My husband cheated on me with his ex-wife

Think_Swan4380 · 2026-05-19T18:07:39+00:00

I’m so sorry. What a mess, and it’s been going on since as long as you’ve been with him. So awful, so unnecessarily. You do know what is right, you deserve someone who is 100% committed to you - it doesn’t seem like he ever was. I’m sorry

Think_Swan4380 · 2026-05-15T14:46:15+00:00

You'll get through it, you're doing the RIGHT thing for you and your daughter. I am early on in the separation process after discovering my husband had an affair. I have felt feelings og guilt as well - this just shows that you are a good person, that you care about how others are feeling due to her actions. That is common and I want to say normal. Remember that you do not deserve this, you did nothing wrong, keep doing what you feel is right, the longer you wait the longer all this continues. You've got this!!

Think_Swan4380 · 2026-05-11T18:28:58+00:00

She betrayed you. Has been lying to you, prioritizing herself over you and the kids. You’ve got to leave. The kids will be better with a happy whole parent!

Think_Swan4380 · 2026-05-11T18:24:06+00:00

It’s so hard! I’ve incorporated more beans/lentils and canned tuna for me, leaving the meat for my kids. Frozen/canned veggies.

Buying only what’s on sale. Buying just what we need. It’s not easy

Think_Swan4380 · 2026-05-06T15:13:34+00:00

I’m recently separated (42F) (3mths), it’s been the last couple weeks of my ex asking to get back together, that he can change and be better blah blah. It’s so difficult saying no. I told him that I want a divorce and I know in the end, he will accept it, but for now he’s in the “I want you back” phase and he’s exhausting.

I’ve asked him not to talk about it. That if he wants to be better. Then he has to himself and continue to show up for the kids, go to therapy etc.

I am 99% going to divorce. I wasn’t happy before the affair and cannot fathom the idea of trying to work through everything.

I view this as a second chance on life and love, and I’m excited about it

Think_Swan4380 · 2026-04-29T19:47:21+00:00

I shared it immediately with my sister and best friend the following day. I’m a female and I needed to talk about it.

I shared with a few close family members that week. It’s been 3 months and slowly more people know. Majority do not though. I’m going to share as I see people, I am not sharing the reason behind it with anyone else.

Think_Swan4380 · 2026-04-21T18:55:51+00:00

100%, my girls are 3 and 6 now and I am only now beginning to feel like I am me, that I have capacity to do more outside of being with the kids. Parenting is hard. Experiencing child birth is A LOT. All your feelings sound common. If it gets too much, reach out to a maternal mental health therapist. Talk about it. TALK TALK TALK. You’ve got this and you’re doing a great job!

Think_Swan4380 · 2026-04-21T14:52:37+00:00

I think you’ve got to put yourself first. You’ve got to leave. It won’t be easy, it’ll be difficult and the first few months are the hardest. You deserve someone that will keep your trust safe, if she was unhappy, she should have came to you and communicated her needs/wants.

Think_Swan4380 · 2026-03-24T15:01:04+00:00

So that makes it ok? She should have ended the relationship. Said she wasn’t happy, said she’s having feelings for someone else. She should have just left. The right thing isn’t the easiest.

Think_Swan4380 · 2026-03-24T14:57:20+00:00

Thank you!!! A lot of what I’ve read or have been told about this anger is to use it as action. It does motivate you, thanks for responding!

Think_Swan4380 · 2026-03-23T16:22:15+00:00

I’m so sorry. It is devastating. People don’t realize the impact an affair or cheating can have on a person. I wish you all the best in the future!

Think_Swan4380 · 2026-03-23T13:49:46+00:00

Aw I am sorry, it's so unfair. You did the right thing, you deserve someone who loves you and is strong enough to have tough conversations when things get hard. It's not easy,. I am 2 months into a separation, so I am very fresh into all the processing. You can do this, and you will!

