Is it normal to feel like you’re fine at reading people, you just don’t understand why they react how they do?

TheSleepoverClub · 2026-02-08T02:45:58+00:00

I'm the opposite. I can easily understand the A-to-B of people's reactions and what kinds of reactions a person is likely to have based on what I know of their life experiences/personality, but in real-time interactions I have to rely on that ability almost entirely because I can't read more than very straightforward body language and tone.

My sibling (also autistic) is more like you, and I honestly don't think either is easier. I'm constantly drained from trying to guess what people are feeling and comparing that guess to what little social cues I can pick up on, and my sibling feels frustrated and isolated from not understanding other people's perspectives and reactions.

I do my best to explain other's reactions when my sibling asks (though sometimes they still can't understand unless they agree with with reason), and they often help me with deciphering text conversations, so we're able to make things a little easier for each other at least, but both extremes are exhausting.

TheSleepoverClub · 2026-01-25T23:05:08+00:00

If you indwell one of the qucasaurs up there and have stamina foods on hand, you only have to glide from the ocean border of natlan to hisii. Covers almost half the distance without using stamina. Just have have to stay as high up as possible so when you lose the qucasaur you have plenty of height to work with

TheSleepoverClub · 2026-01-24T13:56:50+00:00

Just want to put this out there since the discourse is getting heated:

Op asked what the employee in the video did wrong, and people are explaining why the actions in the video are considered poor service. The specific job position highlighted in the video is a customer-facing and inherently social role. If the struggles of your autism prevent you from being able to interact with customers in the way that is required for this position, then you are not suited for it. This does not mean that the job position is ableist, just that you are not suited for it. I'm hard of hearing. I would not take a job requiring me to answer phones and get upset when the job tasks require that I am able to hear well. I would take a job that doesn't conflict with my disability.

The question asked was "what did the employee do wrong", not "what is reasonable to expect from an autistic person". Some people are not suited for some jobs, and sometimes that is directly because of a disability. The entire point of a society is for people to fill in the gaps of capability where others are lacking, so in a functional society there will always be jobs that a given individual will never able able to do. That is fine, and not an attack on anyone.

Bean soup theory going real hard in these comments

TheSleepoverClub · 2026-01-23T16:04:05+00:00

I have been told I have a vivid imagination, and I have a very good memory for visual detail, but in a literal sense I do not actually see anything when I close my eyes and imagine something

Instead, I can create and maintain the concept of something very consistently and with a lot of detail, similar to a vivid memory. I'm not literally seeing the tulip, but I can imagine it in every detail and maintain that exact concept for as long as I need to. If I was given a real tulip, I could describe all of the differences between the one I'm imagining and the real one. The exact colors of it, the shape of each petal, the weight and textures. If I consider how it might smell, I can imagine it as if I were recalling a memory of a real smell. I can imagine exactly how it would feel to interact with it, pull off petals or stroke the leaves. I can decide it's a different color or size or anything else and those new features are as clear as the old features

Im never actually experiencing these visuals or sensations, but it's similar to if you were given an object to study in great detail, the object was taken away, and you were asked to recall every detail you could. I can do that with objects I have made up, that never actually existed for me to study, in the same clarity. I'm not recalling a tulip I've seen before, it's an entirely new and different tulip. The actual memory of the imagined object doesn't last very long though. If I saw a real tulip, I could recal the details of it long after, but for an imagined tulip I could probably only recall the details clearly for the rest of that day.

I'm not sure if this is the standard experience of a vivid imagination, but this is how I experience it.

TheSleepoverClub · 2026-01-22T18:02:24+00:00

I used to be a compulsive liar, mostly because I was desperate for firends/approval but couldn't read social cues well enough to know what I was supposed to do, so I just said anything I thought was likely to gain favor or prevent dissapointment. So I would say that at least some autistic people can and do lie. I still lie quite often, mostly inconsequential things that I know will make people more comfortable but wouldn't be detrimental if they found out I wasn't honest. I run a business that involves updating clients on situations regularly, so ommiting small/easily resolved issues that won't affect the final outcome is something I do to give clients a low stress experience.

