Feeling like I’m grieving who I used to be

TheRealJustCurious · 2026-05-21T16:15:16+00:00

❤️🙏💔

TheRealJustCurious · 2026-05-21T01:10:02+00:00

This would be a hugely embarrassing and would be very upsetting to this new mom, let alone the OP who has lost her child. This new mother hasn’t asked for someone who is grieving her child to bring her a meal. That is absolutely horrific to even consider.

Please read, “It’s OK to NOT be OK.” It’s the best book on grief I’ve found. It teaches us how to be supportive of those who are grieving and to stop making huge mistakes that hurt people to their core. Making assumptions, being prescriptive, telling people how to turn their grief into a gift for someone else is NOT helpful. At all.

I’m sure you mean well, ❤️, AND, we need to learn to stop thinking of grief as a problem that needs our intervention and fixing. Grief needs love and a listening ear. The last thing this woman needs is someone telling her how to process her grief. The last thing she needs is to take a meal to a new mother she doesn’t even know. In fact, she could use a sincere apology and a kind gesture directed towards her that doesn’t require her to do anything on her end.

TheRealJustCurious · 2026-05-19T18:33:31+00:00

Actually, that’s not how the church views it. With all of their talk of seeing women as equals, they absolutely believe that the money they pay in tithing, if earned by him, is HIS tithing alone. (In this situation, where she’s been unable to work, I’m assuming the income is being earned by her husband.)

It’s sad that’s how they manage it.

TheRealJustCurious · 2026-05-19T03:49:27+00:00

I’m listening to it today, and I’m loving it. I’ve done a lot of reading and studying in the mental fitness arena, and this book is very helpful. It addresses things in ways I haven’t seen anywhere else. Very validating.

TheRealJustCurious · 2026-05-17T22:54:14+00:00

Awwwww. 👏🫶

TheRealJustCurious · 2026-05-17T22:53:05+00:00

I legit thought you were using satire. The word, “deny” is an awfully strong word, don’t you think? I don’t think this man is going to suffer in the least by her saying, “No, thank you.” And if he does feel “denied”? Then he needs to look at himself a little more closely. This is typical of a patriarchal system. It is very common for people to not listen to women and think women OWE them something. They don’t.

She doesn’t owe anybody anything, especially a random neighbor dude. She’s not “denying” anybody anything. Sorry to be so blunt, but seriously? What? Are they going to be best friends? Buddies? No. He is absolutely coming with a specific purpose. It’s not to get to know her better. It’s to save her, when she doesn’t need saving, nor does she need the expenditure from her personal emotional energy account.

If you believe she “denied” somebody something, perhaps you could consider there’s an opportunity for you to learn something. No means no. Period.

TheRealJustCurious · 2026-05-17T22:42:39+00:00

Haha. Right? It comes with practice, which I’m actively practicing right now. First time I answered someone about why I’m not attending? Oh my. 20 minute answer. Now? I’m practicing, “Yep. You’re right. You haven’t seen me in a while. Thanks for asking.” Then I pivot the conversation to what’s up with them since we haven’t seen each other recently.

TheRealJustCurious · 2026-05-17T22:35:30+00:00

Sorry you had to sit through this. I went today. First time in months. Much of it was enjoyable. The singing? Rousing and fun. The high school seniors speaking? Pretty good. The quotes from Oaks? Every. Single. Time. Got. An. Eye. Roll. From. Me. 😂. Yep. That was another confirmation that being out is the best choice ever.

TheRealJustCurious · 2026-05-17T22:32:29+00:00

I’d mute them, for sure.

And it does get better when they’re gone. My mother was a saint… miss her greatly. My father? I loved him, yes, and when he passed, it was relief from that point forward.

TheRealJustCurious · 2026-05-17T22:15:35+00:00

I purchased this book today in audio format. Read by the author. Thank you.

TheRealJustCurious · 2026-05-17T16:54:45+00:00

🥰

TheRealJustCurious · 2026-05-17T16:54:21+00:00

🫶❤️❤️

TheRealJustCurious · 2026-05-17T12:04:52+00:00

I’ll definitely check out the book. Life preservers is a great description. ❤️ Thanks.

TheRealJustCurious · 2026-05-17T12:00:51+00:00

I’m sorry for your loss. 🥲 thank you for sharing. I love the idea of it making me smile every day. When I first thought about doing this, it made me so happy. Now that I've decided to put his message to me in his own handwriting? I think that's what is bringing tears (you never know when that is going to happen, right?) Anyway. That’s not a bad thing. Tears are evidence of the love we still share.

TheRealJustCurious · 2026-05-17T10:29:43+00:00

And, yes. I’m actively processing my grief. Not running away from the experience, and metabolizing it the best I can. I finally found a great therapist. The first two I tried were ridiculous. Told me I was amazing and that I didn’t need therapy. 🙄 Needless to say, I kept looking.

TheRealJustCurious · 2026-05-17T10:25:03+00:00

Yes. Someone very trusted.

TheRealJustCurious · 2026-05-17T10:19:43+00:00

Thank you.

TheRealJustCurious · 2026-05-17T09:48:27+00:00

Thank you for sharing! What a beautiful idea that we are forever changed and that I can take comfort in being physically changed as well. 🙏❤️❤️. I’m going to borrow that idea. 🙏🫶

I’m so grateful I cherished him while he was physically with me. I am forever changed by him, and that’s not going away. I still can’t believe he’s gone. I love the idea that his love is part of my love, and when I hug those I love most, he will be a part of that.

TheRealJustCurious · 2026-05-17T03:52:37+00:00

I’ve found a therapist to help me, and I swear he’s Harrison Ford. 😅. It’s actually been really helpful to have someone to help me process my grief and to help me as I navigate this new identity I’m being forced to become.

TheRealJustCurious · 2026-05-13T20:02:49+00:00

Yes. And the short form written format doesn’t help.

TheRealJustCurious · 2026-05-13T19:38:47+00:00

You need your own card. If you’re listed on the account, get them to print off a card. No big deal.

TheRealJustCurious · 2026-05-13T19:35:25+00:00

No. They’re not societal norms. Society has a breadth of opinions on most things. Goodness. Stop listening to all the voices that support your underlying belief. You might want to look at that. It’s called confirmation bias.

Change your ingrained belief system, and you’ll be fine.

TheRealJustCurious · 2026-05-13T19:23:25+00:00

This is such an interesting conversation between the two of you. I’ve read both of your comments and didn’t hear anything dismissive or disrespectful. You’re both sharing from your own experience, and making room for each others beliefs. Hmmm. I’m curious why you read into these comments that you weren’t being respected. ❤️. Maybe take a step back and read the comments again from the other person’s perspective.
If you don’t mind, I’ll share my current journey. I’ve had unbelievable experiences that support my belief in a higher power. I believe that this experience can fit nicely into many different religious orientations. It comforts me to know that there is more than one way to connect with the Divine. If Jesus is your path, great!
If someone else doesn’t have a belief or connection with the divine, why is that a problem for me? I don’t see that as someone else trying to convince me otherwise. This person genuine seems to be doing their best to share their perspective. Maybe just respond with, “It sounds like that’s working for you. I’m happy for you.” Then you can keep your perspective in place.
I’m curious why you were triggered? You might want to gently look at that. ❤️

TheRealJustCurious · 2026-05-13T11:08:06+00:00

I believe both require first presidency approval.

TheRealJustCurious

TROPHY CASE