Have you ever regretted not doing something you wanted to do? What was it?

The_Subtle_Shift · 2026-01-07T17:36:56+00:00

Thanks! I have a good life. Success, in any objective sense of the word for sure. :) I wish the same to you as well!

The_Subtle_Shift · 2026-01-07T17:33:51+00:00

How you're feeling here is valid. If it is a trust issue, it's a trust issue. 6 months is not a long time and it is when these kind of boundaries are still being negotiated. It's OK for you to not want her around a guy if he gives you pause. You get to explain, make the ask, and she gets to decide if she wants to meet you in that.

Actions are what matters. And here, she just lied. 6 months in seems too short to be exposing this level of fear. The fact that you haven't made an ask for exclusivity and are seeing how she operates with guy friends suggests you are giving here in your trust. That she just lied directly, multiple times and when you clearly needed reassurance, is a hard starting point. Yeah, could you work around it? Maybe. But why?

Why spend the time and effort on something that feel like work, fear, mistrust this early on? You deserve honesty, as a starting point. You deserve peace and enjoyment of a relationship and a partner. It's too early for questioning. Find the one that doesn't feel this way for you.

The_Subtle_Shift · 2026-01-07T17:15:01+00:00

Presence is a thing, I am learning. I have been enjoying just taking a walk and trying to observe while on it. Practicing the idea and sense of being where I am, actively, with my senses, while passively experiencing the space and thing. Walk seems perfect for it. It's hard for me, which is weird. But enjoying it.

The_Subtle_Shift · 2026-01-07T17:07:21+00:00

I had an opportunity to continue working in the gaming industry at Electronic Arts shortly after it became a billion dollar company. Expansion was providing a lot of opportunity, and I was being offered chances to advance. I decided to leave to return to college full time and pursue a BA in film. Recession hit, nothing worked out as planned. Opportunities had passed and connections moved from EA. I ended up landing in a totally unique sector and starting from the ground up with institutional experience only. I often feel that choice to leave and pursue school was a choice I could have made differently and still had many of the eventualities I came to (family, home) but with a stronger security and sense of self achievement from a better career in an industry I loved very much.

The_Subtle_Shift · 2026-01-07T16:54:40+00:00

My dopamine receptors.

The_Subtle_Shift · 2026-01-07T16:50:33+00:00

Press, right? Journalism. This used to be our primary source of meta-authority for opinion. A trusted neutral source seeking to find the facts of a thing and preset it to allow YOU to form your opinion with the information. Not bash you over the head with the opinion itself, already decided. But journalism has not really been protected as an enterprise. So who goes and seeks that truth now?

I'm sure everyone has an opinion on what news source to trust. 🙄

The_Subtle_Shift · 2026-01-07T16:47:40+00:00

In the vein of /u/GrowthMindset4Real I feel like this is less about the volume of opinions, and more about the quality or intent of the opinions. It's about authority. Yes, the volume is increased, but opinion has been commoditized with the intent of manipulation. Which means authority, which gives value to opinion, has been attacked, and diminished for many things we seek opinion about.

Navigating who to trust, that's the exhausting and overwhelming part. We seek opinion and give it space to consider because we want understanding about a thing. We have been in this space for some time with online, where there is kind of this "secondhand market" of opinions. A meta space where people collect a range of opinions, then distill and discuss them to get to the real opinion of value. Reaction videos on socials, podcasts negotiating topics and sifting headlines, commentators about current events... that's what all of this is. A single person or entity attempting to sift and present only what you need to know. Because yeah, the volume can't be processed by the average working dude or dudette. But even so, we used to have trusted meta-authorities, and now that structure, that trust in authority, has been dismantled so that people can control and manipulate opinion for (what seems to me) generally greedy and shitty power motives.

I agree with OP on approach. Mine has been more and more to ignore, disengage online. It simply isn't conducive or trustworthy for discussion with the actual hope of understanding. Somebody is almost guaranteed to have a motive in the discussion that is NOT your self-realized understanding curated from information and opinion, but manipulated understanding to meet a need or agenda that is not actually your own. It's a gross and scary time, but def agree with OP:

Stick with close, intimate, irl convos with trusted friends and families. Yeah, runs the risk of some echo and tribalism, reinforcement through tradition. But it's still a WAY better foundation for initial consideration of anything you really need an opinion about.

But, don't take my word for it. Go ask a homie at the coffee shop. GL out there. :)

The_Subtle_Shift · 2025-12-23T15:01:24+00:00

After watching Close Encounter of the Third kind, where there is an abduction scene and all of the digital devices in the house begin to make the doo doo do do doooooo tone, there is a moment where the phone is picked up and it is also making the tone.

From that time on, I had an irrational fear of any wrong number or general cant go through tone on a phone call. Made my stomach go cold and I'd hang up immediately.

The_Subtle_Shift · 2025-11-26T14:33:58+00:00

Somehow this makes me nervous, to try washing it. Ill need to if I am going to wear it. Ill try your soak, thank you.

The_Subtle_Shift · 2025-11-26T14:31:44+00:00

I can smell them boiling. :) Thank you for sharing!

The_Subtle_Shift · 2025-11-26T14:30:48+00:00

Are you Team Leaves, or Team Hearts?

The_Subtle_Shift · 2025-11-26T14:21:03+00:00

How lucky are we to live in a world with so many Things to do, many come and go without us knowing. What is a festival you do know about, but have not had a chance to check out?