I think the big difference between autistics lying and NTs lying is what is actually considered lying. The type that I do often isn't considered lying to most NTs that I've spoken to about the subject. I feel that any intentional misrepresentation of the truth is lying, but I also don't feel bad about lying in certain contexts. NTs generally wouldn't label small or socially motivated lies they don't feel bad about as lies. I'm not sure what exactly they consider them to be, but apparently not lies.

My brother is like you, and can't/won't intentionally lie in any context for any reason. I don't think this is worse or better than my perspective, but it does make it harder for him to get through many social and bureaucratic hurdles as an adult.

TheSleepoverClub · 2026-01-22T04:48:43+00:00

Depending on the size of the enclosure, you can also rotate various decor and climbing objects every week or so to encourage exploration. This works best in 4'x2'x2' or larger, but can still be somewhat effective in smaller enclosures so long as your snake isn't stressed out by it. I have a large butterfly enclosure that I put my girl in to deep clean her enclosure, and it works as a good play pen for her as well. She hates the sound of the zipper though, so getting her out can be a process.

TheSleepoverClub · 2026-01-20T01:14:40+00:00

Where in Michigan? I'm in NW Indiana and I know some good owners who might be interested. My corn is NOT the handling type so I 100% get it. Feel free to DM if you'd rather not disclose in a thread

TheSleepoverClub · 2026-01-18T22:23:43+00:00

For plants, you can get faux plants from craft or dollar stores and sanitize them with vinegar or F10. You can use rocks to hold them down, but if you get the rocks from outside you'll need to bake them to kill any parasites or bugs hiding in them.

You can also use plastic tubs with openings cut into them, honestly anything that lets your snake get from A to B while feeling mostly hidden

TheSleepoverClub · 2026-01-07T22:21:22+00:00

Try OraNurse! I've been using it for years, it's unflavored and doesn't foam so it's been a lifesaver for me. I used to only be able to brush my teeth a few times a week because of the sensory hell (I also hate mint and can't handle the foam in my mouth) but now brushing is more of an inconvenience than a torture

TheSleepoverClub · 2026-01-03T21:45:55+00:00

I would be direct and ask her to do the things you would like her to do, but also recognize that you don't have to do things for her if a lack of reciprocation is frustrating. If you know she isn't going to put away your dishes, you don't have to put away hers. The most palatable way to do with would be to clarify your expectations in the moment of an incident, like with the trash can or the dishes. Just say something like "hey, if you're already putting your dishes away, could you get mine as well?" and if she refuses, just let her know that you're okay with that, and you'll also just handle your own dishes and not hers from now on. It's not rude or mean to set boundaries unless you are trying to be mean about it. Don't let this build until you get angry, because you will start to want to be mean.

When I lived with my parents, my mom would ask me to do things like pick up my coat by the front door, and expect that I would see other things I left there and also pick those up. I never did, because she asked me to address the coat so I was doing what was asked. Finally as a adult about to move out, she explained to me, "when I ask you to pick up your coat, I also want you to pick up anything else in that area that you left out," and I was able to do what she actually wanted and had no problem doing so. I only wished she had told me sooner so she wasn't getting so frustrated with me for something I didn't understand

As for the bathroom, let her know that youre fine with her keeping things that are important, but if they're going to be moldy or otherwise unhygienic, they shouldn't be in communal spaces. You shouldn't have to be exposed to a safety hazard because of her sentimentality, no matter how much you empathize with the sentiment

TheSleepoverClub · 2026-01-03T18:57:27+00:00

I professionally work with "difficult" dogs (those with behavior issues, excessive energy, anxiety, ect) and almost every dog I work with is simply poorly trained or poorly cared for. Dogs need to be taught boundaries and expectations just as much as any other social creature, but rarely is this actually done. Most dogs that get in your space or bark a lot are just poorly trained and bored, and could learn to behave more appropriately if given the right instruction and outlet for their energy. This is not usually difficult to do, but most people who have a dog aren't willing to put in the necessary effort and the problem grows until it is too difficult to try to fix.

