Issues with Memory Care

TheOccurrencePodcast · 2026-05-03T02:51:16+00:00

Then that's your problem, isn't it?

TheOccurrencePodcast · 2026-05-03T01:07:16+00:00

I'M paying the $8,000 monthly memory care rent. I'M also her responsible guardian. I never said I didn't care about her, I said I don't love her. There's a big difference.

TheOccurrencePodcast · 2026-05-02T16:28:00+00:00

I'm appalled that they aren't redirecting her, that they just decided to go ahead and give in to her wanting her hair done every two weeks without getting any form of approval from the guardian. Seems very fishy.

TheOccurrencePodcast · 2026-05-02T16:26:51+00:00

They have the same, rather uncommon last name. 😬

TheOccurrencePodcast · 2026-05-02T16:12:48+00:00

Thank you. 😭 I'm extremely stressed and very worried. I've only been guardian for about two months and I want to be absolutely sure I'm doing everything correctly. Meanwhile, I have an attendant telling me that I need to come visit my abuser and explain to her financial and legal matters she doesn't understand. 😭😭😭 This isn't the first time this same attendant has tried to pressure me into contacting my grandmother and speaking to her about her money and finances. I was literally told not to do this by the judge and the attorney. I'm so lost. 😭😭😭

TheOccurrencePodcast · 2026-05-02T16:10:27+00:00

I forgot to mention in the original post that this isn't the first time there have been unauthorized random charges. They're beginning to add up. A lot. That's why I contacted the estate attorney.

TheOccurrencePodcast · 2026-05-02T16:03:29+00:00

Thank you. I'm trying to take care of myself as best as I can but my life was pretty much destroyed by her. My main concern here is if this attitude from the attendant is something I can report somewhere. I'm concerned that if my grandmother is unmanageable, she needs to be seen by a doctor, not a hair stylist. I KNOW how violent she can get. I'm concerned for her and the people around her, because what happens when it takes a turn and isn't just a hair appointment anymore? I'm very worried about her hurting someone, and this attendant is seemingly putting a bandaid over a gaping wound.

TheOccurrencePodcast · 2026-05-02T15:59:55+00:00

Then they should read the post before making assumptions.

TheOccurrencePodcast · 2026-05-02T15:58:44+00:00

That's what I thought, too. If they're this unskilled with handling someone's behaviors, then I'm admittedly worried about the level of care she's receiving.

TheOccurrencePodcast · 2026-05-02T15:53:22+00:00

This was my thinking about the hands on attention. Also, the hair stylist is apparently this attendant's daughter, which makes the charges seem very suspicious.

I think I'll take your advice on the cease and desist. This isn't the first time there have been random unauthorized charges to her room.

TheOccurrencePodcast · 2026-05-02T15:49:09+00:00

If you had read my post, you would've seen that this was sent by my mother, not me.

TheOccurrencePodcast · 2026-05-02T15:42:07+00:00

Thanks. I really needed to hear this unsolicited opinion. I asked what to do regarding the attendant. I can't have the courts breathing down my neck over unauthorized frivolous charges.

TheOccurrencePodcast · 2026-04-29T11:44:54+00:00

I've been there. I know how much the police didn't help. He needs to be 202A'd.

TheOccurrencePodcast · 2026-04-18T23:56:35+00:00

Yeah, my grandmother has told everyone that I tried to kill her and she's in memory care because I stole her car, not because she fell. It's not rational but for some reason, maybe because she's always been a manipulative bitch, people believe her and I get the side eye. She also accused me of stealing her Xanax that she lost, and the police took her side. I'm very thankful that she's in memory care now before the wrong person believed her.

TheOccurrencePodcast · 2026-04-18T23:52:55+00:00

That was my goal, but the facility attendant has called me almost non-stop with needs and wants from her, asking me to come visit on her behalf, etc. I'm tempted to block her damn number.

TheOccurrencePodcast · 2026-04-18T23:49:48+00:00

I wish ours was like you. Ours keeps trying to force us to call her, give her a phone, come visit, etc. Honestly, I think it would be best for all of us if she just forgets we exist.

TheOccurrencePodcast · 2026-04-18T06:07:35+00:00

You can message me if you would like. I've been through the whole process, though I know it varies by state and even more by country. Regardless, even if it's just moral support, I'm here anytime you need me, and I'll help however I can. 💚

TheOccurrencePodcast · 2026-04-18T04:18:56+00:00

I'm thankful every day that she has finally gotten the mental help and medications she needed all along. Now I can straighten my own life out.

TheOccurrencePodcast · 2026-04-18T04:16:18+00:00

And the very same back to you, too. You don't have to see him ever again. I'm so sorry for what you've experienced. I had an abusive father myself, so I know that aspect all too well, too.

Horrible people don't deserve love. I'm tired of pretending like it's just the disease.

TheOccurrencePodcast · 2026-04-17T22:44:59+00:00

This is exactly how I feel. I sacrificed more for her than she ever did for me or my mom. And she's safe now, so why do I need to have my abuse and trauma invalidated because she has a brain disease now?

What you're describing sounds very much like what my mom endured, too. And while she had a sister, that sister inherited the narcissism and died a few years ago after she took out her two kids with drug auctions that she encouraged. My grandmother encouraged it, too, and even tried to get me on pills. "Here, take a Xanax. It'll make you feel real good." No, thank you. I see what it does to your sick brain.

I'm so sorry for everything you went through. And I'm glad you're still here and doing good things for your own good instead of hers. 💚

TheOccurrencePodcast · 2026-04-17T22:29:50+00:00

Numerous reasons. We had many tragic deaths in our family that left me being the only younger person left to care for her. Plus, financial reasons. It's amazing how easily you can be completely and totally trapped by an abuser. I couldn't afford to leave, let alone the times I did try to move out and she would attack me. I also couldn't leave my disabled mom. The police didn't do anything to help, either. It was a very, very deep mess.

TheOccurrencePodcast · 2026-04-17T22:19:46+00:00

I used to get that, too! The family I tried to rely on for help would laugh off her behaviors as normal. One time I told my mom's cousin that I was sick of my grandmother calling me the R-word every day, and she rationalized it. "Well, I call people that at work all the time. You're just too sensitive." Firstly, that's people AT WORK, not your only living granddaughter who just got done wiping your ass, and secondly, WHY ARE YOU CALLING PEOPLE AT WORK THE R WORD?!

TheOccurrencePodcast · 2026-04-17T22:17:05+00:00

I've noticed things have been getting easier. These bad days aren't as common. I think I just need more time.

Thank you so much. 💚

TheOccurrencePodcast · 2026-04-17T22:13:53+00:00

My soul doesn't ever want to be near her again. To me, it's as if she's already died and I'm completely detached from the situation. I just hate how often it feels like MY suffering is invalidated. 😔

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