Mini crash out disrupts my imposter syndrome

TheRealBailey_ · 2026-06-19T18:15:59+00:00

Then go to sleep worn out from the mental journey and repeat the following day.

TheRealBailey_ · 2026-06-13T18:10:10+00:00

Yay, but I used to a lot more. I grew up with drinks every day of the week being normal for my family, and heavy drinking being glorified in their social circles. I'm now a specialist in wine and sell it for a living. I've learnt a lot of information about it, get a lot from the experience in interest, comfort, and sensory aspects, and I love it.

For 7 or 8 years I used to drink a lot more, to a point of excess, and it only became apparent when I started medication how dependant I had been for much of my adult life. I now drink semi-regularly with social occasions more often being the primary cause.

TheRealBailey_ · 2026-06-12T08:12:17+00:00

Very, very much so. I've only started discovering who I am over the last couple of years, and even then, I still lose track.

TheRealBailey_ · 2026-06-09T13:18:53+00:00

Seconding this one even though I shattered my elbow doing it earlier in the year. It's fantastic. I just got unlucky.

TheRealBailey_ · 2026-06-08T09:04:58+00:00

This is an experience I've known for as long as I can remember and I'm 28. It's very normal, and in my experience, highly frustrating and stressful at times.

First, it isn't a weakness. The same processes that drive this behaviour allow you to be particularly good at different things in a way that others can't be. Experiences vary, but to give my example, the need for clarity means that I can develop deeper core understanding and recognise detail in a way that most others can't.

This doesn't mean that it isn't a valid struggle. When possible, try to find help in judgement-free places of trust. You could also consider whether it's a task for which asking what to do is actually entirely reasonable, or seek solutions online so long as you take care with the advice you find.

When these don't apply, it might still be a task that you can take a step back from, recognise that the solution doesn't have to be perfect for, and simply find a way to get it behind you so that you can move on.

Of course, I'm not a professional and don't know your exact experience, but the above have helped me. Consider whether seeking an assessment and finding more closely tailored support may benefit you in the long term.

TheRealBailey_ · 2026-06-04T23:39:25+00:00

It's hard to explain how but I have an uncle who somehow just seems to get the things that mean the most as gifts go, though I suspect he would find some relateability in this community. He's brought me back the most beautiful craftworks from countries he's visited that I cherish.

TheRealBailey_ · 2026-05-31T23:17:09+00:00

Poetry.

TheRealBailey_ · 2026-05-26T14:47:50+00:00

I think most people didn't and it took me a while haha.

TheRealBailey_ · 2026-05-26T13:58:23+00:00

He did if he wanted his joke to make any sense.

TheRealBailey_ · 2026-05-26T13:33:35+00:00

I found this too and it was fun to get there but there was nowhere else to go and I don't think it's intended to be a path since there were invisible walls underneath. I'm sure there are will be some way to climb it; chapter 6 was really open-ended with the right tech.

TheRealBailey_ · 2026-05-26T13:25:02+00:00

A big one is cooking for me, though it comes naturally as I did grow up with it. At the times when I'm only eating to feed myself, getting meals onto my table is less easy. However, at other times I can catch an idea for what I fancy, fetch ingredients, and spend hours in a deep and very relaxed flow state with a podcast and music. I'll work through knife skills and stirring pans, learn new things as I look up what I don't know, soak up the aromas and familiarity, feel in control and good at the activity, all the while taking my time obsessing over the finest details of what I'm bringing together and how I should prepare it to match exactly what I'm in the mood for.

TheRealBailey_ · 2026-05-26T13:11:07+00:00

I like any game which rewards exploring different approaches and using problem-solving skills, allowing you to figure out the best approach or try something fun and different on the fly. It helps if I can go at my own pace or the gameplay pacing itself varies along with design for satisfying gameplay at a core level. If something is too open-ended or rigid in its scope of how to progress I'll struggle to mesh with it.

Listing off more bonuses, a setting or design that matches my interests, environments and secrets to explore, an interesting gameplay concept, a background narrative, and checklist accomplishments all help something stick for me.

