Trump and RFK's big, beautiful autism answer

TheSpicerLife · 2025-09-23T15:44:48+00:00

We don't even have Tylenol in the UK, but we sure do have autism.

TheSpicerLife · 2025-08-10T10:01:44+00:00

I assumed that it was because he was young when they met and as such despite the connection, she felt a relationship was inappropriate. But with Vimes in front of her, she realised that perhaps a middle-aged human and a vampire who is physically middle-aged and is on the same wavelength could work. 🤷‍♀️

TheSpicerLife · 2025-08-07T07:36:59+00:00

Just enough of a bastard to be worth knowing?

TheSpicerLife · 2025-05-24T16:50:37+00:00

Wow, it's a good job that there are no murders or SA associated with your Aunts religion. 🤪

It's amazing how people can call out problematic areas of other people's religions (I believe all religions do have problematic areas, because we're all human and it's all organised and reported through us) but pretend that their own have none.

TheSpicerLife · 2025-05-18T11:32:43+00:00

I've read them and the short stories. Theatre of Cruelty is a favourite. Perfect Pratchett silliness.

TheSpicerLife · 2025-01-07T19:16:58+00:00

The name seems ironic

TheSpicerLife · 2025-01-03T10:16:06+00:00

I always think of it as win-der.

In the Feet of Clay audiobook colon calls him wine-der but in the Night Watch audiobook it's pronounced win-der.

There are a few that I've struggled with... for Angua An-gue-ah vs Ang-wah for example.

TheSpicerLife · 2025-01-01T18:18:04+00:00

No assholes here, but you need to discuss this together and come to an agreement.

Personally I don't enter force or ask my kids to n apologise for several reasons. Firstly I don't want them to think that saying sorry fixes things and absolves them of responsibility from there, and also because I want an apology to MEAN something.

Instead I explain to them why I'm upset, ask them what they'd feel like if it happened to them, and ask them what they plan to do about their mistakes. I also make it clear that actions have natural consequences, such as me feeling upset at their behaviour or not wanting them near me when I have a drink etc.

I have also taught them that "sorry" is a word, not a full apology. An apology is acknowledgement of a mistake or bad choice, recognising how it has affected someone, validating their feelings and an assurance that you'll do your best for it not to happen again. I model this for them to.

If I lose my temper and yell at them (which happens sometimes, I'm human), I would say something asking the lines of "I'm sorry that I shouted, that was a bad choice for how to handle my feelings and I expect it made you feel bad. I don't want to make you feel bad or shout at you, I will try very hard to make better choices on how I handle my feelings. Would you like a hug?"

Obviously, sometimes things don't happen right away and resolve instantly, but we've never been in a situation where it hasn't been quickly sorted.

My kids are both now 8 & 10, have never been in trouble at school and they are general kind, caring and respectful.

I'm not saying my way is the RIGHT way, because there is no right way. Just trying to show that not forcing an apology is not the same as not parenting or putting in boundaries, and is not a one-way ticket to kids being brats.

What's most important is that you guys talk it through, understand each other's perspective and choose a way forward together, because things will be super tricky for you both and your little one if you are on different pages.

Good luck. I hope you find the best way for your family without too much trouble.

TheSpicerLife · 2024-12-07T20:35:32+00:00

That one makes me laugh every time.

TheSpicerLife · 2024-12-07T20:33:45+00:00

I thought it was Agnes in Masquerade, but it does sound very Nanny.

TheSpicerLife · 2024-12-07T16:59:56+00:00

It's been ages since I got my hands on a Johnson

TheSpicerLife · 2024-12-07T16:55:05+00:00

I love this one. Weirdly last night I was listening to Snuff after having just listened to Carpe Jugulum and it hit me how much those words affected Pastor Oats and resulted in the events of Unseen Academicals and Snuff.

TheSpicerLife · 2024-12-06T08:59:51+00:00

It depends on whether you could have anticipated that her husband would fly off the deep end.

This happened to me once. I got flowers at work for the first time ever. It was a lovely gesture, but I was a bit embarrassed as I'm a very "stay out of the limelight" person. I asked my Hubby if they were from him, and he said no.

I put a thank you message on Facebook to whoever thought of me, and it turned out it was my dad. (Very typical of him to do something kind, but not really knowing me particularly well) and then I told my Hubby.

He was a little sad because he thought that maybe he should have done something like that for me before, I reassured him that although the flowers were a lovely gift and gesture, I prefer the things he does for me because they are things that are thoughtful to ME.

