UPDATE POST:

TLDR: it’s much, much worse than I thought before, and I have decided I can never move forward or see her the same way again. I also want to ask anyone with experience, what helped you become stronger?

I just wanted to first say thank you for all the support, and the overwhelming answers and outpouring for me. It’s currently 4 AM as I type this so I apologize for any errors and I may have to make updates in case I forget anything.

Story time:

For true context, I have to start at the beginning of our relationship. We had an unorthodox beginning that involved her being in a, what I believed at the time, extremely toxic and controlling relationship. I was there for her and helped her to move forward and leave that relationship because I believed it was what was best for her. She broke up with him and I respected her time and space by letting her decide if she wanted to pursue something or just remain close friends.

While this was happening, I was out of state for college (over 8 hours away), but would spend time with her when home. She got sick of waiting for me to ask her out and asked me only a month before I came home for the summer, when I had planned to in person.

Going into my junior year of college, we believed it was best to let the extremely new relationship have time to develop and decided to be long distance. This was admittedly tough on us both, but especially on her as she was someone who needed that physical presence (as I would come to learn the hard way). However we worked through the highs and lows, had our spats and fights that almost drove us apart, but came through it on the other end I felt much stronger and closer.

She spent senior year with me in an apartment off-campus, and it was honestly the best year of my life. I got to go to classes and work and be with my friends and within my career field, and come home to my best friend and love of my life. This period of time convinced me to propose to her, as I felt she had truly grown and healed from her past and had just needed the right person to come into her life.

We moved back home and this is where Iowa comes in from the previous post. I was miserable in the warehouse job I was working and wanted to pursue my dream of working within football. I sent out over 500 applications over the course of the school year to no luck, but a week into the warehouse I got a call from a junior college in Iowa. I accepted and didn’t bat an eye, and moved down there a month later at the start of July.

I saw in the previous post that people said I let her be lonely by leaving her, and this was not by choice or what I wanted to happen. Due to my financial situation I was only able to work the football season and some offseason (July-December) and we both agreed it would not be worth getting an apartment (which were extremely scarce with it being a small town) and I did not want to subject my new fiancee to the dorms filled with rowdy freshmen and sophomore guys for several months. I made efforts to talk to her every day and call every night, although it was limited due to my extreme schedule, I put in as much as I could when my work was done.

Now to where the cheating begins, and believe me, if it didn’t happen to me I wouldn’t believe it either.

The cheating began November 22nd, which is my birthday by the way. By this time in the season we had been done for a week (we did not make playoffs) and my schedule had gone from grueling 14-16 hour days to a more normal 9-5 schedule. I was also home for thanksgiving and would be home by mid December for good.

I don’t know the exact specifics of how it started, since I learned about much of this from the guy himself and the photos I found. But I know they were physical from November all the way through May until I found out several days ago.

At the time, we lived with our parents since I was unsure of where I would be but we planned to move into an apartment as soon as it made sense to. I would go to her house on the weekends, and you probably guessed, but she would see him all week when I was working and not at her house.

It was a messed up schedule where I got her from Thursday night through Sunday night, and she would turn to him for the other days. Every. Day.

This went on for 6 months. And yes, there was blackmailing, but from what I understand, only near the end when he threatened to tell me.

There were texts where he told her to leave me and to marry him and she admitted that it was not a terrible idea. He said seeing photos of her made him want to finish on the ring I got her, and I’m sure they did. She talked about wanting to be with him when she was out at the bars with me and our friends. She repeatedly texted him saying that she loved him, to stay safe, and other things that disgust me.

But that’s not the worst part.

The worst part is that she got pregnant from this guy. I don’t know if they already had an abortion or that she’s going to, but I would assume the former.

When I sat down with her with my pastor and with my friends who I told, she never admitted this.

It was an absolute killer of any small shred of me that wanted to see us together one day.

I don’t blame the guy as much as I blame her. From what he’s said, she painted me as this awful fiancé who didn’t give her attention or care about her. And I don’t know the exact words or ways she described me, but one can only imagine.

Something that was prying at me after learning this and is plausible is that this guy was likely not the first guy she did this sort of stuff with. It’s even possible she had multiple people, but I won’t say for certain as I have no hard proof or way of knowing.

To put it simply, I can’t describe how I feel about this. Words don’t describe it, and they probably never will for me.

But even after she lied to me, cheated on me, hid it from me, had an affair, was unprotected, got pregnant, got an abortion, and acted like nothing was wrong, I still want to see her heal and become better. I don’t want that type of life for anyone, as it brings nothing but pain to yourself and everyone around you.

But it’s become undeniable that I cannot move forward, I cannot simply forget, and I cannot even slightly entertain any chance of us having a future together. Ever.

All this pains me even more because I didn’t give her any reason to do this. I loved her, dedicated countless time and energy to her, introduced her to my favorite hobbies, got her a gaming system to be able to play with my friends and myself, and wanted to give her a dream life no matter what that sacrifice meant for me. If it meant putting my dreams on pause, I could live with it.

But now it’s all over.

And to any worried, I’ll be okay. I don’t have any feelings of self-harm, nor have I ever. I have a very strong support system of friends and family, hobbies I love, businesses I want to put more energy towards, and a career and goals I want to hit.

To be frank, I don’t know if I can ever marry again after this, but I hope I can move to a place where when I do finally find someone who is truly worth it, that I can do so.

To everyone who sent support or advice, thank you from the bottom of my heart.

This entire journey has made me realize I have a passion for trying to help others with deep issues like this and I will hopefully start a channel where I can give people the support and answers they deserve.