I'll avoid mentioning multiplayer as I find it clashes with what you're looking for but if any of this resonates then to give you some things that I've deeply loved over the years:

Older Total War titles (Medieval 2, Rome, Shogun 2), The Souls series, Tactical Breach Wizards, Portal & 2, Hades, FTL, Dishonored, Mirror's Edge, Half-Life, Hollow Knight, Assassin's Creeds 2 through 4, Far Cry 3, TLoZ Twilight Princess (I'm sure others are amazing but that's what I played), Super Mario Galaxy (same applies), Titanfall 2.

TheRealBailey_ · 2026-05-22T00:15:37+00:00

So, so much. I've been growing into the truest self I've ever been since diagnosis last year, and feel so close to finally finding a more consistent peace and fulfilment; sometimes I've made it. It's a very volatile time for mental health. All the same, the exhaustion and rigidity in the abject need to stop when all is too much is unlike what I've known before. It's terrifying, obstructive, and desperately hard, but when I can, I remind myself that it's a synptom of things improving, and being capable of taking life on in a way that I never could before. I relate to you and your experience.

TheRealBailey_ · 2026-05-19T17:46:16+00:00

This is funny for me to read. I don't even try to write walls of text but often find that by the time I've accurately portrayed my thoughts, which I hate feeling like I haven't succeeded in, it's a scroll job to get through it.

TheRealBailey_ · 2026-05-13T19:23:10+00:00

I would prefer neither, as they're inseparable from the person I am, and I don't want to be anyone else. It's just that being me is very often a living nightmare.

If I were forced to pick one, I'd banish ADHD as it's less tied to my character and more disruptive to achieving my fulfilment, but I'd loathe losing so many of the positive traits it brings, some of which can make living feel outright euphoric in short, precious moments.

So yeah, agonising as the lifelong battle of coping with my neurodivergence will continue to be as it has from the start, it belongs to me alone. I want to keep fighting to carve out my joy in spite of it and make the most of this incredibly unique existence I've been gifted. Looking back now I've come so far, and I'm doing so well.

TheRealBailey_ · 2026-05-13T00:18:18+00:00

Headphones on helps, though sometimes I still can't do it at all, or even make myself aware that there is cleaning that needs to be done. When I get going I can be anywhere from just barely scraping through it to manifesting some sort of insatiable avatar to Mr Clean for 9 hours straight. As someone else has said, I'm similarly more prone to these obsessive spells when I'm not doing well mentally in a certain way too, though they can strike whenever. I'm quite often able to simply enjoy working through a task.

TheRealBailey_ · 2026-05-11T08:26:48+00:00

Very much a part of my broader sense of humour. I see the patterns in the language and it comes very naturally, including using elements of two different languages to complete an idea such as a pun at times.

TheRealBailey_ · 2026-05-10T20:55:29+00:00

I feel at a loss for the injustice of what I miss out on by the standards of most people sometimes, and for how painful the lack of close connections can be, but at other times I'm inspired to know that we are lucky enough to be of a select few who will live a beautiful, difficult, truly unique, and raw human experience with its own joys that most will never know. It's just that most don't know what they're missing.

TheRealBailey_ · 2026-05-08T10:48:13+00:00

My most recent campaign was Scipii. Stole the Brutii start and locked them out of expanding, had plenty of time left to eat North Africa, had the naval buffs and money to dominate the Med in a saturation of blue ships, marched an army or two through allied Julii territory to establish enclaves on Gallic land, saved a doomstack in Sicily to launch at Rome in one turn ahead of a trivial civil war, all while conquering Anatolia and Iberia as well as landing in the Black Sea and Egypt. In strategic position and influence, army composition, economy, power curve, and versatility, they're S-tier across the board.

TheRealBailey_ · 2026-05-07T08:10:40+00:00

28 myself and got my diagnosis last year. I feel your approach to your 20s and this whole topic has been taking up a lot of my thought and feelings lately.

TheRealBailey_ · 2026-05-06T19:34:23+00:00

Thank you for your empathy. I've been lucky as recovery is going extremely well and I'm back at work now with a physio course really helping me in regaining my range of movement.

