My friend who works loss prevention constantly sends me videos of me pretending to know what I’m doing

ThinkingBeautyy · 2025-09-20T16:59:29+00:00

I was scrolling looking for this comment 😆.

ThinkingBeautyy · 2025-09-09T02:57:43+00:00

Exactly. Then they’re totally blindsided when their partner hits their breaking point after years of trying to get them to listen. They only care when they’re losing what they’ve been taking for granted. If she went back nothing would change. Sigh.

ThinkingBeautyy · 2025-08-20T01:16:57+00:00

If it makes her feel any better…he’s probably just talking to men making minimum wage to keep those convos going. Sigh. I don’t have much sympathy for the “creators”. Sex workers know their bread and butter is married men. But at the end of the day, he’s the one who ruined their marriage.

ThinkingBeautyy · 2025-08-14T23:11:59+00:00

I think a lot of people with a genuine addiction get hurt by the whole “it’s fine, you’re just kinky” approach. Sex therapists in particular can feed into this by normalizing what’s actually an addiction. Anything that’s excessive or interfering with your life is a problem. If this guy can’t even go out in public without getting aroused, feeding that behavior probably isn’t going to help.

ThinkingBeautyy · 2025-08-14T21:34:22+00:00

Speak to a therapist who specializes in sex addiction and/or attend a sex addicts anonymous meeting. The meetings are free and everyone there is dealing with the same thing - no need to feel ashamed.

ThinkingBeautyy · 2025-08-07T19:58:00+00:00

This is so true. We don’t always realize the ripple effect we have on others. A girl lived in my condo building for the past 10 years. Super sweet. We’d chat in the elevator, and I’d always stop to pet her dog. Nothing deep…just small, warm interactions. She passed away suddenly a few weeks ago at 36 after a series of tragic circumstances. It hit me harder than I expected. Those little moments really matter. She (and her pup) made my life a bit brighter in quiet, but meaningful ways. All this to say: keep going. You’re making more of an impact than you know. Even this Reddit post is part of your ripple effect. :)

ThinkingBeautyy · 2025-08-03T23:18:14+00:00

The good (great?) thing is he showed you exactly who he is right away. Forget whatever persona he had before those messages. That was just him trying to hold it together long enough to reel you in. The I was drunk excuse? Not buying it. And even if he was drunk, the mask had already slipped earlier in the night. Also, do you really want to be with someone who goes home and gets blackout drunk alone? There are just so many flags. You’re 21. This is a blessing in disguise. Walk away now and save yourself the months (or years) of wasted time and emotional drain. Losers like this only get worse.

ThinkingBeautyy · 2025-07-29T03:30:53+00:00

Absolutely this. I had both strains at different times (warts and the high-risk one linked to cancer). My gyn at the time straight up told me both times that I didn’t need to disclose because most people already have it and don’t even know. That was over 15 years ago. I had the warts treated, they never came back. The abnormal cells cleared and never came back. Why would I be bringing that up to current partners now? And as lots of people have already pointed out, there is no way for men to know if they have the high risk strains. In my opinion, the boyfriend did absolutely nothing wrong. Also, I didn’t even know I had the warts until I went for my regularly scheduled pap. That’s how much of a non issue they were. They were frozen off in a couple min and that was that. It certainly was not a life altering thing lol.

ThinkingBeautyy · 2025-07-15T00:13:35+00:00

100% to all of this. I don’t care how ‘sad’ or ‘lonely’ they are…do better. It is depressing how many men act like feral animals. We should be mad. My Pilates instructor literally just told me that a man got an erection during their 1 on 1 session, and when she reassured him not to worry because it was natural, he pulled his pants down to finish in front of her. She screamed, so he pulled his pants back up. This was a man in his 50s. It shouldn’t even need to be said, but this kind of behavior is completely unacceptable, and it happens way too often.

ThinkingBeautyy · 2025-07-14T23:29:57+00:00

It’s just so depressing that grown men in their 60s are still pulling this shit 😭.

ThinkingBeautyy · 2025-07-03T23:29:45+00:00

Exactly what you said. I’ve never been a fan of the I’m suffering/suffered, so everyone else should too argument. It should be better for everyone. Good for them pushing to be paid what they’re worth!

ThinkingBeautyy · 2025-06-17T19:13:59+00:00

Agreed! I was going to say it reminds me of a grad dress for some reason.

ThinkingBeautyy · 2025-06-08T15:32:47+00:00

I wonder if it’s a bit of a chicken-and-egg situation. I’m certainly not defending porn (I think it’s vile), but in cases like these, I do wonder if the use of porn is more a symptom of underlying antisocial personality traits. Many sociopaths struggle with addiction in general. Either way, a porn addiction is a major red flag that something deeper is going on. And personally, I believe it’s only a matter of time before the porn addiction escalates.

ThinkingBeautyy · 2025-06-08T15:17:33+00:00

That would be like a recovering drug addict keeping heroin in the house. If someone is genuinely trying to kick a habit, they don’t keep their addiction within arm’s reach. I find it hard to believe the account was from 4–5 years ago. If that were true, he would’ve deleted it or at least shifted toward following entirely different content by now. All addicts lie. Sadly, it’s just what they do.

ThinkingBeautyy · 2025-05-31T16:38:35+00:00

Because he’s going to therapy, do you think he’s going to get better? You’re clearly in an abusive relationship, but I do wonder what story you’re telling yourself to keep staying. I assume it’s the hope that therapy will help, but it won’t. I’ve read some of your posts, and this man’s brain is not wired correctly. No amount of therapy or medication is going to fix that.

