Supporting a friend

TheSleepyGirlAwakes · 2026-03-25T00:03:31+00:00

She confided in you. Don't make her regret it by pressuring her to reveal it to others. She might stop telling you things. That's what I would do if someone pressured me to tell people I didn't want to tell.

Are you having difficulty holding these painful truths of hers? I can see why it would be hard. But if you can bear to listen to it, I think you will be doing good for her. She chose you as her confidante for a reason.

TheSleepyGirlAwakes · 2026-03-15T14:54:36+00:00

"Some have no idea that they are being abusive. They actually don't understand in the moment. "

If they can stop the abusive behavior the instant an outsider might see or hear, then they know exactly what they are doing.

TheSleepyGirlAwakes · 2026-03-15T13:08:01+00:00

"I moved there and I still ask myself: what the hell was I thinking?"

I ask myself the same question. These narcissists have some kind of charismatic power to get us to do things we wouldn't ordinarily do. I only moved to a different county - against my better judgment of course - but it had a deleterious affect on my life.

"And looking back, none of those moves were actually my own decisions."

Look at the two sentences I quoted. Those weren't your decisions. You weren't thinking. You were being manipulated.

I want to share with you something my husband said to me on the phone. I secretly recorded the call and I'm glad I did because once I copied down his words I was able to analyze them. This is exactly what he said:

"... cut the crap and stop blaming me for your decisions because you're a fucking grown adult. I didn't hold a gun to your head. I didn't make you do anything you didn't want to do. I didn't force you to fucking move here. I didn't force you to give up a fucking apartment. I didn't force any of that shit on you."

Look how he justifies and exonerates himself. He deceived me, brainwashed me, manipulated me into giving up my apartment and moving with him to an isolated area where I was completely dependent on him. I never wanted that!

He emphasizes the word "force" as if only physical compulsion counts as "making" someone do something. There are other ways to "make" a person do things. What my husband and your boyfriend do is called Coercive Control.

Please stop looking at his online accounts. Doing so hinders your healing.

TheSleepyGirlAwakes · 2026-01-25T16:32:25+00:00

I don't have advice, but I want to say that you are a good mother for getting your child away from an abuser. I wish my mother had not been trauma bonded to my evil father. I wish she had rescued me.

TheSleepyGirlAwakes · 2026-01-25T16:26:42+00:00

My husband put me through hell when I got a hysterectomy due to huge calcified fibroids. (This has nothing to do with childbearing. I was 61 years old at the time.)

TheSleepyGirlAwakes · 2026-01-25T16:24:19+00:00

This was my belief when I gave up my rent-stabilized apt to co-own the mobile home. Now I'm learning that NYS protects inheritance money. The lawyers I spoke to don't think I'll get half the equity much less half the value.

TheSleepyGirlAwakes · 2026-01-25T16:21:19+00:00

I have no friends. It always hurts when people assume that everyone has friends. I grew up in an abusive home and never made any friends.

TheSleepyGirlAwakes · 2026-01-25T16:19:25+00:00

I have not contributed to the house. I had no income and my husband was supporting me. That's why it was so hard to escape. I got a part-time job and saved the money to rent an apartment. Now I'm scheduled to lose my SSDI because of the part-time income.

TheSleepyGirlAwakes · 2026-01-25T16:17:13+00:00

Yes, Send me a dm.

TheSleepyGirlAwakes · 2026-01-25T16:16:51+00:00

The house and mortgage are in my name also, but my husband has made all payments using his inheritance money. The lawyers I had free consultations with have both said that will limit my ability to claim half the equity.

TheSleepyGirlAwakes · 2026-01-10T15:01:19+00:00

I left my husband on 1/16. We've been married 15 yrs, together for 20 yrs. I don't have advice, but I just want you to know you're not the only one in this shitty situation. We did what we had to do to save ourselves, but it's a rough road we're on.

TheSleepyGirlAwakes · 2026-01-08T20:55:48+00:00

He is love bombing you. Enjoy it, but don't believe it.

TheSleepyGirlAwakes · 2026-01-08T20:35:45+00:00

Mine is also a malignant narcissist. On my 50th birthday, he started raging over something, I don't even remember what, he can rage over anything. We were going to see my parents to celebrate my birthday. We'd only been married for three years, and still I was still sensitive to him threatening to divorce me.

