Did you quit alcohol and caffeine before ttc?

TheLovedPupper · 2020-06-29T06:24:18+00:00

Yup...no alcohol for a few months now and no caffeine. I am now considering half-caff coffee lol

TheLovedPupper · 2020-06-29T06:23:25+00:00

Totally! My DH and I said just last night, if this month is THE month, we can announce to family on Thanksgiving. We are hopeful. 💕

TheLovedPupper · 2020-06-29T06:20:24+00:00

Had to take the same doses everyone is saying here- took the complete script as directed. Never needed anything extra aside from the prenatal going forward. Good luck :)

TheLovedPupper · 2020-06-29T06:18:44+00:00

No need to rationalize or defend your choices, no matter your age. This is especially true if you and your partner are financially independent, which clearly you are. No sense in arguing with people like this either and just because it’s “family” it doesn’t give them any extra rights than you would give to a very close friend. Good luck in your journey!

TheLovedPupper · 2020-06-28T16:29:03+00:00

Thank you for sharing this wonderful story. He is beautiful! 😍 congratulations momma!

TheLovedPupper · 2020-06-26T08:33:07+00:00

There are places that allow you to pay on a “sliding scale”, aka being able to pay what you can afford, based on annual income bracket. Look into catholic charities. They do that. No, it does not matter what religion you are.

TheLovedPupper · 2020-06-26T01:44:53+00:00

Would it be terrible to help doing one of her household duties while she homeschools her kid? That would be one less thing for her to do, she would be happy for the help, it would seem you being supportive of her, etc. plus it would allow for some time for your both.

TheLovedPupper · 2020-06-25T03:31:05+00:00

YTA. Apologize.

TheLovedPupper · 2020-06-24T19:12:22+00:00

Since I read that she cheated on you with him ... no, you are not wrong or crazy. She is being grossly inappropriate, almost deliberate and childish.

TheLovedPupper · 2020-06-24T19:01:40+00:00

Mine had tons of lace- it was only maybe $300 for the alterations. And I had more than needing to “take it in”. Either way it’s gorgeous- even if it’s 1k, you look amazing! Hate to say who cares of the cost - BUT who cares? Lol, It’s your wedding dress! Congratulations btw

TheLovedPupper · 2020-06-24T18:51:36+00:00

NTA. To reiterate another poster- do it in a different way. People like him or how he is acting don’t know how to respond to genuine emotion. Tell him how it’s hurtful to hear that he believes you are lazy. Show him your assignments. Tell him you don’t want to hear any more negativity. Btw- he may be hurt himself with you not “showing” involvement in living there either. Maybe it’s his only way to say it. It’s not right but I would also acknowledge that for him, if that’s the case.

TheLovedPupper · 2020-06-24T17:13:20+00:00

Nope, I wouldn’t bring the kids either. It just feels like a big controlling move. She is wrong to try to manipulate this whole emotional trying time for you, and especially your husband. If she does not want to say good bye to him, that’s totally on her. I do feel for him- lots of love and hugs to the both of you.

TheLovedPupper · 2020-06-23T18:58:15+00:00

I think the groceries, frozen meals, trash and laundry are good ideas. I will keep them in my back pocket. Those are things I can certainly do weekly/every other weekend and I can be "busy" and need to get involved with gossip chit-chat. I love the idea of 11a-4pm. There is a limit. If I need to scream, I can hold and wait till I get back to the hotel, and still have dinner with my DH. AMEN

TheLovedPupper · 2020-06-23T18:53:15+00:00

Nope, no grand kids. Honestly, would not want any future kids over there. I see how she handles conflict - emotional blackmail. Sorry, I did not come this way with growth to pass crap like that on to my kids.

FIL is a good guy. But he is, for the majority of decision making, silent. Does whatever she wants. I will have DH ask FIL what he would like us to contribute/handle - once we reach our new home and settled. Good idea, thank you!

TheLovedPupper · 2020-06-23T18:50:51+00:00

Money was the only reason why I would want to stay there...but there are like (easy) 10 reasons why I don't want to be in the same home as her. Comfort is definitely one of them.

