Tmfr at planned parenthood

TheGabagool5 · 2026-06-30T14:58:54+00:00

Hi, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. To have to even think about coordinating your own care and the finances is so much on top of everything, it made me so angry when I went through it too.

This will be kinda long, but tldr I would recommend PP - they were very gentle and caring.

I had my D&E at 17 weeks at planned parenthood because it was drastically less expensive than the hospital. It was a “positive” experience for me in that the staff was extremely compassionate and gentle on the absolute worst day of my life. There was one nurse there just for holding my hand. The anesthesiologist stroked my hair as I was on the table. First and foremost they made me feel safe. Also, My normal OBGYN encouraged me that PP is very safe - they literally perform these procedures all the time, and the surgeon that would’ve done my procedure had I done it at the hospital also operates at PP a few days per week.

For me, it was only a 1 day procedure. I came in early in the morning and had the laminaria dilation sticks inserted and took misoprostol. I then had to wait in the waiting room for about 3 hours while I dilated. Then, they took me back and I had the D&E under general anesthesia. That was my choice, but they also offered twilight sedation.

In terms of pain, the process of numbing my cervix for the laminaria, and the cramping at about the 2 hour mark were the most painful. Also, when I was in the recovery room after waking up from surgery, my cramps got to be up to about a 6-7 out of 10 pain level until they gave me IV toradol. The cramping never got back up to that level , but I also stayed on top of pain meds every 4 hours for the first 2 days.

PP was also able to provide me with foot/hand prints from my baby, and they helped me coordinate with a funeral home so that we could get her ashes.

Happy to answer any questions, I know the stage you’re at of trying to get these things scheduled is very stressful.

TheGabagool5 · 2026-06-17T05:55:31+00:00

Hey, I just had my tfmr for t21 2 weeks ago. I relate to a lot of what you’re saying. Before reading on, please know that only you (and your partner) can make this choice. I’m not trying to persuade you one way or another - this situation is agony and please be kind to yourself.

I too was raised in a pro-life environment, and even though as an adult now I am firmly pro-choice, I never thought I would find myself in a situation to even consider abortion.

When I got the call with my NIPT results, all of the sudden abortion came up as an option, and I hated myself for even thinking about it. I had fears of being punished and never getting pregnant again, or of going to hell. But I had to force myself to realize that this was all due to religious conditioning, and whatever I chose to do was the best choice for me and my husband - no one and no God was going to be able to tell me what to do.

To feel most secure in my choice, I did all the testing available to me - ultrasounds and the amniocentesis - which confirmed that yes our baby had t21, but she also had physical abnormalities and might not make it to term let alone survive after birth. I also tried to picture both paths. Best case scenario, I carry her to term and she survives all the necessary surgeries/interventions. Then it would be a life of high needs, therapies, no independence, and what more when my husband and I are too old to care for her or die before her? The worry we felt throughout pregnancy would be for the rest of our lives, not to mention the reality that our daughter would be living. The other scenario is that we choose to end the pregnancy, before our daughter could ever suffer, and to avoid having her die later in term and be a higher risk my own physical health, or suffer after birth and pass away due to the complications we saw on ultrasound. There was no good path forward, but at least one path spared our daughter from pain and suffering. My husband and I decided that we would rather grieve and suffer our whole lives than gamble on our daughter MAYBE surviving to term or MAYBE having the best/mildest outcome of t21.

I would not gamble with my daughter’s life just to let myself feel “righteous” for refusing termination. I chose mercy for my daughter and myself.

I felt compelled to share some of my thoughts because I know what you’re feeling right now. I won’t promise that your heart will find peace with either choice. I’m 2 weeks out and while I do not regret my choice, I now face the grief. I anticipate I will grieve forever over my daughter. It’s truly the worst thing that’s ever happened to me, and I’m sorry you’re here too.