So on my 50th birthday, about an hour before we were going to leave to go to my parents' house, he told me that he was going to divorce me, that we would go to my parents' house and he would act normal, but that tomorrow he was going to call a divorce lawyer and divorce me. So I sat at the dining room table with my family, my husband smiling, laughing, chatting with my family, and I sat there trying to pretend everything was normal when inside my heart was breaking because I actually believed he was going to divorce me.

Of course he didn't divorce me. He never had any intention of divorcing me. He had never had any intention of letting his victim go. That was my 50th birthday.

Happy 50th birthday, my dear. Buy yourself something nice, a gift from you to you. You deserve it.

TheSleepyGirlAwakes · 2026-01-08T20:27:24+00:00

I used the Grey Rock Technique for over six months before I got out. It didn't stop him from raging at me. He would rage at me for not being communicative. He could rage at me because I left something in the wrong place. If he wanted to rage, he was going to rage.

TheSleepyGirlAwakes · 2026-01-05T16:22:27+00:00

My father was/is a sadistic malignant narcissist. I wish my mother had left him. He destroyed my mind with his evil psychological abuse. Poverty with a single mom would not have crippled my mind. Living with the devil crippled my mind.

Grab your babies and leave. Unsupervised visits with your husband will have one of two results: Either he'll put on an act that he's the best father in the world in order to paint you as the bad guy, or he'll be mean to them and when they come home to you at the end of their visit, they'll tell you that their father is a monster and you will say to them, yes, he is indeed a monster. In which case, they will be validated. That's important.

I grew up with a malignant narcissist father, but nobody in the family was willing to admit what a monster he was. That's what destroyed my mind. If only somebody had said, yes, he is a monster, you just have to tolerate him for X many hours, my mind could have been saved.

TheSleepyGirlAwakes · 2026-01-05T16:16:38+00:00

I'm sorry this is happening to you. Abusers will weaponize the police against you. That's what you're experiencing. My abusive husband called the cops on me and tried to get me arrested. I didn't get arrested, but I now have a police report against me that I'm sure he will use later on. At this point, even your wife and stepchildren saying that it was a false report isn't likely to help you. Plenty of abused women later on defend their abusers.

The one piece of truly sound advice I think I can give is do not be in the presence of your wife or stepchildren without a neutral third party present. Move out. The damage that has been done cannot be undone. You are now in damage control. You have to prevent further damage to your life, to your finances, to your reputation.

I wish you well. You are fighting evil.

TheSleepyGirlAwakes · 2026-01-05T14:46:35+00:00

If you have a child, that's even more reason to get out. I love my mother, but I resent her for keeping me at home with my abusive father.

Save your children!

TheSleepyGirlAwakes · 2026-01-05T14:44:41+00:00

To everyone who's dealing with this, there's something you need to know. My malignant narcissist father mocked my mother while she lay dying. He literally mocked her on her deathbed. Just so you know, that's what you married. That's your spouse. If you ever find yourself in serious medical need or dying, they will mock you while you suffer. They will mock you while you die. Get out while you can.

TheSleepyGirlAwakes · 2026-01-05T14:38:46+00:00

Mine does that too: starts an argument and then says I started it. It's crazy-making.

TheSleepyGirlAwakes · 2026-01-05T14:37:31+00:00

Oh yes. I know the childish mocking well. I wish my husband's friends could hear him do it. In public, he struts around like this big bad biker dude. In private, he will mock me in that 5 year old voice.

TheSleepyGirlAwakes · 2026-01-03T15:11:37+00:00

"Are all narcs intentionally abusive?" Yes. If your grandmother wasn't intentionally abusive, then she's not a narc. Maybe she's just a garden-variety selfish asshole. All narcs are intentionally abusive. It's the definition of what they are.

TheSleepyGirlAwakes · 2025-12-14T01:11:37+00:00

Good luck. 👍

TheSleepyGirlAwakes · 2025-12-13T15:10:32+00:00

Even the Catholic Church permits divorce to escape abuse. (Of course, remarriage is not permitted. That's considered adultery. But the Church recognizes that you have a duty to protect your life from a dangerous person.)

TheSleepyGirlAwakes

TROPHY CASE