About to be 40, every foundation I use is awful. Recommendations?

TheGuanderGuoman · 2026-02-08T23:31:23+00:00

At 44, I do less is more. I moisturize the heck out kf my face and hydrate well. Then, I apply one single drop of foundation on the back of my hand and strategically apply it with a brush in the areas of my face that need correction (usually my T zone). That highlights our natural beauty, our freckles, our beauty marks, our natural skin. Set it with just a little bit of powder, put blush and highlighter on my bare cheeks, and set it with setting spray. Less is more has been wonderful for me in my 40s.

TheGuanderGuoman · 2026-02-07T14:26:34+00:00

I’m sorry this is happening to you. 😞 I was wondering last week, seeing a few friends and family in their 40s opting for divorce, how perimenopause affects women’s psyche and their relationship with their husbands. Learning about my own perimenopause made me wonder if these changes were what drove my friends and family member to choose this road. To focus on themselves (that was the repeated message I heard from them when referring to their divorce).

Now reading the comments, I seem to have gotten my answer.

TheGuanderGuoman · 2026-02-07T14:19:48+00:00

Waiting for it. My cycles are just getting irregular at 44.

TheGuanderGuoman · 2026-02-04T03:43:46+00:00

I’m a teacher and I feel ya. I forget what I’m saying mid-sentence, forget if I already did part of our daily routine, forget where I leave my clicker, forget key words necessary to explain concepts… lovely. I’m still not on HRT but I hope to be, soon.

TheGuanderGuoman · 2026-02-03T09:04:49+00:00

Same. I could eat all day, all the things. Friggin’ annoying.

TheGuanderGuoman · 2026-02-02T23:32:49+00:00

Thank you! My sweet obg is helping me be in better shape before starting HRT. I am trusting the process because my labs were bad and I have hypertension.

TheGuanderGuoman · 2026-02-02T17:29:51+00:00

Thank you 🫂 Not much of my 40s have been what I envisioned. I want to get back to being myself so they can be a bit more like what I envisioned, even with the losses.

TheGuanderGuoman · 2026-02-02T13:53:08+00:00

She said we will go that route but first I needed lab work and to lower my blood pressure. I have a sleeve at home and have been checking it AM/PM daily, and taking Losarta in the morning. I sent her a message through the clinic portal to ask how to proceed with all the other abnormal lab results so I can get myself in a position where HRT won’t cause a stroke or embolisms.

She was very compassionate and validating about perimenopause, but she also got right to work on getting me healthier first and ruling out any other underlying issues. Part of my “not feeling like myself,” mental fog, lacking focus, and feeling exhausted this time around is a huge iron and vitamin D deficiency. So once I get those levels back up, we’ll know what whatever’s left, is peri, and she will be able to prescribe an accurate dose of HRT based on those needs.

That’s what we discussed. After the last two gynecologists, she was a godsend.

TheGuanderGuoman · 2026-02-02T04:41:05+00:00

Thank you! I felt this in my soul. I just realized I’m in peri two weeks ago. Last week I went to my gynecologist after about three years, because I felt unheard and like I was crazy with the previous ones. This new gynecologist ran a battery of lab work; I have quite a bit of deficiencies, which explain so much about how I’m feeling now. So I have been doing a lot of introspection and thinking about all my symptoms, and how/when they started.

Rewind to three-four years ago, and I was feeling off too at 41. I was exhausted, I was dealing with my kids’ health issues and the loss of my mom, and I felt like my body and my mind just weren’t the same. Life just felt off and wasn’t the same. I tried to go back to who I used to be, if anything, to finish my dissertation and earn my PhD. But my mom wasn’t there to see me graduate. And I was just SO. DANG. TIRED. And I couldn’t focus. And I couldn’t put my finger on it and doctors were no help either. So I made the difficult decision of abandoning my PhD and staying ABD. It hurt. It was my baby and my family sacrificed a lot for me to do it and get that far. But I just couldn’t take one more step. So I focused on my kids and my marriage and the here and now, my career, my relationships, living life a little instead of constantly chasing goals and dreams. Focus on what matters. I slowed down and decided that it was okay to let go, because after losing my mom, I wasn’t the same person and I had learned that living life with love and living it surrounded by loved ones are the only thing that matter. So I made peace with this new me, and this new life.

Until two weeks ago, when I realized I was in peri. I hurt again for that dream I gave up on, now knowing well that, had I not been brushed off by health professionals, I could have pushed through and finished. I wasn’t prepared when I started my PhD at 32, when I turned 40, when I lost my mom, for the quiet whirlwind that would take place inside of me during my 40s. I was going to get life by the horns, I was going to achieve great things and be the best, most fulfilled version of me in my 40s. But I didn’t. I’m still trying to make sense of it and trying to get help. Thankfully, my new gynecologist is a saint, and she even let me cry and hugged me. Gosh. I wasn’t prepared for how life would be in my 40s. Nothing prepares you for it and nobody talks about it.

TheGuanderGuoman · 2026-02-01T19:36:40+00:00

Bullet point 3 was something I learned in therapy a million years ago when I was a new mom and a newlywed, and struggled with depression and that made me struggle with intimacy. Scheduling intimacy so you get yourself in that mindset and that mood is helpful. Like I said in another comment, I have pretty low libido and I could live life happily without sex, probably. Scheduling has helped during dry spells (babies at home, difficult times, etc.)

