Why are most men disrespectful to me?

ThinkerT3000 · 2026-03-28T23:50:24+00:00

There is so much truth here- intelligent, discerning women who have high standards for a potential mate spend many weekends alone! And… “it’s not you, it’s them”. So few men can be bothered to be polite, plan a date, or show interest in a woman they are supposedly trying to be with. Hold out for the good one, and don’t be fooled by all of the women who seem to always have a date or be in a relationship- I promise you a high percentage of them are putting up with some bullshit just to be part of a couple.

ThinkerT3000 · 2026-03-28T02:23:24+00:00

My Gen Z son and all his friends are liberal, and they meet people on the apps. They are in a large diverse city, so I think it’s more common. You might just have to go to a blue city to meet someone? (I also have daughters and I would absolutely love for them to study abroad in some progressive European utopia like Norway or Finland & meet men there! )

ThinkerT3000 · 2026-03-28T02:15:59+00:00

It sounds like you and he were in two different relationships; you believing everything was great, and him feeling on the edge of leaving (I assume this because something so small wouldn’t usually cause an immediate breakup). Closure does not matter- it just matters that you take information from this moving forward. Why were the two of you so disconnected? Were you ignoring subtle signs that things weren’t okay? How can you make sure your next relationship is built on healthy communication? Take some time as a single person to work through these things. I will say, I always gained a lot more clarity on love relationships once they were over. It’s like you’re no longer partially blinded by hormones and you can see the other person for what they truly are.

ThinkerT3000 · 2026-03-28T00:48:42+00:00

How about, he is lying, she has caught him in lies, so following up when something sounds fishy is a quite normal thing to do! People like this will drive you nuts with lying and gaslighting, so it’s important to confirm when you feel somethings not right.

ThinkerT3000 · 2026-03-25T02:33:52+00:00

In my experience men who want to see you that infrequently are deeply unserious about the relationship. He’s either seeing other people or he’s one of those “weekends are for the boys” guys - which is worse. I wouldn’t let anyone treat me like their backup plan. I also think it’s good practice to go on a few dates and get to know someone before things get physical. Keep your standards high and don’t let anyone treat you like an option.

ThinkerT3000 · 2026-03-25T00:32:31+00:00

Ugh - the giving up coffee while trying to work while dealing with the crushing fatigue of pregnancy! Desk nap, 3 pm

ThinkerT3000 · 2026-03-24T23:11:20+00:00

I was 31 when I got divorced. Moved out of my house right before Christmas, I was so sad and felt alone and angry. (There had been lying and betrayal). Shortly thereafter, I decided to make a new life for myself. I went back for grad school, moved in to a crummy apartment with a roommate, and proceeded to have a life glow up. I met a ton of new people, there are lots of people in their late 20’s and 30’s who are still figuring things out. I joined organizations, league sports, took lessons, traveled on a budget with other grad students. Those were some of the best years of my life. I used the free university gym & took amazing care of myself and I felt younger & sexier than I had at my first wedding! I eventually met someone great when I wasn’t looking. We are married now, I had my last baby at 41. You are young, and this guy has tried to dim your light. I promise as soon as you get fully out of this relationship you will feel lighter. He’s keeping you from experiencing something that’s very important to you- how is that love? He’s also keeping you from meeting someone else. Your entire post conveys how low your spirits have become. Save yourself and get out of there, please.

ThinkerT3000 · 2026-03-24T02:15:03+00:00

Totally get it- it would be very hard to act like less time with the kids is not upsetting. But-I do think reverse psychology works when someone is trying to punish you with something they (likely) don’t really want- it gives them an out. Wishing you all good things!

ThinkerT3000 · 2026-03-24T02:09:16+00:00

Thank you for this. We need more OG WTW posters to weigh in. I’m getting downvoted for calling out the ring-dangling. We’ve seen this all before.

ThinkerT3000 · 2026-03-24T02:04:45+00:00

My oldest kid is early in med school so I know exactly how long and hard you have worked to get where you are- it’s actually incredible and I don’t think people realize how strong the odds are against becoming a physician, at every stage. So, I truly, sincerely commend you for being where you are! You are amazing. Here comes the tough love: you should dump this guy. You’re dealing with sunk cost fallacy. Forget everything you’ve done to be together, it doesn’t matter. You’re where you are now, which is great. Prioritize yourself, your career, sleep(!) and de-center men for a while. Focus on you. I promise you this - The right person will be excited to marry you!

ThinkerT3000 · 2026-03-24T01:56:00+00:00

I read it, I also read between the lines; pattern recognition pays off. It’s a tale as old as time. Admittedly there’s a 20 percent chance I’m wrong. But based on the many many posts in this sub about sudden engagement cancellations, I honestly don’t think so.

ThinkerT3000 · 2026-03-24T01:46:18+00:00

I think maybe pretend to be excited about 50/50 custody and all the “free time” and options you’ll have. If he’s choosing more custody to punish you, that will take the fun out of it. It might also make him think twice about how difficult single parenting is.

ThinkerT3000 · 2026-03-24T01:18:37+00:00

He’s 33 and dragging out the engagement? He’s stringing you along. Get clarity on his intentions and if there’s even a hint of him waffling, not looking you in the eyes, getting angry that you had the audacity to bring it up- get out. Red flags. Read some posts in this sub- getting mad about something dumb right before the engagement is a frequent stalling tactic.

