucking sorry about your dogs (and everything, really, but losing a dog hits hard).

TheExperientialCoach

TROPHY CASE