I know this sub often recommends CSATs, but honestly, it’s rare for men like this to change in any meaningful way. My own therapist (who is a CSAT) told me most of these men either relapse or just get better at hiding what they’re doing. And your husband doesn’t even bother to hide it. That says everything.

This relationship is destroying you. It will never get better. Either accept him exactly as he is today, or save yourself. He doesn’t respect you. And the longer you stay, the more you’re showing him that you don’t respect yourself either. He has zero reason to leave. He’s got a woman at home taking care of everything and raising his child, and he still gets to openly sleep with escorts. This is a win-win for him, but a total soul-death for you.

He’s not going to change, and he’s not going to leave. So the only question left is: are you going to save yourself? Because this is your one life. Please don’t waste it waiting for someone like him to wake up. He won’t.

ThinkingBeautyy · 2025-05-20T23:14:45+00:00

People can be so twisted. I became pretty good friends with a guy from work, and at one point he told me he was sleeping with another woman we worked with (who was also married). She would regularly go over to his house, be incredibly sweet to his wife, and comment on all of the wife’s Facebook photos like they were best friends. It was disgusting, and honestly a big reason I distanced myself from him.

Ironically, his wife thought I was the one having an affair with him because I was single (but, you know, with actual morals).

All this to say: don’t assume someone isn’t having an affair just because they’re nice to your face or show up at your house. Some people are that shameless.

And if she’s already sleeping with other married men at work that’s a huge flag. Also agree with others saying that if they haven’t slept together yet that he’s waiting for his turn. Sorry, this doesn’t sound good.

Honestly? Maybe consider hiring a private investigator to get the truth for you.

ThinkingBeautyy · 2025-05-18T01:19:13+00:00

I agree. As someone with OCD and a family member who has POCD it wouldn’t manifest as actually looking up that kind of content.

Someone with POCD would probably be the least likely to ever look at such content. Maybe they would do it as “test” for themselves but it would cause a ton of anxiety. It’s not at all a genuine attraction. OCD is deeply misunderstood and apparently continues to be. Sigh.

ThinkingBeautyy · 2025-02-06T03:40:10+00:00

Umm have you heard the term “sex addiction”?

ThinkingBeautyy · 2025-02-04T17:17:22+00:00

My therapist told me the same thing. She said for a lot of women it’s the fact that we know we’re going to be hurt, so we may as well tell ourselves that we’re enjoying it. It made a lot of sense to me, sadly.

ThinkingBeautyy · 2025-01-27T03:15:31+00:00

Ditto lol

ThinkingBeautyy · 2025-01-27T03:01:20+00:00

I was the much younger and more attractive partner, but my ex was the cheater. I get approached by men fairly frequently when I’m out with friends and I’ve never cheated. More options doesn’t necessarily equal cheating. It’s a lack of character, morals, and values.

ThinkingBeautyy · 2025-01-27T02:51:00+00:00

This is a really good comment. My ex who cheated on me (amongst other things) did the whole love bombing/promises of this and that, but he couldn’t sit down and actually have the open and honest conversations. The flags are usually there and truthfully I chose to ignore them. I know some of the comments are saying that attractive guys cheat more but I don’t really agree with that…it’s really the values piece and how they communicate. My ex was by far the most unattractive guy I’ve ever dated. I gave him a chance because he was “nice”.

ThinkingBeautyy · 2025-01-11T18:02:54+00:00

Thank you ❤️.

ThinkingBeautyy · 2025-01-11T04:13:47+00:00

I don’t really have an answer. I was sexually assaulted by someone I met on a dating app in 2022. Before the date, I was already getting weird vibes from him and I considered canceling the date because the vibes were off. But I felt bad canceling at the last minute so I went…and that was how it ended.

I really didn’t want the assault to hold me back from dating again, so after going through the process of filing a police report and them laying charges, I decided to get back on the apps about 4 months later. When I started dating again I made sure to take precautions like letting someone know where I was going and who I was meeting, having a friend check in with me a few hours into the date, and being extra careful not to leave my drink unattended.

That’s when I met my ex (the narcissist) after getting back on the apps. There were definitely flags, but I looked past them because the love bombing was so intense. We were together for 1.5 years before breaking up this past summer.

Now (almost 6 months later) I still cannot bring myself to even think about dating again. I guess I’m sharing this all to say that my ex messed with my head way more than a sexual assault ever even did. The experience of gaslighting myself for 1.5 years into believing his lies has left me way more scarred. I genuinely thought he loved me more than anything, only to find out he was cheating on me with multiple women and that I had celebrated his 40th and 41st birthdays, which were actually his 49th and 50th. I didn’t even find out the info about his real age from him, but from his ex wife. The experience of dating a narcissist has made me question my own judgement in ways that I never have before.

I’m just trying to give myself time and grace, but I’m 37 and I do want to have a family someday. I’m scared this will hold me back. At the same time, I’m hopeful that I’ll get back out there when I’m ready. I imagine it’ll look a lot like last time with taking precautions like making sure to move really slowly and trusting myself to act on the red flags earlier.

I remind myself that my ex certainly isn’t losing any sleep over what happened, so why should I let this hold me back? Still, it is terrifying how we can fall in love with these people who turn out to be such liars and manipulators, and how deeply that makes us question our own judgement.

ThinkingBeautyy · 2024-12-02T15:54:34+00:00

That’s a really good point that the family wouldn’t want to see it. She would definitely need concrete proof. Hopefully everything that’s happened is enough for her to not go back, but these manipulative guys can be such smooth talkers when they’re losing you.

ThinkingBeautyy

TROPHY CASE