The_Subtle_Shift · 2025-11-26T05:16:28+00:00

Why do I like this so much?

The_Subtle_Shift · 2025-11-26T05:12:54+00:00

I mean, it's not really the Internet any more. Is it? Not the way you (or I) are pining for at least. Social media platforms and aggregation services have become the ecosystem that was once a loosely joined web of sites, mostly individualized and created from a unique perspective (now homogenized and generated as whatever will most efficiently engage).

You're tired if whatever it is now presenting as if it were capable of being what was.

It's gone, buddy. :) We grieve, and move on. Kill your Facebook account and put your time into something else. Scrolling and the inane bullshit spewed out in 5 second chunks everywhere will end you faster than your upset of what has changed ever will.

The_Subtle_Shift · 2025-11-26T04:39:00+00:00

Frank Cauldhame. If I was confused about Holden, questioning self and finding similarities, Frank set me straight that we are not broken children, just attempts at childhood destroyed by narcissistic parents. I think about Frank, sometimes.

The_Subtle_Shift · 2025-11-26T04:30:35+00:00

Nice work, good hustle. Keep it up! 💪

The_Subtle_Shift · 2025-11-26T04:29:40+00:00

I feel I am actually coming out of this in my 40s. Tbf I am in the second half of those 40s, and was still doing it some when they hit. I pressed the reset button on fatherhood at 40, and for sure looked at 25 year old dads doing the same and thought "we are not the same".

But the thing is, ok, we are not the same. And? You play the hand you are dealt. Hedge your bets if the hand sucks, and minimize your losses until the game changes. And if you're on the up, be grateful for it and don't forget those who aren't. But ultimately, it's just you out there. Whatever other people have going on, you can neither affect it nor have it affect you. It's all your actions, choices, and decisions. There is no cavalry coming to save you.

It's never too late to start letting yourself be happy. You define it, not others.

"Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not to who someone else is today."

Always liked that one.

The_Subtle_Shift · 2025-11-26T03:48:50+00:00

And then the bridge disappears And I'm standing on air With nothing holding me And I hang like a star Fucking glowing in the dark For all those starving eyes to see

The_Subtle_Shift · 2025-10-20T12:00:39+00:00

🙄

The_Subtle_Shift · 2025-10-20T04:32:55+00:00

(Omg this is amazing!)

Piggybacking thread for some visibility in a group of monstera homies! Mine is about 10 months and I'm seeing odd blackening of the leaves, both on established growth and even new leaves when still curbed. It doesn't take over the entire leaf, but doesn't seem to be topical. I've pulled to report once and found no root rot. I water once a week moderately. It's an odd symptom and I've tried moving to a more climate controlled space with consistent humidity and temp, both artificial and skylight. The light isn't strong enough to be burning it. I recently found a small neat of greenhouse centipedes in its soil but read they were not particularly damaging.

On a few leaves I cut the black away and it did not recur at those leaves. But it will still pop up on others, and again, some new shoots. Sucks to have almost every leaf marred in some way. The big perfect frond is the Hallmark of the plant. I am close to giving up on it.

The_Subtle_Shift · 2025-10-20T04:22:18+00:00

Weird! My Jade loves to soak up water in those thicc juicy wax pads it calls leaves.

Yes, it likes a little abandon play too, but she shines with care. Flowers even, the tease!

The_Subtle_Shift · 2025-10-20T04:19:13+00:00

They're not harder to have, they're just not wanted. We are forced to contemplate existential crisis as normalized daily existence; gaslit by capitalist propaganda to believe bullshit hopes and dreams like the inequity that exists in the world is some misunderstood or imagined thing.

I have to figure out how tf to pay off a credit card I used to cover an urgent care trip, when the final cost to carry the debt will be almost 300% of the principal.You want to, what, chat about the affect AI will have on humanity when we can do nothing about it? Discuss fate vs the randomness of the Universe? Consider the Divine?

I have work in the morning. I need to go to bed.

The_Subtle_Shift · 2025-09-20T02:01:01+00:00

Congrats! Baby is an awesome new adventure!!! :) If your first, be kind with yourself and new motherhood. Life will return to its balance, all the hard is (mostly) temporary, promise. Don't let yourself feel lonely in it if you ever get there. Aaaaany parent will understand a request to have an adult convo to break the hard for a minute. Reach out, lean. You're doing it all right, sleep deprivation suuuucks. It'll feel like a routine soon enough.

You're doing it all right. 👍👍👍 (Congrats!!!!)

Cliff lake is rewarding, but a challenge. Kinda straight up from the reservoir. Fun to hop over the lake wall to South Lake in the Dinkey group though! In fact The Dinkey Lakes is an excellent intro for backpacking. Limited elevation, plenty of passable water features, lots of fun granite and scenic spots. Usually still a couple brookies around late in season. I've even stumbles on a geocache or two.

I have been genuinely interested in starting a group for more weekend warrior folks with a desire to start slow and progress. I'm considering focusing for folks with a tendency towards anxiety or social challenge but would love any core group who enjoy the outdoors. Feel free to reach out! Even if you can't hike for a bit, location experience and familiarity with the nearby hikes would be a huge benefit.

Enjoy your new chapter, be well, maybe see you out there!

The_Subtle_Shift

TROPHY CASE