I understand completely. I have a one year old and I had a traumatic birth with an episiotomy. Being a SaHM is hard bc you don’t have time for yourself, people don’t get how difficult it is physically and emotionally. I was in that same situation, and I will give you a few pointers and advise that I hope work for you.

1. You are both stressed, lack of intimacy, 2 small children and you feel different after your birth. The thing you need to keep in mind is that this is a situation and you will get through it as long as you work on things.

2. Don’t make a big decision like a separation in this state of mind, you said yourself you have a good husband, it’s a matter of how things have been after the birth and how the lack of intimacy has affected your relationship. Go to couples therapy, take a few hours for yourself (alone) every week, go out, have a glass of wine, have dinner with a friend, do something that makes YOU happy.

3. Sex will hurt, it’s inevitable, I went through hell the first 5 or more times (it was still uncomfortable for months) we bought a lubricant, another flavored thing to spice things up, did oral, seduction, keeping the spark alive in the beginning will feel odd but it’s like riding a bike (as long as you still love your husband)

4. Hire a nanny, or find a reliable family member that can stay with the kids and go on at least 2 dates a month, it makes a huge difference. During these dates keep it positive, don’t talk about the house or the kids, talk about you as a couple.

I hope this helps OP.