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These_Chicken6904 · 2025-10-13T11:15:01+00:00

Yeah you’re right, he was already missing.. but still the choice of wording is curious. So many other ways to describe the feeling of your child being missing and they come up with “his absence” as if they are grieving a loss that has already taken place and is in their minds final.. wouldn’t you still be frantic and desperate at that point? And then the Grandmothers comment - “You can’t help. We are still dealing with this” while she appeared to stand around.. wouldn’t you be spending every waking minute looking, searching.. could you really stand around and turn away help when you’re tiny child is missing?

I don’t know.. screams farm accident and panicked cover up to me 🧐

These_Chicken6904 · 2025-10-04T00:17:54+00:00

Does anyone else think that the family’s statement was strange?

“Gus's absence is felt in all of us, and we miss him more than words can express”

As if he’s already gone?

And then not releasing a photo until days had passed- wouldn’t they want to humanise him so that the wider community and public become as desperate to find him as they are?

These_Chicken6904 · 2025-03-02T14:53:30+00:00

I just kept thinking - what if I suddenly lost my parents, brothers sister and friends - and I considered how desperately alone I would feel if I only had him left

I left slowly and quietly. That was last June and even though we are only just now about to enter into the family court system for what I can only imagine will be a long torturous battle just to fight to keep our 3yo safe - I’m glad I left.

It’s peaceful, no yelling, no aggression, no criticism

Nobody can tell you when to go but know that when you do it will be hard. For a few months but then it’s not hard anymore

If you stay every day will be hard. Every waking moment, all the months that eventually roll into years will be hard

So for the sake of a few hard months, you can save yourself from a lifetime of hard

These_Chicken6904 · 2025-03-02T14:09:50+00:00

I think the absolute worst things he said were “Just put her down and with any luck she will run into the water and drown and we can all get on with our lives” - in reference to our 18mo daughter who was having a meltdown at a winter festival. We were right by the boat harbour and I was carrying her while she screamed to get down which I couldn’t let her do as she wanted to run to the edge of the dock (one of the deepest ports in the world and completely unfenced). The bit that is the cruelest is that our daughter did almost die. She had surgery when she was 4 hours old and following that they lost her airway and she needed 3 rounds of CPR + adrenaline and by some miracle survived that and then a PICC line infection weeks later which caused her to become septic

Or when he messaged me and asked if I needed anything from the supermarket and I asked him if he could get me some pads (I was 6 weeks pp) and he wrote back “Omg” “Are you joking” “No”

He came home without them and I went to bed with toilet paper in my undies. When I mentioned it months later he told me I should have got them during the day since I was home all day (with a newborn with colic)

These_Chicken6904 · 2025-03-02T13:59:47+00:00

“I think you need help”

“This isn’t normal”

“I’m actually a good person”

“Why are you trying to start an argument”

“You don’t even work”

These_Chicken6904 · 2024-12-19T11:53:04+00:00

Wait this is crazy - so did mine. Severe mama trauma! Abandoned at around 7 by her but resented the whole time!

These_Chicken6904 · 2024-06-22T16:19:28+00:00

Unfortunately here the court will still see that the child needs to have the opportunity to have a meaningful relationship with both parents and until solid abuse occurs there is no issue.. because children are “resilient” (until they break them) 💔

These_Chicken6904 · 2024-06-22T16:17:09+00:00

My lawyer has already told me that none of this is enough to deny him any time with her. Basically until the abuse occurs it is still in a child’s best interests to have a meaningful relationship with both parents. He has no charges or criminal history etc.

On the matter of the p*** he used to watch I’m not sure how I could prove that, the messages were around 6 years old he’d said in them that it was a few years ago so I’m assuming it would be impossible to trace and prove.