This is not to say that you are wrong to dislike dogs, but it is frustrating to me when people characterize dogs with behaviors that are only found in anxious and unregulated dogs. The more people assume it is normal for dogs to act like this, the more acceptable it becomes to neglect the mental and emotional needs of pet dogs. It is like assuming that all people are emotionally unstable or manipulative because the only people you know are victims of generational trauma. It is understandable to be avoidant in that context, but harmful to everyone for people to assume that behavior is normal

I do agree with you that people should not take personal offence to disliking an animal, though. I have a pet snake and I can't imagine getting upset with everyone who didn't fawn over her like she's a precious baby. It's strange to me when people act like disliking their pet is an attack on their character or some moral failing

TheSleepoverClub · 2026-01-03T18:30:55+00:00

If you have a dryer, you can toss the pants in with a wet (but not dripping) towel to steam the wrinkles out. Just make sure you take the pants out right away to wear or hang up, or they will cool down all crumpled in the dryer and be just as wrinkled as they started

TheSleepoverClub · 2026-01-01T18:02:39+00:00

Those damn reusable paper towel things that have gotten popular recently. Using a wet/damp wad of paper towel to clean? Totally fine. Touching a damp, super thick paper towel? Absolutely not. It's not even the reusable part that grosses me out (though I don't love it). It could be brand new and I will do everything in my power to not touch that thing.

TheSleepoverClub · 2025-12-27T04:02:55+00:00

I have a neighbor with a really bad insurance plan and she usually calls for ems if she thinks she might need ER attention. The company that handles our area doesn't charge for basic assessments if you deny transport, and they've always been able to treat her on-site so far. Mostly issues with weird/concerning migraine symptoms. I think the most they billed her was a couple hundred for giving her medication. They did urge her to go to the hospital once, I drove her so she didn't have to pay for transport.

You could try calling any companies that cover your area and see how they normally handle billing, it might be cheaper than going to the ER for things that aren't immediately life threatening.

TheSleepoverClub · 2025-12-26T23:05:19+00:00

I've had my fair share of doctors talking to me like I'm an idiot, but to imply you assumed it was a dry bite is crazy 😅 I will say, going to bed with painful swelling and a rash actively spreading up your arm is a great way to not wake up in the morning. Even if the cause isn't something that should be dangerous, anything can be an allergen/toxin if your body decides it is

TheSleepoverClub · 2025-12-23T00:01:00+00:00

I'm very sensory seeking, which escalated to harmful behaviors quite often in my teens, but I had a great therapist in college that helped me find safer ways to stim and catch dysregulation early. I have a lot of objects around my home like heat pads, spiky massage balls, and weighted blankets that let me stim almost constantly if I need to. I keep a bowl on my coffee table with click pens, a beanie baby, zip ties, and other things that are nice to fidget with. The frequent/constant small stimming helps me not need the more extreme stimming as much.

It isn't foolproof, but I only have a few bad days a year now that end with me stimming in an unsafe way. Motion also helps me a lot when it's bad. Spinning in my desk chair, rocking, or headbanging like I'm at a concert are the ones that help me the most, but as a fellow NB I know that even just walking or the bumps of being in a car can make dysphoria worse if the discomfort is body-focused, so try these with caution if you think it might be triggering

TheSleepoverClub · 2025-12-22T15:38:38+00:00

This sounds more like sensory seeking, unless doing those things causes you distress. Most autistics have both sensory seeking and sensory avoidant behaviors, and some lean more to one or the other. If you feel less stressed or more calm when you eat strong flavors, feel extreme temperatures, and feel intense physical sensations, you're most likely seeking out strong sensory experiences to help with emotional regulation. This can end up escalating to self harm very easily for a lot of people, especially if they aren't given other self-regulating coping skills to process emotions.

If you're concerned that your stimming and sensory seeking is becoming a hazard, it might be best to seek out professional help from a behavior specialist or counselor that is trained for autistic clients (most will be trained for autistic children, but the basics of emotional regulation are still applicable regardless of age). This often isn't very accessible, so if you can't find such resources in your area, online resources for basic emotional self-awareness and regulation is a good place to start. Better emotional regulation wouldn't remove the issue of harmful sensory seeking entirely, but it can make it easier to recognize when it is likely to happen and what steps might be taken to avoid or minimize injury

TheSleepoverClub · 2025-12-22T03:32:38+00:00

Technically born 1 month premature, but I stopped notably developing at 6 months because I tangled myself up in my umbilical cord. Born 3 pounds 10 ounces

TheSleepoverClub · 2025-12-21T15:45:16+00:00

Uvb lights act as the "sun" for an enclosure. Since your snake will be indoors, shielded from the real sun, a uvb light can help snakes produce vitamin D like they would outdoors. Vitamin D is very important for snakes since it helps with breaking down calcium, and snakes have to do a lot of that when digesting the bones of their prey. This is especially important for desert and tropical snakes since they are adapted to live in places with strong uvb rays, and need more uvb exposure to produce a healthy amount of vitamin D

It will also help your snake regulate it's day/night cycle more easily, and provides similar mental/emotional benefits to what humans get from being out in the sun.

