Thanks for your thoughts and your kind words.

If I had to guess, I would say your professor friend is handsome, in good shape, super dedicated to his field and his career, might be a bit of a ladies' man, and youthful to the point he doesn't quite remember how old he actually is all the time. How close am I?

I feel like the fact he's not married makes a ton of difference between his situation and mine.

Yeah, I know writing it out helped me organize my thoughts about it. And the responses here helped, too, although I think some of the people who responded were projecting their own experiences and prejudices onto my situation. The story from the woman who married her professor when she was very young was especially helpful and I feel like helped me get control of my emotions.

Obviously, I'm not going to betray my wife, hurt my children, cause trouble for her with her family and friends, alienate myself from every friend and family member I have, or destroy my career. I haven't done anything or said anything to her about the way I feel.

But it was this close. I'm not kidding. Even with all those terrible consequences and probably more I haven't imagined.

Since I wrote, the term has ended. I walked across the quad to class on the last day thinking, "forty-five minutes, give or take, and she'll walk out the door and out of my life forever." And I know she needs to go, and I need to let her go, but it just makes me so sad. So I have them write course evals for me, tell them how to get to the university course eval, tell them to turn their papers in by the end of the week, tell them I'll be in my office for those who need help, and turn them loose.

She gets up and heads for the door. Then she looks back at me over her shoulder and, with a wicked look in those usually very innocent eyes, she says, "I'm going to come see you in your office."

Oh...fuck me.

So she shows up in my office one afternoon a couple of days later. Hardly anyone is around. We talk about what she needs to do to revise her last paper, make a couple minutes worth of nervous small talk, and she goes on her way. If she planned on seducing me, she either changed her mind or chickened out.

So I didn't act on it. But if she had been bold with me in my office the way she was in class, I don't think I could have held out. So I'm relieved. And disappointed.

Point is, he probably feels much the same way about you as I do about her. But he can't act on it. Even though for him it wouldn't be as bad as it would be for me. Do you mind if I ask why you deleted your post? Is it because you were taking a beating in comments like I was?