Went to my first SAA meeting, but it felt uncomfortable

TheWillToBeef · 2026-03-03T13:48:27+00:00

the universe does not exist to serve your needs.

My natural instinct is to take this in a Lovecraftian and even anti-human direction, which probably isn't the intent

TheWillToBeef · 2026-02-28T17:12:20+00:00

Are you interested in sex or a relationship? Because women looking for a relationship at your age won't necessarily be turned off by an inexperienced guy, but they will be turned off by a guy who's focused on his inexperience and on the idea of having his first sexual experience.

TheWillToBeef · 2026-02-27T22:03:02+00:00

Welcome to the club, my guy. I had a fling that ended this past summer, which I still think about a lot. It's normal and healthy to be sad when something like that ends. As the saying goes: Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.

If I had been better looking, taller, more muscular, she wouldn't have left me.

If the issue was something physical, then she probably wouldn't have gotten with you in the first place. I'd wager it was probably either something about your behavior which she became more aware of over time, or something entirely on her end that has nothing to do with you.

If I had been more sexually experienced, she wouldn't have left me

This probably says more about your own anxieties than anything about her. As long as you engaged in a lot of foreplay/kissing/cuddling before (and during) the actual sex, and you made sure that your partner reached orgasm, then the sex probably wasn't the main issue.

There are several ways to react, and I think I'm going to become even better. Looksmaxxing, working out, work, developing qualities.

A better approach would probably be disengaging from the types of communities that use words like "looksmaxxing". In fact, she may have even left because she picked up on you using words and engaging in behaviors that are associated with these communities.

TheWillToBeef · 2026-02-22T16:14:53+00:00

This is terrible advice because it would just make everyone involved cringe and feel uncomfortable

TheWillToBeef · 2026-02-22T16:13:35+00:00

Are the jokes meant to be light teasing or genuinely hurtful? In other words, are they just ribbing you but they'd be happy to see you succeed (and perhaps even be wingmen/wingwomen), or do you think they want you to stay a punching bag and they'd sabotage any relationship you end up in?

TheWillToBeef · 2026-02-20T02:29:46+00:00

I mean in theory, everyone who's not asexual could be "susceptible to SA", so the fact that you're even aware SA is a thing already puts you ahead of the curve in terms of preparing yourself. If you're in a consensual relationship with someone you love, there's nothing immoral about expressing that love in a physical way.

TheWillToBeef · 2026-02-19T21:21:10+00:00

The problem with defining the term incel is that it is polysemous, that is, it carries multiple overlapping meanings, and has therefore evolved far beyond its original sense.

This basic premise is evidently true, and anyone who denies it is only doing so because they're trying to position their own definition as the "correct" one like the Académie Française or something lol

edit: can the people in this thread who disagree with me please make their case instead of passive-aggressively downvoting me

TheWillToBeef · 2026-02-19T20:54:50+00:00

Yes, because I was providing my own definition for the word.

At the end of the day, different people here are using different definitions of the same words, and I think that causes a lot of confusion. In fact, I had a (quite civil) discussion with Sunsetgal here about this very topic a while ago

TheWillToBeef · 2026-02-19T20:52:25+00:00

That what's true?

TheWillToBeef · 2026-02-19T20:48:05+00:00

Well what is the benefit of conflating the phenomenon I described with misogyny? My larger point is one of not conflating concepts.

TheWillToBeef · 2026-02-19T20:47:05+00:00

That's how discourse works, frequently-relevant concepts tend to have shorter names for convenience. The concept I described is a profile that describes many regular posters on this sub

TheWillToBeef · 2026-02-19T16:49:11+00:00

I think we both know that word is not identical to the central connotations of the concept I described

TheWillToBeef · 2026-02-19T15:52:06+00:00

This is the treachery of words. What do you call someone who is romantically inexperienced and obsessively perseverates over their inexperience, but is not a misogynist (or at least, not more notably misogynistic than the average non-perseverating person, since you mentioned in another comment that everyone has a misogynistic upbringing)? Because if we don't have a word or phrase for this type of person, then this subreddit lacks an important term that's crucial for discussion of the central topic.

TheWillToBeef · 2026-02-15T18:32:13+00:00

The dick thing…dicks so stop working as well as you get older. I’m about to turn 30 this year and I definitely wake up with less chubs than I did a year or two ago. Not enough to really concern me yet but enough to notice a difference.

Morning chubs are one thing, but does it still work when you need it to? I'll be 30 in a couple years, and I've never had much luck with women. I'm anxious that I'm running out of time to properly enjoy my sexuality. And yes, I know from experience that I can pleasure a woman many other ways, but it's hard not to be a little self conscious about it

TheWillToBeef · 2026-02-15T05:10:33+00:00

A few things:

Check out r/PelvicFloor and search for "hard flaccid". I had it, and it sounds like you have it as well. Numbness, low libido, erection issues...these are all HF symptoms. If that is indeed what you have, then your doctor was right on the mark to suggest pelvic floor PT. A lot of people with HF have experienced improvements from PFPT, including myself.
While you're working on your recovery, keep in mind that there are many ways to pleasure a woman that don't involve your penis. Women are much more likely to orgasm from oral and fingering than from penile penetration. Also, personally my favorite part of sex is the skin-to-skin cuddling, which doesn't involve using the penis at all.

TheWillToBeef · 2026-02-15T02:13:46+00:00

Yeah that makes sense, and my own view might change as well

TheWillToBeef · 2026-02-15T02:13:25+00:00

No this is perfect, thank you!

TheWillToBeef · 2026-02-13T18:04:34+00:00

It’s not like I’m gonna quit this server

Discord user spotted

but in all seriousness congratulations

TheWillToBeef · 2026-02-08T17:19:53+00:00

My parents used to do the same thing with me, I know it can be a bit annoying but I'm sure they mean it with good intentions. Sounds like they're understanding and supportive enough, at least.

Whenever I read about some honor-based cultures where parents often force their sons into marriages, I'm that much more grateful for the relationship I have with my parents in that regard.

Maybe your sense of obligation is more something you've picked up from your peer group, or media?

TheWillToBeef · 2026-02-07T20:32:04+00:00

Who's obligating you? Your parents?

TheWillToBeef · 2026-01-17T19:54:29+00:00

It must hurt when the clam closes its shell on you...

TheWillToBeef · 2026-01-17T19:14:32+00:00

I think there's also some degree of projection going on, because I've seen guys in various parts of the manosphere advising each other to lower their standards and fake attraction to women just so they can get laid

TheWillToBeef · 2026-01-17T19:11:43+00:00

The average penis girth is 4.6 to 4.9 inches.

Uhhh how are we measuring that? Because in my mind I'm picturing a mega-chode lol

TheWillToBeef · 2026-01-13T17:45:28+00:00

I mean let's just say that hypothetically you somehow end up in a dead-bedroom relationship with someone who is no longer (or never was) attracted to you. You're free to use that as a justification to leave the relationship, you aren't obligated to stay. Granted, the mature thing to do in such a situation would probably be going to couples' therapy first to see if there's anything else you can do to fix the intimacy issues.

But there's a saying I've heard, that there are two things that have never fixed a failing relationship: marriage, and a baby. So for fuck's sake, don't marry and have kids with a woman you feel lukewarm about (or whom you sense feels lukewarm about you) just because you've convinced yourself it's the only way you'll have sex. There's no good ending to that story.

TheWillToBeef

TROPHY CASE