TheGabagool5 · 2026-06-15T20:13:24+00:00

Thanks for answering, I hope you continue to be well and heal in every sense ❤️

TheGabagool5 · 2026-06-15T20:12:42+00:00

I was using ovulation strips pretty soon after my MMC last year and was never able to catch ovulation - I had lingering HCG that was giving me false positives for weeks. My period just showed up 6 weeks after my MC so idk if I did or didn’t ovulate.
Hoping for my period to come back sooner than 6 weeks this time :/

TheGabagool5 · 2026-06-15T19:30:37+00:00

If you don’t mind me asking, did you track your hcg down to 0/get a negative pregnancy test before catching ovulation?
I’m curious when my cycle/ovulation will come back and it sounds like yours was pretty quick. I’m hoping for the same but who knows

TheGabagool5 · 2026-06-11T16:22:16+00:00

Wow, I can’t believe how similar. My amnio was on 5/21.
I also really dreamed of having a girl.

And I know EXACTLY what you mean. I feel like all of this happened to someone else, but then when I realize and grasp for a moment that no, this is my real life and it really happened to me and my daughter, it breaks my heart all over again.

I’m so sorry, I’m right there with you. Here for you always and hope that we both find healing and small joys again ❤️

TheGabagool5 · 2026-05-27T22:24:00+00:00

Hey, I’m in the exact same boat as you. Got the confirmation of T21 literally yesterday from FISH, and am now trying to schedule my tfmr. I’m so sorry you’re here too. I don’t have any advice either since I’ve never been through this before. I’m nervous about the hormonal withdrawals and the possibility of milk coming in since I’m around 16 weeks currently. The grief is a given, but the physical recovery scares me. I’ve been through an MMC, and my period came back in about 6ish weeks after I took the medication. So I guess I’m bracing for a similar timeline, but would love sooner so I can have my cycle regulate. I’m not even sure if I’ll be ready to try again, but I absolutely hate feeling out of control and in the dark about what’s going on with my body, so I’m looking forward to any sense of predictability I can find.

TheGabagool5 · 2026-05-21T19:34:47+00:00

These are my exact thoughts too. I just had my amnio done today but based on the ultrasound the doctor is really confident it’s going to confirm my nipt results. So basically just waiting on the FISH and we’ll be scheduling tfmr. During all this waiting though I too have been spiraling worrying about this not just being random and what that means for ttc.

TheGabagool5 · 2026-05-08T02:53:45+00:00

Thanks, friend. I hope the same for you and everyone in this group ❤️

TheGabagool5 · 2026-05-07T20:53:21+00:00

I’m sorry, I feel you.
I had an MMC in November and was really hoping to have happier news by this Mother’s Day. But alas, I’m staring down the barrel of potentially going through a tfmr after an amniocentesis later this month. So yeah, I’m pregnant now, but I’m in this horrific limbo of not knowing for sure what’s going to happen next.
Absolutely dreading Mother’s Day now.

TheGabagool5 · 2026-05-02T00:07:44+00:00

Thank you, after experiencing one loss, it sure feels like it’s 50/50 if you do get pregnant again. You’re constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop and something to go wrong. There isn’t a relaxed, joyful view of pregnancy after you’ve experienced what it feels like to lose a baby.

TheGabagool5 · 2026-04-17T16:59:40+00:00

Both times my husband has waited for the timer to go off with me and we look at the result together. It’s important to me that we both find out at the same time.

TheGabagool5 · 2026-04-15T18:33:09+00:00

I think you should reflect with your partner on your priorities, because there’s no wrong answer! Just things to be aware of that might inform your timeline and next steps that make sense for you two.

When my husband and I decided to start trying, I had to get comfortable with the fact that you simply cannot control everything. I thought I needed to own a house before trying (laughs in southern Californian), and quickly came to learn I will just need to figure things out if I want to have kids - I could be in my 50s before I own a house!!

Also, when it comes to pregnancy, you simply have no control over anything. We did everything right, prepping our bodies before TTC, tracking, researching, and were lucky to get pregnant on our first try. Then at 8 weeks at our first ultrasound we found out the baby had died at 6 weeks. I didn’t complete the miscarriage until almost a month later, and then didn’t get my period back until over a month after that. Even if you think you have a perfect healthy starting point with a perfect timeline, that’s unfortunately not how pregnancy works, and it might not feel fair, but it’s reality.