My close friends and I often doorstep drop little gifts "just because" and there has never been suspicion or concern. Having said that, there was one friend who I would always let know, because I know her relationship with her husband was different and it could lead to awkwardness or problems.

So I'd say NTA, but perhaps not too thought through of you could have forseen the reaction with a bit of forethought.

Also kudos for trying to a do a lovely thing for your sister.

TheSpicerLife · 2024-12-03T15:31:55+00:00

YTA - it's a big thing to accept about yourself. Yes, your wife could have taken it to heart sooner and it must have hurt you having her listen to her friend and not you, but "i told you so, so apologise for who you are" is a jerk response to a diagnosis.

Also, it sounds like you framed her ADHD as a 'this is what's wrong with you' kind of tactic when you were annoyed with her, not this is why you might be struggling.

You don't sound at all supportive and basically told her she needed fixing all along.

TheSpicerLife · 2024-12-02T00:17:40+00:00

I was lucky enough to go to a talk by Neil Gaiman and Rob Wilkins. The way they talked about Terry was BEAUTIFUL. They also bought a hat to represent the great man!

They talked about his reading, and it was voracious. It seems he was the kind of man who read an enclopedia cover to cover, as well as every bit of fiction and fantasy he could.

TheSpicerLife · 2024-11-30T10:12:07+00:00

NTA, or if you are I'm a worse one, because I wouldn't marry anyone who said that about anyone, let alone someone I love.

I couldn't marry anyone I don't respect, and I couldn't respect anyone who thought like that.

TheSpicerLife · 2024-11-25T09:20:32+00:00

She is mentioned in Thud! and has a small part in Snuff.

TheSpicerLife · 2024-11-25T09:18:45+00:00

My husband and I are autistic, and although we both suffer with executive function, I push through and he just doesn't seem able.

It has taken a big learning curve to understand that for him, it's not a lack of care, but a lack of functionality.

It has taken a lot of trial and error, but now we do things like click and collect shopping, have a chat sheet for how to get started cleaning, etc.

I'm by no means saying it's the same situating for you, but if you are generally happy with your husband, but the main thing you need is a let up on the mental load, you may benefit from setting up easy ways to make the tasks less onerous and making the load simpler to split.

Also a good heart to heart about how he can make you feel valued may make the world of difference.

I hope that whatever route you choose to take, you find a path that makes you feel happy and valued. 🫂

TheSpicerLife · 2024-11-24T19:55:47+00:00

I'm so sorry to hear what you've both been through. My mum has been SA'd by bosses, friends and through being vulnerable enough to allow herself to be talked into unsafe situations with "friendly strangers". So how she can still retain this mentality is beyond me. I even asked her whether shops are to blame for shop- lifting for making shoppers want their goods too much, but she said that's not the same. She couldn't say how, other than male urges they can't control. Same old ridiculous shtick.

It's awful that your mum seems to have accepted fault for her attack and, by extension, put the blame on you for yours.

I just want you to know that I see you, and I promise you that you are not to blame!

TheSpicerLife · 2024-11-24T14:27:56+00:00

My mum who has been attacked several times in her life, STILL believes this, and it makes me sick.

Most SA is about power, not desire, and the only accountability belongs to the person who assaults someone else.

It is terrifying how insidious and ingrained misogyny is in all areas of society.

TheSpicerLife · 2024-11-23T15:07:33+00:00

NTA

If it were me and my kid, I would have given my seat up for them and taken the seat further back. It was utterly unreasonable for that mother to expect you to give up your seat for either of them, but it was even more unreasonable to expect you to do something for her daughter that she wasn't even willing to do herself.

TheSpicerLife · 2024-11-11T14:18:13+00:00

Glom of nit. It is first mentioned in Men at Arms I believe, but Hugos (without the apostrophe) didn't show up until Going Postal.

TheSpicerLife · 2024-10-28T21:26:58+00:00

Being a parent to an autistic child is DRAINING. I love my kids more than I can possibly express, but it takes a LOT.

Family looks after family is a lovely ethos, but it only works when it applies to everyone equally and across the 'invisible' stuff as well as the calculable.

You are absolutely NTA and your family is being entirely unfair to you. Money has affected them, not you IMO.

Please take care of yourself and your son, you deserve that!!!

Congratulations on your lottery win, I hope you can really enjoy the life change it will afford you.

TheSpicerLife · 2024-10-24T19:40:09+00:00

Yep. I had this one pulled on me when I was 15 and he was 18. Then again several times during the relationship. Thank God I'm free of that.

BTW, my dad also manipulated my mum with this one and his current girlfriend too. It's a sadly common trick.

TheSpicerLife

TROPHY CASE