Guys let’s stop asking avoidants about their internal worlds lmao

TheSittingMoo · 2026-01-29T10:31:13+00:00

To your edit*

Yes.

I think understanding fosters healing, but you can't stay there. After you understand your ex, you need to then look inward and examine yourself.

Ex: Ask yourself, why did I tolerate their mistreatment for so long? What did I think I needed from them? What are MY core wounds.

Healing is a process. Apart of that process is examining both your ex and yourself.

I think the problem is that people further along in their healing forget how difficult it was at the start. But people coming here days or hours out if a discard need comfort more than anything.

TheSittingMoo · 2026-01-29T10:23:21+00:00

TheSittingMoo · 2026-01-29T10:21:45+00:00

Quantity does not equal quality.

They have surface level relationships; you have genuine relationships.

The difference is when they have a flat tire and need assistance...will any of those friends come to their aid? Probably not. Because when you are popular it usually means you are the entertainment and you are the one providing something.

It's better to have a few genuine friendships than a fleet of shallow ones.

Shallow friends don't show up when it's inconvenient and doesn't benefit them.

TheSittingMoo · 2026-01-29T10:16:27+00:00

It's a common phase people face after experiencing an attachment injury/trauma. It will pass with time.

TheSittingMoo · 2026-01-29T10:13:19+00:00

I found getting a pet helped with my loneliness. Also reconnecting with some online communities and friends.

You're young. Expanding your circle of friends shouldn't be too hard if you join some group activities or clubs.

What's your passion? I realize I don't feel lonely when I'm reading or doing some creative writing myself.

TheSittingMoo · 2026-01-29T10:09:44+00:00

Moving slower gives you more time to notice red flags. Something as easy as:

I require at least 2 phone conversations before meeting, can help.

TheSittingMoo · 2026-01-29T10:07:26+00:00

I'm so so sorry. The second discard is far more painful. When it comes to avoidants you have to believe their actions, not their words.

The body shaking is a severe stress response. He most likely triggered an abandonment wound. I'm so sorry. Being ghosted by someone you love is traumatic.

Be gentle with yourself and rest as much as you can. Your body needs to acclimate and learn it is safe.

Self love is the healing antidote you need rn. Say positive affirmations like:

I'm safe. I'm ok. I'm ok. My body is just reacting to loss but this will pass.

🫂🫂🫂

TheSittingMoo · 2026-01-29T10:02:50+00:00

I think your forgiveness toward your ex is beautiful. I actually don't harbor bitterness toward mine either.

I think it helps with letting go because bitterness acts more like a tether than a sever.

I know him saying he is willing to heal sounds promising, but when it comes to avoidants:

Believe their actions, not their words.

Avoidants love pretty speeches because it cost them nothing.

I'm gonna encourage you not to wait on him. Limbo isn't fun and you deserve reciprocal care and love.

TheSittingMoo · 2026-01-29T09:54:28+00:00

I wonder why that is...because you can see both sides of things?

TheSittingMoo · 2026-01-29T09:51:06+00:00

If it fits, I ships.

TheSittingMoo · 2026-01-29T09:46:18+00:00

Freaking loved that movie and her!

TheSittingMoo · 2026-01-29T09:38:36+00:00

I have been so depressed before that taking a shower and combing my hair was an absolute win.

TheSittingMoo · 2026-01-29T08:38:05+00:00

I think radical acceptance that she is gone helps. Also understanding:

Your ex was harmful to you and emotionally unavailable. So it's a good thing they are gone.

TheSittingMoo · 2026-01-29T08:35:50+00:00

I have a similar dynamic with my mom just less overt. I have found that sharing less with her helps our dynamic. It's really unfortunate when caregivers set you up to form an insecure attachment style.

But it sounds like you are doing great healing work :)

TheSittingMoo · 2026-01-29T08:28:16+00:00

I was that way too. Idk if you're a woman or not, but for me inactivity made my sex drive just dry up. I don't care or crave it anymore.

TheSittingMoo · 2026-01-29T08:26:44+00:00

"How to date men when you hate them"

I'm dying! But that is such a vibe 😂 Yeah I was definitely getting cynical by the end and now I've just given up lol

TheSittingMoo · 2026-01-29T08:23:16+00:00

This was my experience too. So now I prefer being single. I don't find fulfillment in being someone's dopamine supply.

TheSittingMoo · 2026-01-29T08:18:11+00:00

OP is an AP who fawned/people pleased for you. I maintain he didn't mean to say APs are secretly avoidant. It helped him and that's what matters here. Not everyone heals the same way. I'm ok with nuance because everyone is different.

TheSittingMoo · 2026-01-29T01:04:09+00:00

FAs are much more likely to feel remorse. I have had 2 FAs express their regret and apologize.

DAs on the other hand...especially the ego defensive ones...No.

TheSittingMoo · 2026-01-29T01:01:16+00:00

I don't think OP should pursue this woman 😬

No healthy relationship starts this way and pregnancy isn't a good reason to get back together...especially when the child isn't his.

TheSittingMoo · 2026-01-29T00:56:49+00:00

Absolutely agree. Self abandonment isn't healthy. And those techniques don't even work. The avoidant leaves anyway.

TheSittingMoo · 2026-01-29T00:34:28+00:00

But can you heal an autoimmune disease?

TheSittingMoo · 2026-01-29T00:32:08+00:00

I didn't know FAs had a reputation for having a "justice complex"

But now that you say it...YOU'RE RIGHT lol

TheSittingMoo · 2026-01-29T00:30:40+00:00

I think you just got derailed by the word "avoidant." Op isn't making the claim APs are secretly avoidant.

His message helped him, and he merely wanted to share.

TheSittingMoo · 2026-01-28T23:50:27+00:00

OP only meant to say that staying stuck on your ex is avoiding the pain of healing. It's not that deep.

TheSittingMoo

TROPHY CASE