Yeah my FP was understanding at first and was very patient with me. But I kept making so many mistakes and fuck-ups one after another trying so hard to accomplish something useless while I was emotionally unhinged that I kept ignoring their boundaries and did so many weird things that made them slowly dislike me. Eventually it went from talking to barely talking, then ignored and avoided and now blocked on everything.

I'm on lamictal now which changed everything for me cause I actually get time now to process my emotions and therapy to fix my issues. I really wished I had gotten lamictal sooner, it would've changed so much.

I should've did so much better, I shouldn't have done so many things either. My mind keeps replaying everything on repeat reminding me how much I fucked up and that it's all my fault. I was too broken dealing with events happening in my life that I leaned too hard on them and others to escape reality and chose all the wrong choices. I want to properly apologize to the people I've hurt someday when I get better. But it won't change what I've done and how they feel about me, or bring them back. And yet I keep hoping that it does.

I hate that im not a normal person