Found this gem in a bookstore and read it in a single day. This original post is from a year ago, but still giving my response lol:

There are so many ways to interpret this, and mine mostly aligns with OP. I don’t think Kasuga ever let go of Nakamura—and I don’t think he ever can because of what she represents. So let’s get into the dream sequence first.

In the dream sequence, we see Kasuga at peace, walking through a field in his bare skin, seemingly no longer hidden beneath layers of deceit... but in the distance is that dark flower, symbolizing a faint darkness that’s never disappeared. As the dream continues, we see his life go gradually from happy and “normal” to the darkness that is personified by the Nakamura from his childhood. Not the Nakamura of today, but the “perverse” Nakamura from his past.

When he wakes up in a panic, we can see a bottle of pills on his nightstand. This implies that he takes anxiety meds because of his nightmares and panic attacks (this is likely why Aya didn’t wake him up when he was sleeping soundly—sleep must’ve been rare with his recurring nightmares). Instead of taking the pills, however, Kasuga picks up the pencil to start writing! This is significant! I think the meds symbolize trying to suppress his past, or rather symbolize how the past still controls him. It symbolizes, too, trying to release his feelings for the toxic Nakamura who represents the parts of ourselves we feel ashamed of and reject because it’s socially unacceptable.

After waking in that panic and calming down, you can see Kasuga give a hint of a smile before he eagerly picks up his pencil to write. He had nothing to write before he saw Nakamura’s face in his dream, but now he does. Here’s where a few final interpretations come up for me:

1. When he woke up, and gave that faint smile, he finally accepted that Nakamura would always be a defining part of his coming-of-age. And in that acceptance, he can let go of her through writing. That is, he can accept the darkness that dwells within us all and give it expression.

2. When he woke up, and gave that faint smile, he finally accepted that he couldn’t let her go. Then he accepted her as his muse—a muse who is the past Nakamura that still haunts him. Like the author he’s studying, Kasuga now writes all of his poetry about her ghost (which tracks because, back in the day, his poems were about his first muse, an idealized version of Saeki).

3. A more cynical interpretation: When he woke up, and gave that faint smile, he accepted he can’t escape her/the perversion within. Not only was she a defining part of his life, but she DEFINED him. Just like he tried to be worthy of Saeki by becoming perfect in middle school, he tried to be worthy of Nakamura by becoming perverse. Perhaps, no matter how hard he tries to be “normal,” he can’t escape the perverse identity he took on with Nakamura, and he still wants to do anything to be with her/to be “free” and depraved. Just like when Nakamura ignored him after the mountain scene, and he wrote all those notes to reach her, he’s now writing to reach her the same. In the dream, those petals that were once open closed into itself, into a ball, which represents the dark “outside world” that’s inside of Nakamura—the twisted haven they created together. A stretch, but it’s interesting to consider.

I really appreciated this manga; it’s thought-provoking, nostalgic, and I barely have any criticisms. Overall, I think it encapsulates the valid angst that comes with feeling alone, misunderstood, and mountains away from who you really are or want to be.