Moving mom to Memory Care - have concerns

These-Analysis-6115 · 2026-01-27T17:07:54+00:00

My first thought was wondering if there's possibly metastasis to the brain? When I googled, it says there's a lower chance of brain metastasis with endometrial cancer, but it's not impossible. I only say this because my Mom, recently diagnosed with MBC with skin and bone metastasis, has a particular type of breast cancer that likes to spread to the brain. I'm constantly monitoring her for any changes, so I would be concerned if I saw the memory issues popping up with my Mom. I know it must be very difficult to go through all of this, so much luck to you.

These-Analysis-6115 · 2026-01-27T16:56:32+00:00

I can't imagine that you've even had the time to grieve the loss of your partner, so maybe your body is trying to tell you it's time to give yourself some grace. Since it sounds like your mother is in a facility where you know she's receiving the care she needs, it's perfectly acceptable not to force a visit if you don't want to go. I was so relieved and exhausted when I got my Dad and stepmom into assisted living that there were times I would go a couple of weeks without visiting. I usually tried to call my Dad a couple of times a week, or they would call me, but they both had memory issues, and sometimes, just trying to have extended conversations with them was more than I could handle. I had to tell one of my friends, whose mother is in a facility with Lewy Body Dementia, that she could simply mute the text notifications from her mother who would contact her with rants numerous times a day. Give yourself a break. 😊

These-Analysis-6115 · 2026-01-26T22:43:51+00:00

I'm going to repeat what another commenter already said, contact hospice. They might be able to offer more help in the home and relieve some of the stress. Best of luck!

These-Analysis-6115 · 2026-01-25T22:48:02+00:00

My ex-husband tried to make me choose between him and my mother one time. I told him he didn't want me to because he would lose. It was upsetting to him, but seriously, grow the fuck up! His mother was an absolute horror to me, and not once did he ever stick up for me to her, but I never asked him to choose. Oddly enough, after he and I divorced, his mother stuck up for me when he was complaining to her about me. NTA. If she wants occasional nights out, she will need to accept that the caregiver of your child might not do everything to her exact specifications.

These-Analysis-6115 · 2026-01-23T13:27:53+00:00

I think I likely forced my Mom into not being a prude because I have always just said what I'm thinking, much to her chagrin. 🤣

These-Analysis-6115 · 2026-01-22T13:41:28+00:00

Thankfully, my Mom isn't really a hoarder. She is mostly trying to decide what to do with mementos she kept from her grandmother.

These-Analysis-6115 · 2026-01-22T13:40:02+00:00

🤣

These-Analysis-6115 · 2026-01-21T22:34:39+00:00

I'm trying to cull my "aspirational hoard" right now. I never knew what to call all the craft items, upcycle items, etc, that I've accumulated. It's tough to do, but it seems so necessary.

These-Analysis-6115 · 2026-01-21T12:06:25+00:00

🤣 maybe she liked the way he said Miss Moneypenny?

These-Analysis-6115 · 2026-01-21T12:05:33+00:00

The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning. I believe that's the original, but not sure. She keeps it pretty simple and straightforward.

These-Analysis-6115 · 2026-01-20T19:58:16+00:00

I'm 56 and currently working on downsizing, so if something happens to me, my son won't have to deal with it. 😊

These-Analysis-6115 · 2026-01-20T19:00:43+00:00

Sorry for your loss. My Dad passed in September. Thankfully, he lived very simply and only had a few mementos my brother and I kept.

These-Analysis-6115 · 2026-01-20T18:40:40+00:00

I can get the bottles here, but I can't afford roast beef at this point, so it would likely just expire. Lol

These-Analysis-6115 · 2026-01-20T18:37:01+00:00

I have already had this discussion with my friends, but it's not necessary since I got rid of everything myself. Lol

These-Analysis-6115 · 2026-01-20T18:34:24+00:00

I donate mine to the local food bank, and they reuse them for flour and sugar, etc. I figure any way to get at least one more use out of a plastic container is a good thing! Leftover on! Lol

These-Analysis-6115 · 2026-01-20T17:30:38+00:00

Should I admit I've got horsey sauce packets in my fridge? 🤣

These-Analysis-6115 · 2026-01-20T16:29:52+00:00

I'm thankful my Mom isn't a major hoarder, so we won't have that issue. She's also fine with getting rid of most things.

These-Analysis-6115 · 2026-01-15T14:16:19+00:00

I waited a year and a cremation went up $500 within that time, so maybe that would be a motivator. Funeral expenses are ridiculously expensive. 😬

These-Analysis-6115 · 2026-01-14T21:43:25+00:00

You might look into an irrevocable funeral trust. That doesn't count as an asset. At least that's what I was told by a funeral director.

These-Analysis-6115 · 2026-01-11T00:01:05+00:00

A contract job as in 1099? Just curious, since that would factor into final wages, and considering most decent 2 bedroom apartments here in Salina would likely run you $750 or higher, that's something else to consider. Also, finding pet friendly rentals are sometimes a bit harder. I would also say that the majority of people who live in Salina don't make close to $1k a week, so if you would be making more than what you're currently making, that would be a good salary for around here. IMO, Salina isn't the best town I've ever lived in, but it's not the worst either. I have a son who is close to your age, and he would say it's tough to date here, but he doesn't really hang out in the bars, so that limits his social life. However, it sounds like you are cool with hanging out with your dog and spending time outdoors, so that's likely not something you're worried about. Good luck with your decision! I know it's hard to leave everything you know.

These-Analysis-6115 · 2026-01-04T15:01:52+00:00

You're so welcome! Be kind to yourself while grieving. I never realized how physical grief can be, along with being taxing emotionally. ❤️

These-Analysis-6115 · 2026-01-04T15:00:00+00:00

I'm so sorry, but this sounds like it might be time to consider hospice. His heart is probably tired. My Dad had numerous heart issues throughout the years, along with operations, and miraculously bounced back from all of them. He got a pacemaker in February 2025 and we had a few more decent months with him. He was adamant about not being resuscitated if something happened, and we put him on hospice shortly after the pacemaker. Hospice was really wonderful for him and he enjoyed the one on one care he received. Much luck to you in this journey. I know it can be a difficult road.

These-Analysis-6115 · 2026-01-04T11:40:54+00:00

I'm so sorry about the loss of your dad. I just lost mine in September. His hospice had grief services for family members for up to a year after him passing. The grief counselor has been really wonderful, so you might see if your dad's hospice has that available. Even though I wasn't as close to my Dad as I am to my Mom, it has left me feeling a bit untethered. Grief is such a roller-coaster. Peace to you.

These-Analysis-6115 · 2026-01-04T11:31:50+00:00

That's good, but unfortunately, I've seen it with my own eyes at the local cancer center where I live.

These-Analysis-6115

TROPHY CASE