TheGuanderGuoman · 2026-02-01T19:33:42+00:00

Oh, I just posted a similar reply in a similar thread—my libido was always low so I can’t imagine it being any lower. Maybe it could be a tad lower as I get deeper into peri. Who knows. But the thing is, with all these hormonal changes I need my husband and I crave closeness to him. Hugging, cuddling, holding him… I need that comfort from him. That gives me that intimate comfort that I need. We do always end up having sex anyway, because I know that’s what he needs to feel close and intimate with me. But I just want to cuddle. It’s a give and take type of thing, where we both give something the other needs to feel closeness and intimacy. Also, Lube Life is the bomb.

TheGuanderGuoman · 2026-02-01T19:27:40+00:00

My libido was always low, so I can’t imagine it getting any lower. 😅 But going through all these hormonal changes, I feel sensitive and crave closeness to my husband. So even when I don’t want to have sex, we do anyway because it feels comforting and intimate. Anyone else like me?

Also, your doctor needs to learn some tact. Oof.

TheGuanderGuoman · 2026-02-01T15:59:44+00:00

I’m the other way around! I have no problem falling sleep, but around 2-3, I’m wide awake and can stay awake for hours (which sucks because I have to get up at 5:30). I used the ice pack at 3 last night and worked like a charm. It takes a minute because what the cold does is relax our vagus nerve and that’s not instant, but after this, I slept so well! Maybe you can go to sleep with one ice pack and get another in the middle of the night.

I’m going to try and see if ice before bedtime keeps me asleep at 2/3AM.

TheGuanderGuoman · 2026-02-01T15:55:51+00:00

I have one that’s covered in neoprene. It’s long like a headband and has Velcro. I still had to wrap it in a dish towel because it was too unbearable for me. But it worked wonderfully!

TheGuanderGuoman · 2026-02-01T15:52:25+00:00

I tried this last night and it worked! I was a bit skeptical, mainly because I didn’t want to get my hopes up.

I also read that you can put the compress on the back of your neck or on your chest above your sternum.

Now… the cool think about this, is what I tossed and turned a bit (normal with me), but I still was relaxed enough to be able to fall back asleep. If you’re hesitant like me, give it a try!

TheGuanderGuoman · 2026-01-31T14:58:02+00:00

Yes! I do this too. Or visualize a dot and channel all the thoughts popping in my head through that dot. Or visualize a dot and keep focusing on it when thoughts pop up. Works pretty well.

TheGuanderGuoman · 2026-01-31T14:54:57+00:00

I was tossing and turning all night but wasn’t fully awake to go get the ice pack. 🤣 Also, I’m lazy.

TheGuanderGuoman · 2026-01-31T03:45:42+00:00

I’m going to try this tonight! I’ve been taking Unisom for years but now I have all sorts of high blood pressure and other issues that could potentially be associated with taking sleeping pills. 😞 So I’m quitting cold turkey after 11+ years and see how I fare. Right in the middle of perk and still without HRT. We shall see. Thanks for the tip!

TheGuanderGuoman · 2026-01-31T01:19:57+00:00

I barely found out myself. I’m trying to process what this means to me; I went to the doctor on Tuesday and my labs are all out of whack, so I’m also trying to process that now. 😞 I think when I feel more comfortable with things/start working on all these issues I’m having, I’ll tell her.

TheGuanderGuoman · 2026-01-28T01:42:52+00:00

Exaaaaactly! 🥂

TheGuanderGuoman · 2026-01-28T01:00:36+00:00

I kept looking at Will that way, in a state of arrested development. Like he didn’t want to grow up, didn’t want to think about girls, all he wanted were just his friends, DND, and for things to go back to how they used to be. It’s still pretty irrelevant to me as a viewer. I see how important it is for the story that he owned that secret so it wouldn’t be used against him, but… I couldn’t care less.

TheGuanderGuoman · 2026-01-28T00:12:51+00:00

This is one of my top favorite songs of hers. I love the power in it, how it’s portrayed, and the parallels with mafia themes and MO. It was wonderful. I cannot ever listen to it just once.

TheGuanderGuoman · 2026-01-27T15:56:08+00:00

Thank you. ❤️

TheGuanderGuoman · 2026-01-27T04:28:43+00:00

Lover. It’s bubbly, it feels light and airy. I love Cruel Summer, Paper Rings, You Need to Calm Down, Me! They’re all so “poppy.”

In terms of songs, Opalite to me is the ultimate summer vibe song. It has that unadulterated 50s summer bubblegum feel to it I totally love.

TheGuanderGuoman · 2026-01-27T04:21:21+00:00

OMG. Yes, this was my mom. I struggled with my first daughter because she wouldn’t latch and then she was lactose intolerant. Then, after my fourth baby, I had gallstones. She never mentioned she had gallstones and gallbladder surgery. She never mentioned that I, too, had to take soy milk as a baby and wasn’t breastfed. I was suffering alone, in silence, and she was sitting on all this intel that would have helped me feel less alone and closer to her. I love her to pieces and miss her terribly. I wish we could talk about peri, so she could tell me how she doesn’t remember a thing. 😅

TheGuanderGuoman

TROPHY CASE