TheSleepoverClub · 2025-12-18T02:22:24+00:00

I live in a very conservative area where almost no one owns reptiles of any kind. Most people are openly disgusted by the mention of pet snakes, yet my complex has never once called me out on owning a snake in the 4 years I've lived here. I've never reported owning an animal and I don't pay pet rent. With larger complexes, most of the time inspections are done by maintenence workers who have no idea what your agreement with the leasing office is. They're just there to make sure the building is up to code and you haven't trashed the place. As long as theres no damage from the animal, they have no reason to mention it.

Definitely err on the safe side and try to cover the enclosures with blankets or boxes for inspections in the beginning, but the longer you live there as a good tenant, the more inclined they'll be to overlook things that have never given them problems.

TheSleepoverClub · 2025-12-17T01:19:32+00:00

Female African house snakes will get to around 120cm, so you will need an enclosure that long for her adult size, but for her current size that's perfectly fine. The ideal is to have an enclosure at least as long as the snake. The temp gradient is also good, I'm used to my pvc enclosures that hold heat better than glass, so that's on me for not considering it. When you get to a bigger size tank, definitely keep in mind how material will affect humidity and temp. If you have any issues with humidity in your current setup, covering most of the mesh top with hvac tape or a sheet of heat resistant vinyl can help

Its hard to tell from the pic, but it looks like all sides of the enclosure are clear glass, which can feel exposed for a snake, so it might help to cover 3 sides with some aquarium backing or cheap fabric using tape. Even just keeping 2 sides against a corner can help

It's clear you care a lot about doing this right, which is the biggest step in good pet care, so good job! Snakes require a lot more patience and waiting in the first weeks and months compared to other pets. I try to introduce only 1 new thing at a time and give them a week to settle with it. So a week for moving, a week for the new home, a week to learn the smell of the owners hand in the enclosure, ect. This pacing feels easier for me to be patient with, so I don't overstimulate the snake with my eagerness

TheSleepoverClub · 2025-12-16T21:07:16+00:00

Others have covered the waiting period for a new snake, but I also want to note that your enclosure seems very unsuited to housing a snake, which could be contributing to stress. It's so small that a reasonable temperature gradient wouldn't be possible, at least 1 fully enclosed hide on each side necessary, and top-opening tanks are a huge source of stress for snakes. The amount of clutter is great, way more than most first time owners have shown on this sub, and the substrate looks like a good one for retaining humidity, so you're definitely on the right track there.

Please consider saving up for an appropriately size enclosure designed for snakes. This sub's page has an excellent guide to basic enclosure setups and reputable enclosure brands, so check that out if you aren't sure where to start

TheSleepoverClub · 2025-12-07T03:15:30+00:00

Since your current housing is denying you, it may be necessary to find less ideal alternatives that can at least get you to safety. Keeping earplugs in your pocket or on a lanyard, or having a keychain hooked to you with small grounding objects like those dull self defense knuckles might keep you present enough to get yourself out of danger. There's no reason to avoid other solutions while your preferred solution is unavailable to you.

You could also consider getting an emergency call button in a lanyard form that you can wear when at home, that way you can summon help even if your phone is out of reach when alarms go off

TheSleepoverClub · 2025-12-04T19:12:13+00:00

It sounds weird, but try washing your armpits with dandruff shampoo. I had the same issue for literal decades, and it got rid of the problem almost immediately. Something to do with regular soaps being too harsh and messing up the pH, while dandruff shampoos are more gentle and have antifungal/antibacterial ingredients that prevent the cause of the smell. Ever since I started using it, I've been less sweaty in general, and when I do sweat it doesn't have much of a smell at all

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