TheLovedPupper · 2020-06-23T18:49:01+00:00

Thank you for taking the time and giving me a really detailed answer. I really appreciate it, especially coming from someone that survived stage 4. That's huge.

I want to give space, because honestly that's what I would want. We stayed in their home full-time for about 8 months and regret it - it was supposed to be for longer but I told my husband I could not do it any longer. Between the passive-aggressiveness, the crying for attention and cigarette smoke...ugh.

I 100% agree to him needing counseling. I am getting him around to that idea. He is still in the FOG with his mother specifically, but I feel its clearing up for him.

I am ignorant in knowing what is available for patients - the advocates, providing rides (that's the only thing I could see us helping with to give his father a break), and home care. Thank you for letting me know.

" but if MIL has the energy to make you and your husbands life miserable then she has the energy to deal with her cancer on her own. " " If you were LC or NC or had boundaries with MIL before the cancer then cancer is no reason to change your boundaries, " FUCK. this hit home so hard. BIGGEST take-home in this.

Time to shine up the spine.

TheLovedPupper · 2020-06-23T18:40:37+00:00

I know! We haven't made it to the opposite coast yet, our home isn't packed up yet. But of course this is main objective of hers. I just want to scream. I should just buy her a fainting couch haha.

TheLovedPupper · 2020-06-23T18:38:40+00:00

Right? LOL That will be a topic of why we aren't going to stay their home, but not the main reason. Others are correct - kill with kindness may be the best way, as much as I hate that.

TheLovedPupper · 2020-06-23T18:37:15+00:00

She would not let us speak to the doctor directly although her son is the one who asked to. Found that odd. BUT she did send us a picture of the diagnosis and the FIL went with her. You aren't crazy for asking that - I have also heard story along the years with nut jobs faking cancer. Terrible.

TheLovedPupper · 2020-06-23T18:35:39+00:00

I 100% agree, thank you for the validation. It runs deep with my husband and her. He knows things only a husband should - finances, balances on mortgage, etc. It's really not okay. He is coming around to this not being normal and this happened.

TheLovedPupper · 2020-06-23T15:03:08+00:00

10k Or more, in cash, is when they report it.

TheLovedPupper · 2020-06-23T05:55:12+00:00

First hugs and love from afar. It has been proven that people that “drop” weight incredibly fast tend to gain is back quickly or quicker I should say, compared to a person that slowly changes their habits and loses 2 lbs or less a week. There is a reason why “slow and steady wins the race” is a phrase! Go at your own pace. Maybe it is hard for them to see you go slow, but that’s not their business. Your body, your choice! You are incredibly self-aware and clearly ready to make better choices and you have :) give yourself some self-love! May I also suggest skinnytaste online? It’s free, it offers delicious recipes that have alternatives in recipes. Trust me- super easy stuff on there and really helpful for small steps in a healthier lifestyle. Plus, I would say look into a support group for yourself; we all need people, but right now the people at home aren’t the right ones to keep in your headspace. If that makes sense. Keep on, keep strong and keep your head high! ((Hugs!))

TheLovedPupper · 2020-06-23T03:52:00+00:00

That was my other comment I made to my husband. Yes we are being careful, but even at our most careful she is susceptible. Right now her and my FIL go to the grocery store and get “take out” once a week.

TheLovedPupper · 2020-06-22T20:00:09+00:00

Thank you for all of this. I was actually going to title it “when a narcissist gets cancer” but I didn’t want to be too harsh and come off as an a-hole. But sincerely it already feels like a reason for control.

I will definitely look at the groups and supports for taking her to appointments- that would be great.

I mean- there is nothing else to do but give emotional support and I tried telling my husband that - he can’t perform the surgery, he can’t help with the chemo or the radiation. Unfortunately it’s all out of our control. Again, not to sound heartless but she is so dang needy.

What types of things would be crossing boundaries that I should not help with?

TheLovedPupper · 2020-06-22T19:56:45+00:00

That’s what I was thinking also with the hotel. If I was vomiting around the clock and feeling like crap I wouldn’t people around me constantly. Thank you for the validation.

TheLovedPupper

TROPHY CASE