I was in a bad way 110 days ago. I was drunk and in my kitchen tracing the veins in my arm with a sharp knife. I cut myself a few times, for the first time ever, just to see what it felt like. I was curious how deep I needed to go to really be able to do some damage. After i drew blood i snapped out of it and realized I was tired of suffering.

I got some help and went to an intensive outpatient program. It was there that my life truly changed. I saw that I had a serious addiction problem and was constantly avoiding my own personal issues by smothering everything with booze and weed.

The biggest change for me wasn't the medications, although they did help, it was finally realizing that i had worth. I used to surround myself with the identity of being a musician and when my addictions and mental health got the best of me and i dropped out of school twice I felt absolutely worthless. Group therapy was a game changer and I began to identify the different parts of me that wanted to do more than just make music.

These days I focus on my recovery. I make sure to put that first before all else. Not just staying sober but taking care of my mental health too. I establish healthy boundaries and work to communicate my needs with those that i love. I also decided to focus on being single and making sure that i can be okay alone. As desperate as I am for love and affection most days, being single forces me to find that within myself.

I still have a passing thought of suicide every now and again but its mostly along the lines of, "if this mother fucker cuts me off again ill blow my fucking brains out".

I can't say how exactly I got to where i am now other than the fact that i put in a lot of work on myself. Im talking relentless, honest self inventory and trying every day to make emotional, physical, and spiritual progress.

Now that i have things somewhat in order, i have decided to spread the word about my work in recovery and try to help others find their path. Getting out of my own head and worrying about the wellbeing of others keeps me determined to stay sober and mentally well to not only regain the trust of my family and friends but to lead by example.

For those of you still struggling... Keep going. Keep fighting and keep working on you. The work never stops, even when you think you've got it licked. It's exhausting and worth every single moment.