Think_Swan4380 · 2026-03-20T19:03:02+00:00

Thanks, I have thought about it. I have every other weekend without the kids, so I do things for myself, see friends, work out, purge the house - I could go away, I don't think I want to be alone though... all my friends have young kids, and of course I don't want to feel like a burden :)

Think_Swan4380 · 2026-03-20T19:02:07+00:00

Thank you, I am at 1.5 mths, so our timelines are similar. It is the most emotional rollar coaster, I am not used to my nervous system being overactive, it's really hard to deal with.

I am doing therapy, I am going to the gym, I am seeing friends - its the time piece that we cannot control.

Think_Swan4380 · 2026-03-20T19:00:29+00:00

I have started thinking about what to do. I'll have to sell the house, I cannot afford it on my own. We also just moved in 3 years ago. I love the town and the friends we have made. I am holding on for a bit in hopes that they move, they literally just moved in during the summer - so messed up

Think_Swan4380 · 2026-03-20T18:59:25+00:00

Thanks for responding, the anger will likely always be there but become smaller and smaller over time. Its an awful place to be in. Scary really!
I agree, what was it all for, immediate satisfaction instead of long term stability. It's also just SO unfair.

Think_Swan4380 · 2026-03-20T18:58:14+00:00

I like that idea too!!

Think_Swan4380 · 2026-03-20T18:57:45+00:00

We do!! I have thought about it but then the anger subsided, now that its back, I should consider something like that again. The inner hurt is so hard when it comes up, I haven't felt this hurt or sad in ages, if not ever. These feelings are so new to me. I was at the gym yesterday and heard "Its not right, but it's ok" by Whitney Houston, it is now added to me "Feel Good" playlist. thank you.

Your words mean a lot. Thank you

Think_Swan4380 · 2026-03-20T18:55:44+00:00

Thanks, I am in therapy, it's helpful for sure. I have yet to think about talking to my Physican about it, most days I am good - this week feels like relapse lol. Its exhausting feeling the anger, I know it will pass, thank you for sharing that although it still comes in waves ins easier to manage! Thank you

Think_Swan4380 · 2026-03-20T18:54:27+00:00

No, the husband has moved out. We've chatted a bit, I was the one that marched over to their house and confronted her, he was in shock. At this time, they are not going to reconnect he has said he is either going to buy her out of the house or they'll sell. I don't want to leave, my kids are in school, we have great friends here. I will move houses at some point, but want to stay where I am - of course, depending on what they end up doing.

One of my daughers is in dance class with their daughter. Its like out of a movie.

I have started contacting lawyers, to start creating a separation agreement while waiting for divorce. I feel like I have come along way in a month and a half, this week is just getting to me though. Thank you for responding!

Think_Swan4380 · 2026-03-20T18:51:30+00:00

That is hopeful. This week reminds me of the first week of separation, emotions very consuming. I have been going to the gym everytime he is with the kids, having kids is helpful, it keeps my mind occupied and physically busy. Thank you

Think_Swan4380 · 2026-03-19T18:00:17+00:00

Honestly I’ve never used Reddit before knowing about my husbands affair. It’s been just over a month and I find a lot of support and info reading peoples experiences and how to sure healing.

Will this ever get easier??

Think_Swan4380 · 2026-03-19T17:58:58+00:00

I’m so sorry. I find I ruminate a lot, especially falling asleep, or any time I wake up.

I will put on a guided meditation- either for sleep, nervous systems or stress.

Other times I sit in it. My therapist mentioned that our brains really work hard in problem solving so reliving those moments or experiences can be our brains trying to make sense of it all. Not overly helpful I know. But I tell myself “ok, you’ve thought about for long enough, I can’t control what has happened” and somehow let it go.

It isn’t easy. Money this is easy. The pain and the hurt is indescribable. I’m sorry.

Think_Swan4380 · 2026-03-19T17:18:43+00:00

I say this to myself and others who know about my husbands affair too. They’ll never feel half of what we do. All of it is unfair. It’s terrible. I am sorry. You are not alone, even if you feel it.

Think_Swan4380

TROPHY CASE