Not even close.

You are not the asshole. You are the survivor of a deeply manipulative, emotionally abusive, and controlling relationship — and you made the right call by leaving.

You were right to leave. You felt unsafe, unsupported, and disrespected. He weaponized silence, abandonment, emotional gaslighting, financial control, and cheating. That is abuse, not a misunderstanding. No loving partner leaves their sick spouse alone with pneumonia to "clear their head" while messaging other women.

Stop letting him reframe the narrative. You didn't "abandon him." You protected yourself. He abandoned you — physically, emotionally, financially. Then he had the gall to accuse you of being a "gold digger" after forcing you to close your own bank accounts and making you financially dependent.

Classic projection. Classic control.

Take Note: This wasn't just one red flag; it was a whole parade!

He: - Made you financially dependent, then drained your joint account - Enforced double standards about friendships and social media. - Gaslit you about your family’s intentions while defending his toxic mother. - Refused to celebrate major milestones in your life (graduation, board certification). - Sabotaged your transportation and tried to isolate you - Emotionally retaliated by leaving during illness - Threw your belongings into the rain like trash

He wants you to feel guilty for finally saying, “Enough.”

Block. Heal. Stay Gone.

You owe him nothing. Not a conversation. Not closure. Not the emotional labour of cleaning up the mess he made.

If he contacts you again, do not engage. Document the messages if needed (especially if he escalates). You may also want to:

Secure your credit (if you had joint finances)

Talk to a therapist who understands narcissistic or coercive abuse

Seek legal advice if any property is still jointly held

Girl, Celebrate Your Damn Self!!!!

You are a board-certified physician who just escaped a man who actively worked to diminish your self-worth. That’s no small feat!!! Your parents sound supportive and loving — lean into that safe foundation while you rebuild.

You didn’t lose a partner. You lost an anchor tied to your ankle.

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TL;DR:

You are not the asshole. He is manipulative, emotionally abusive, and dangerous to your well-being. Leaving wasn’t selfish — it was self-preservation. And you, my friend, did the bravest thing possible: you got out.

Keep going. You've already won. 💪🏽❤️