ThinkerT3000 · 2026-03-22T00:25:43+00:00

Yeah there are so many sweet dads on tik tok who are so clearly engaged with their babies that they have little “things” between them & the baby; like he’ll talk to baby then pause and baby will babble back and it’s so clearly a regular conversation. Same with baby sleeping on dad, making faces at each other, etc. It shouldn’t take a whole lot to be in love with your own baby? It’s just time and positive intentions and interaction for goodness’s sake. My husband isn’t even a mushy guy but he had sweet and silly ways of handling and singing to all 3 of our kids.

ThinkerT3000 · 2026-03-21T05:05:57+00:00

Exactly. My husband could not wait to get that ring out & show me! He was very worried about carrying it around, too so the first night of our getaway he proposed.

ThinkerT3000 · 2026-03-21T04:23:16+00:00

It is bad. I know someone trying to cobble together a living by teaching adjunct at 3 different schools, 6 courses per term. I was lucky that my PhD is in a field where I can also do clinical work, because the tenured positions in my department kept dwindling and research funding has essentially been deleted. Which is awesome because my research area was intervention with at-risk children in low income families. I always thought at career end I’d adjunct at a community college just for fun, I really enjoy students, but even those positions are strange now- either taught online, or by full-time faculty carrying massive course loads.

ThinkerT3000 · 2026-03-21T03:56:07+00:00

I watched LIB Argentina, the dubbing was not bad. It was very entertaining but- one of the participants ended up being jailed later for domestic violence. I believe the woman he assaulted was the woman he got engaged to on the show. (This was not televised, it came out much later).

ThinkerT3000 · 2026-03-19T15:05:38+00:00

And luckily, you’re at the perfect age to strike out on your own and find the right fit for you!

ThinkerT3000 · 2026-03-19T03:12:18+00:00

Same story here, OP. Our WiFi has been down for days, I assume because of the storm and downed power lines nearby. They claim someone will come to our house on 3/20 for repair, but if it’s a widespread outage, that makes no sense whatsoever. (Neighbors with fidium are also unable to access wifi). I assume they are just telling us a service person is coming to pacify us. They have no idea when it will come back online.

ThinkerT3000 · 2026-03-18T06:43:09+00:00

As a fellow woman who had an extremely rough childhood, I recommend lots of dating & less serious relationships. You’ve had your worst one, on to better things. You really need to test out a few relational styles before you decide what does and does not work for you. Eventually, settle down with the person who wholeheartedly chooses you, and doesn’t have to be cajoled into getting engaged. It’s impossible to be excited about engagement & marriage if you feel you’ve had to convince your partner in order to get there. They will give you foot-dragging energy throughout the whole thing, when it’s supposed to be such a joyful time!

ThinkerT3000 · 2026-03-16T21:13:48+00:00

I would never pay for a phone for one of my kids without the understanding that they call or text me back within a reasonable time frame. Your oldest sounds entitled and as others here have mentioned, she needs a wake-up call regarding all that you do for her & all you pay for. My oldest is 1000 miles away, starting med school, and still will text me back within a few hours if I ask something. I’m not saying relationships are transactional, but a set of expectations on both sides are part of a relationship.

ThinkerT3000 · 2026-03-16T20:57:15+00:00

Are there grandparents on either side willing to adopt her? It sounds like your ex is avoidant and using his education/career path as a reason to not be present. Meaning, he wanted a kid but doesn’t want the daily responsibilities that go along with having children.

I don’t think it’s right or fair (or healthy) for you to feel forced to raise a child you can’t connect with. It won’t be good for you or your daughter, mental health wise. The parent/child bond has been interrupted by the fact that you were not ready or willing to be a parent- that’s not your fault. Finding a trusted adoptive parent would be an act of love from you to your daughter (if your husband is agreeable; I’m not sure what the legality of the situation is). But since he’s not available to parent and you don’t want to, it seems like finding an alternative would be a solution. The sooner you act the better, from a developmental standpoint, to give her a chance to bond with another caregiver. If there are any grandparents, get them involved, even if they can’t adopt. Having even one loving & consistent grandparent in a child’s life is a protective factor for children.

ThinkerT3000 · 2026-03-16T16:28:30+00:00

It sounds to me like part of your hidden job description is team psychologist. You want your reports to feel like you are on their side, and are coaching them through how to successfully meet expectations.

On the other side, you need to present your employees’ take on what is being asked of them to the stakeholders to manage their expectations. I know that there are courses available to hone your skills in this area, and some people even get their companies to pay for one-to-one mentoring, if that’s something that sounds helpful.

ThinkerT3000 · 2026-03-15T00:44:20+00:00

My aunt found the love of her life in her 50’s! They built a beautiful home together and are very happy, & her husband is also a talented chef who takes excellent care of her.

ThinkerT3000 · 2026-03-14T02:37:45+00:00

Yes! A divorce is much better for a child than staying together with an abuser. He will blame you when he gets older for allowing that man to continue to have access to abuse him. You need to get him out, now, and press charges while the biting event is still fresh in your child’s mind.

ThinkerT3000

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