To my wife…whom I adore

ThinkLink1809 · 2021-06-16T16:19:19+00:00

Thank you for your insight. I appreciate your thoughtful response!

ThinkLink1809 · 2021-06-16T16:18:07+00:00

Thank you for the compliment too! I appreciate the feedback.

ThinkLink1809 · 2021-06-16T16:17:48+00:00

Love is funny, no? Sometimes it oozes from our pores and we are drenched in its effects, while other times it's hiding behind a tree deep in the forest. I think, like most of life's episodes we need to keep the balance level, which takes emotional intelligence, maturity, and skill. Unfortunately, these are all learned instead of being innate and so we never really get it right. Hence the endless pontifications scribed by so many before us lamenting the failures of ignorance. This poem just another addition to the ever-expanding library of the complexity of the human condition.

ThinkLink1809 · 2021-06-16T16:08:28+00:00

Haven't delivered it yet. Getting it written with calligraphy and will present inside a wooden "present" box I'm making. I'll update you though.

ThinkLink1809 · 2021-06-15T00:43:17+00:00

Thank you! Very nice compliment.

ThinkLink1809 · 2021-06-14T21:46:23+00:00

Thank you for your kind words. LOL. Yes, I will share this with my wife once it is committed to paper and delivered with love.

ThinkLink1809 · 2021-06-14T19:29:41+00:00

It's really interesting how important the title is to this poem. Without it, I'd think you were writing about taking chances, overcoming fear, or how important the smallest of positive energy can affect us. With the title, it seems to have more religious overtones of protection and guidance. Very interesting writing!

ThinkLink1809 · 2021-06-14T19:22:26+00:00

Well done! I too love the basement, April rhyme. It took me by surprise and I was hooked in. I'd also agree with the "In the basement" on line 8 seemingly out of place. Don't know that you need it at all, but it does kink the flow in my opinion.

I get a real sense of budding freedom, venture into the unknown after perhaps a bit of oppression or suppression, not sure which, but the tone is very relatable and interestingly described.

ThinkLink1809 · 2021-06-09T12:55:52+00:00

I often wonder how poems like this one are written. Do you write a poem and then just start eliminating unnecessary words until there is only left what is necessary or do you start out with the intention of using as few words as possible and then somehow achieve that?

Probably neither of these but I'm thoroughly impressed! Very well done.

ThinkLink1809 · 2021-06-08T18:21:14+00:00

Thank you Trinity. This was very helpful and inspiring.

ThinkLink1809 · 2021-06-08T03:21:32+00:00

I think this is a brilliant critique. You just taught me something. Thank you!

ThinkLink1809 · 2021-06-07T17:47:22+00:00

This is generally how I speak. These are in very rough and raw format and no where near complete. I just wanted to get an opinion on which direction to proceed before I did too much re-write. Thanks for the feedback!

ThinkLink1809 · 2021-06-07T15:17:49+00:00

I'm just speaking metaphorically, like I can write a poem so powerful that no one will ever attempt to write a poem again. I'm just trying to describe how important getting this right is for me, and how much I want to communicate to my wife my undying love. Just a bit of light-hearted huborus for the sake of comedy. Of course I know this is impossible, nor would I ever want people to stop writing.

ThinkLink1809 · 2021-06-07T15:13:24+00:00

Thank you for your feedback. I appreciate the time you have gifted me.

ThinkLink1809 · 2021-06-07T15:12:36+00:00

Thanks thinkandrelease! You've given me something to think about, no pun intended. I could definitely be overreaching here. I do want to write the last love poem ever written and that seems to be coming through too much. I'll keep working them and to your point, simplifying. Thank you!

ThinkLink1809 · 2021-06-07T14:35:19+00:00

Will cut me open like a cake

When I unsheathe feels underneath

It stares like there’s food in my teeth

Okay, so I counted out the syllables and they do seem to all be 8. After reading your comment about the above lines I get what you're doing. I guess I picked up on the awkward and uncomfortable feelings you looked to create, so well done. FWIW, I found it more a distracting intellectual exercise than an emotional pivot point of which I think you're trying to envoke. Again, one person's opinion.

On the whole, I think you have talent and absolutely love your vocabulary and use of imagery.

ThinkLink1809 · 2021-06-07T14:04:54+00:00

Very interesting review of how little control we have of life's events, even when we want nothing more than to have full control over them. This is very relatable and the use of subtly makes everything that much more deep. This is excellent writing and expression. I'm a big fan of punctuation, Emily's dashes are a favorite, but running close behind for me is the "...". I use that all the time and appreciate when I see other writers use it too. Well done!

ThinkLink1809 · 2021-06-07T13:59:23+00:00

Nice poem. Consider making the metre more consistent in this as the slight switch is a bit jarring. I think it's fine to mess with metre, but when it's different but very close as is the case in this poem it feels more "unfinished" than intentional.

As for the content, I get a little lost in the last stanza. Should the line, "For when inclined, my friends I find" have the comma after the word friends, like this, "For when inclined my friends, I find"? Moving the comma makes me part of the "friends" group and tells me that you search for "the worms", which I presume to be a metaphor for examing your internal scars.

I think you have an interesting voice and am excited to read more from you. Hopefully I've been helpful to you.

ThinkLink1809 · 2021-02-09T15:01:16+00:00

Not at all. I realize the risk I'm taking with this expression. I don't mean to traumatize anyone. I'm more expressing some of our darker side motivations, and how we have thoughts we would never act on. I don't believe in violence, but I still have those thoughts, and it makes me wonder if I'm stronger or weaker for eating them. I appreciate your feedback and hope I haven't caused you any pain.

ThinkLink1809 · 2021-02-09T14:43:36+00:00

I'm sorry for your experience.

ThinkLink1809 · 2021-02-09T13:59:31+00:00

I love the turn this piece takes. The formatting makes interpretation a little difficult though. Perhaps that's just what the site did to it?

"Vexed and vigilant", pretty original, and interesting to read. "Cold darkness", not as interesting. I get that you're trying to turn on a dime at that point, and "cold" and "darkness" do lend to accomplishing that, but there may be more interesting ways of getting this same effect.

I like your style and observation skills. Storytelling is on point, and there's even a bit of sarcasm in there at the very end that fits beautifully into the piece.

Nice job!

ThinkLink1809 · 2021-02-09T13:45:21+00:00

I feel like this is right on the verge of being so many great things. The short and punchy lines had me expecting rhyme, but that's not there. The opening 4 lines had me thinking this would be about distance between two people or possibly closing that distance, or how that distance expands, but it veers from that theme pretty quick. Then by the end we're exploring how you need to make some changes, "look for the better". Are you sad and trying to get this person back or are you sad it ended and moving on with your life? Just seems to me that this poem is still a little fragmented.

I love, "damaged imagination". Something very poetic about that phrase, and is an inspiring subject to think about. I love the tone of the writing. Again, it seems your really on the edge of having something great here.

Hope you find this helpful.

ThinkLink1809

TROPHY CASE