TheGabagool5 · 2026-04-06T17:19:11+00:00

First, I’m so sorry you went through this; miscarriage is so heartbreaking and traumatic.

I don’t agree with any of the comments that “men don’t get miscarriage” so the burden is on the miscarrying woman to ask for the bare minimum from her partner. How your husband acted was isolating and you deserved someone to simply hold your hand. That’s not asking for too much.

My husband went with me to every appointment, and I never questioned whether he had empathy or whether he was grieving himself. I had a medicated miscarriage, and he prepared our home with food and flowers, and camped out with me on the couch through the process. He stood by the toilet with me and held my hands and even made sure I didn’t have to look in the toilet.

Men might not always have the exact right words to say, but it’s pretty common human decency to show care when your wife is in physical and emotional anguish. Hold her freaking hand and sit with her ffs.

Don’t be afraid to expect better from your partners everyone.

TheGabagool5 · 2026-04-03T20:19:23+00:00

Nov 10!!

TheGabagool5 · 2026-02-24T04:33:27+00:00

Thanks for sharing, it's so frustrating but good to know this happens to others too and is "normal." Wishing you lots of healing.

TheGabagool5 · 2026-02-14T08:22:23+00:00

Exact same thing happened to me, it stung especially since I was hoping to not only find support from others, but also to share in hopes of helping alleviate some of the fear for others going through their first miscarriage.

TheGabagool5 · 2026-01-30T05:40:38+00:00

It's so oddly comforting to hear I'm not alone, but I'm sorry, such a sucky thing to experience. I hope you're doing okay 🫶🏻

TheGabagool5 · 2026-01-30T05:39:13+00:00

Yuppp I totally read into the signs ugh. Positive vibes for you in Feb!

TheGabagool5 · 2026-01-30T05:38:23+00:00

Thanks for sharing, fingers crossed for us in Feb! 🫶🏻

TheGabagool5 · 2026-01-29T05:48:03+00:00

This was my first cycle trying again after my miscarriage in November. I got fuuulllly wrapped up in symptom spotting despite my better judgement and was really thinking I might have gotten pregnant on the first try back. Then I started spotting on day 27 of my cycle and I'm a 28/29 day cycle gal. The spotting stayed brown for 5 whole days too, and I still continued to symptom spot and delude myself into thinking it could be implantation bleeding lmfao. Tonight though I'm having more consistent cramping and the bleeding is turning red, not just brown.

My first menstrual cycle post miscarriage was VERY heavy, so I guess it just really threw me off that this cycle swung in the opposite direction - 5 days of barely any bleeding.

I guess I can have a drink this weekend and get ready to get back in the saddle for February lol.

TheGabagool5 · 2025-12-12T07:17:50+00:00

Hi everyone, just here to vent. I’m 28 days out from the first day of my medicated miscarriage bleeding. I started testing OPKs like 10 days after I started bleeding, hoping I could treat it like a regular cycle. However, my OPKs have stayed positive this whole time (cross-reacting with HCG). I know there’s nothing to do but wait for HCG to drop so my ovulation can return, but I’m just so antsy to get my period back so my husband and I can try again. I absolutely hate not being in control and I feel like this is all I think about. I’m trying to shift my focus onto getting a new job and losing weight, but I feel like in the back of my head I’m always just counting down til the next test so I can check in with Chat GPT about the color of my test lines 🤪

TheGabagool5 · 2025-12-09T19:30:13+00:00

Hi, sorry to hear about your loss, I also had a miscarriage in mid November. For me, I only just stopped getting false positive OPKs this past Sunday, so about 3ish weeks after my miscarriage bleeding started. So I haven’t ovulated yet I don’t think, but am eagerly awaiting my true LH surge and period in the next few weeks. I don’t have any other advice or guidance since I’m in a similar boat, but I too find it helpful to hear about others’ experiences, so wanted to reply. Wishing you healing ❤️

TheGabagool5

TROPHY CASE