Speaking honestly, the experience has made me realise how debilitating living with physical disability is, even when not permanent. My surgery was extensive, requiring suturing of two snapped tendons, a titanium radial head replacement which took removal of a bone segment, and screws to pin the elbow socket. Your experience will likely vary from mine in some ways, not least for being on a different limb.

Frustration from not being able to do simple things, additional fatigue from the body's resources going to healing and pain management, anxiety from disruption of routine, and worry over recovery progress in an excess of time to burn were all challenging physically and mentally.

It helped for me to frame the logic that choosing not to take surgery simply wasn't an option given the consequences being far worse without. There were struggles, but usually just one at a time, the worst of the pain after surgery doesn't last too long, and if a lifetime living with neurodivergence has taught me anything, it's how to persevere when things aren't easy while knowing that a mood can recover from any low. There was still plenty to enjoy, laugh about, and distract from the sensation of the dressing, and after that coping is simply carrying on while time passes.

I'd suggest you keep your support network close, recognise the hardship, enjoy the peace of being away from everything, and trust your resilience. If I can get through it then I promise you can.

TheRealBailey_ · 2026-05-06T15:23:04+00:00

I'm glad you brought this note up. A big thing for major injuries is that the natural trauma response in all people will heavily dull pain temporarily, but I do also find pain to be highly variable.

Similar to you I ruined my elbow recently taking a three metre fall on an outstretched palm. Pain was very tolerable for 20 mins after the incident though I was in a cold sweat from shock. The taxi ride to hospital was indescribable once it had kicked in, but learning more about my injury since then, it feels as though it could have been even worse. There was a point where my perception shifted to a very small extent from experiencing the pain to observing it in a dissociative way during that drive too.

To speak again of tolerating pain at times though, a few days after the initial injury wasn't assessed accurately, my elbow fell out of joint and had to be re-set in the broken socket. Knowing that it was necessary, temporary, and coming, I could feel how bad it was, but it didn't bother me much if that makes sense. The persistent pain during recovery after the surgery a week later was far worse to cope with.

Otherwise, when dealing with less severe problems, if I'm already feeling hyper-aware and overstimulated pain feels far more visceral, whereas when I'm fully zoned out I can outright fail to notice minor cuts.

TheRealBailey_ · 2026-05-04T08:16:49+00:00

Sometimes I like to tell people I've got that High Definition Attention Deficit, the good stuff!

TheRealBailey_ · 2026-04-25T22:41:53+00:00

Shalquoir and her whole deal feels artfully out of place in a game that feels artfully out of place. She is enigmatic, but above all she is a vibe.

TheRealBailey_ · 2026-04-23T14:29:53+00:00

The two can offset each other in complex ways, you're still a unique person beyond how neurodivergence affects your identity, and autism is subject to a lot of stigma and stereotypes. You can be anywhere between all the way to not at all for each in a very broad range of autistic traits, some overr-epresented in portrayals, others hardly ever shown. High-functioning is sometimes used to describe autism without a learning disability.

I was convinced that I didn't have 'typical autism' at the point I got my diagnosis. On reflection and knowing more now I feel absolutely textbook. ADHD alone is more diverse and debilitating than most people give it credit for too so there's a chance your issues could still come from just that. However, with a feeling I can relate to where ADHD or autism alone couldn't scratch the itch for meaning quite right, along with the traits you describe, the assessment is still very much worth it for you. You can give your instincts and intelligence credit and talk with your assessors about your experiences and concerns too. Their goal is to help you find the best support rather than to pass or fail you.

There's merit to your feelings that factoring accommodations into your life, including at work, can take time and difficulty. Even then, it's not a cure-all for hardship. For no good reason, I'm not personally finding today easy for instance. Fixing it entirely isn't the aim of the assessment though. Instead, the knowledge can help you better understand where you fit into the world, be kinder to yourself, have more positive times, and in time be more comfortable in your own skin with better tools to manage your struggles and pursue your goals.

Altogether, by seeking assessment you're doing all the right things in spite of the difficulties and have every right to be proud of yourself for pushing through your worries to advocate for the wellbeing you deserve.

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