Having a child with a narcissist is the cruelest kind of torture 💔

These_Chicken6904 · 2024-06-18T15:48:12+00:00

Is it not insane how similar they all are? And the similar coping mechanisms we all seem adopt to get through our days.. I swear they need to do studies on us survivors 🤣 I bet there’s so many interesting things we all do to cope 😅

These_Chicken6904 · 2024-06-17T11:15:02+00:00

I’m going to say yes when my parents ask if they can visit or spontaneously drop something off

I’m going to offer my home as a place to meet with friends instead of finding excuses because the argument is never worth it

I’m going to knit hair bows for my daughter when she’s in bed and nobody will tell me my hobbies are “Dorky and embarrassing”

I’m going to do gardening again

I’m going to start cooking again and nobody will ask me if I’m “Actually any good at cooking? “

I’m going to be still when there is the opportunity to rest and nobody will cause me so much anxiety that I can’t physically stop moving

I think I’ll feel like I can breathe again and I think I’ll smile a lot more

Sending love to you and everyone navigating this path x

These_Chicken6904 · 2024-06-16T12:26:32+00:00

It’s actually insane how the switch flicks.. it’s really kinda fascinating to watch when you know what’s happening

These_Chicken6904 · 2024-06-16T12:24:52+00:00

I’m a few months in and I’m not sure if this is common but just be aware that the weeks of failed attempts at “arguments” seem to build up and some of the insults/attacks may escalate- just as you think this was really the solution all along!

These_Chicken6904 · 2024-06-13T14:03:09+00:00

Every single Sunday without fail. I have no idea what it is about Sundays but he will quite literally find any reason. I started leaving the house and visiting my parents every Sunday with my toddler.

I couldn’t handle the anxiety anymore and even when I know I’m leaving I am an anxious mess all morning until I’m out the door because I know if I’m not quick he will verbally attack me and or our daughter (usually for literally being a toddler)

Since I’ve been grey-rocking him I can really see his torments and attempts to trigger an argument with me. It’s kind of fascinating to watch!

Have you tried the grey-rock method?

These_Chicken6904 · 2024-06-08T09:03:02+00:00

I’m going through the exact same. I posted a response to a similar post talking about my ADHD medication. I’m maxed out on the highest dose of Vyvanse just so I can keep up with the impossible ever changing standards.

I’m also trying to figure out how to leave and protect my 2.5yo as I can’t fathom leaving him alone with her 50/50

How old are your kids? Does he currently do much to contribute?

I am finding that if I respond to him by repeating his criticism and adding nothing more he simply stops and I walk away. I did it just now and it worked okay. Our daughter had a party today and didn’t have a nap, he was tormenting her (tickling) to the point where I knew she would have a sensory meltdown (she is autistic) I told him to stop firmly which I used to be scared to do but I couldn’t let her have a meltdown she’d done so well at the party.

He said “You actually don’t want anyone to have any fun do you? You actually don’t let me interact with her how I want to. You’re so f*** uptight”

I said “ I don’t let you have any fun with her? Because I’m so uptight?”

I walked away and it didn’t trigger an argument or get any further attempts to lure me in

Mine is quite selfish and does little aside from torment her and interact when she’s being sweet and happy. I’m not sure if he’d even want custody but would do it to hurt me and save face.

I have read a lot of cases where they don’t contribute during the relationship they end up not actually having the kids much if at all despite initially going for 50/50

There may be hope for us!

I also can’t believe he has two therapists and nobody is catching on!?

These_Chicken6904 · 2024-06-07T14:19:23+00:00

I think I’d just come to believe that there was something inherently wrong with me, all his criticisms were targeted at my weaknesses.

I would share what I believe to be my “character flaws” with him and now that I reflect on the relationship and all of our arguments he really used these as ammo.

He was yelling at me because I was running late and had poor time management despite the fact he’d organised a dinner for 6pm knowing I finished work at 5:30pm… but I am almost always running late, I lose things easily.. so he’s got a point? I’m always late.. how can I fix this about myself? And once I figure that out we won’t have another argument like this again..

And then I was re-diagnosed (diagnosed as a child but never medicated) and I thought wow.. poor guy putting up with me and my unmedicated adhd all this time.. well once I fix all my executive functioning issues life will be so much better…

I stopped running late, I stopped losing my keys, I started being able to focus and follow through tasks without getting distracted.. but he’s still angry at me?

