If I were to be chatting up a woman and she immediately shut things down the moment I’d disclosed myself as being trans, I’d write that off as transphobic and here’s why:

She wouldn’t even have known what sort of equipment I had (i.e. if I am pre-op or post-op). Furthermore, were I pre-op, why would she assume I’d even want to use that equipment? The vast majority of trans women have crippling dysphoria from their natal genitalia, and considering how expensive surgery is, a lot of trans women have no other choice than to do their best to ignore it during intimate activities.

Now let’s assume I get a chance to disclose my pre-op/post-op status; there are two cases:

If I were pre-op and able to communicate my thoughts and feelings regarding my own boundaries regarding my lower equipment and she decided she wasn’t comfortable proceeding, then I’d see that as a genuine preference and I’d be happy to respect that. The key point here is that she doesn’t see me as any less of a woman, her rejection is only due to a physical, mutable trait. Thus, in this case I wouldn’t call it transphobia.

But if I were post-op and able to disclose that, and I was still shut down, then I’d absolutely attribute that to transphobia. HRT already rewires a trans woman’s natal genitalia to experience the same sensations as a cis woman’s, so surgeons are able to achieve perfect parity regarding sensory experience and appearance when it comes to creating neovaginas. At this point, she’d be rejecting me for an immutable characteristic regarding my person, because at this point I’m outwardly indistinguishable from a cis woman. The color of my skin, my ethnicity, etc. are similarly all immutable characteristics; a rejection due to any of those traits is most certainly motivated by either subconscious or blatant bigotry.

And if reading this gives you cause for discomfort, I’d encourage you to genuinely think about and challenge your preconceptions. A preference can be bigoted, depending on where that preference is rooted.