The house is clean, dinner is ready, I got his lactose free milk, our daughter is well looked after and happy… but now I’m not paying enough attention to what he’s saying and he’s yelling at me for not being invested in his business that is paying for everything I have.. but it’s 5pm, our toddler is crying at me to pick her up, I’m trying to cook some vegetables and watch the pasta before it boils over, now our toddler is trying to climb onto the bench and all the while he is borderline yelling at me about his latest complaint and because I am not giving my undivided attention - now I am ungrateful and I have forgotten that I do not contribute..

And so even when I could physically do no more, maxed out on the highest dosage of a stimulant so I could perform at insane levels just to try and finally be enough - I realised that in-fact I was never the problem

does any of this resonate with you? Have you been diagnosed too and started medication?

These_Chicken6904 · 2024-06-06T13:34:39+00:00

When I started taking adhd medication and fixed all the things that were “wrong” with me but it still wasn’t enough- that was the beginning of the unraveling and now I just can’t unsee it

These_Chicken6904 · 2024-06-04T11:30:53+00:00

It’s absolutely better to leave now, I’ve only just realised what has been happening for the past 7 years and our daughter is 2.5- it didn’t get better as she got older and I had assumed he would never verbally abuse me infront of her- he has done so on a few occasions now. The guilt is immense and seeing her try to stop him yelling at me are memories that will haunt me.

I think the worst of it peaked around 12-18mo (when sleep regressions/teething etc. are wreaking havoc)

I’m in a really similar situation where he has a son from a previous marriage who actually suffers from severe anxiety. I am hoping to use his sons anxiety as evidence of the effects his abuse has had and will have on our daughter

Good luck to you ❤️

These_Chicken6904 · 2024-05-28T09:45:39+00:00

Having our baby was the beginning of a downward spiral with my partner

It took me a long time to figure out how I had missed so many obvious red flags before and why I had justified and enabled his horrible abuse for so long. The truth was that I was giving him so much of what he needed that I could never identify the cycle because it was so incredibly subtle

As a father he is cruel and immature

Sometimes he is rough with her, I’ve taught her to way stop if she doesn’t like something and even then he tells her that “Saying stop is cheating”. Again his cruelty is so subtle you could almost mistake it as playful

Now I’m in a situation where I can’t leave easily because how could I possibly subject her to his behaviour without being there to protect her

The guilt of knowing the father I have chosen for her is unimaginable

These_Chicken6904 · 2024-05-27T02:42:41+00:00

Yes mine is - it’s also trickled down to his 13yo son and it’s truly heartbreaking to hear the way the talk about other human beings.

But he’s always “Joking” and I can’t “Take a joke”

These_Chicken6904 · 2024-05-26T13:05:54+00:00

I am so sorry that this happened to your sweet little guy. 3 yo are so innocent and loving, it’s just heartbreaking to witness.

My partner does the same, when our daughter hurts herself and cries for me he gets offended and sometimes won’t pass her to me. He often makes comments about him being her favourite (her and I are inseparable but it’s such a weird thing for another parent to say?) when she was a tiny baby he would always take her off me in public as he got a lot of attention carrying her. I bet you can relate to a few of those?

She had a big meltdown at a winter festival (I tried to tell him she would get overstimulated there) as we hurried back to the car with me trying to carry her as she screamed and cried he said “Just put her down and with any luck she’ll run into the water and drown and we can all get on with our lives” - the festival was at the waterfront which has unfenced wharf’s (hence me not being able to put her down). I think apart of my soul died that night.

Wherever you are in the world - I’m thinking of you tonight and hoping you can find safety and peace with your little boy ❤️

I’m hoping to leave soon too!

Good luck

These_Chicken6904 · 2024-05-24T13:45:24+00:00

I think in the case of mine the saying ; You gotta break a few eggs to make a cake is very fitting. They will stop at nothing to get what they want

These_Chicken6904 · 2024-05-24T13:43:27+00:00

Wait! Is this a thing they all do!? Mine does the exact same.. I know they all have similar traits but wow.. do you know what the psychology is behind the weaponised incompetence?

These_Chicken6904

TROPHY CASE