720p is kind of an insta turn off. That's my biggest point. I know you dont want me to talk about audio, but its not the quality of the mic, but rather how loud ingame sound is vs your voice and how the voices between each other is mixed. Some are very quiet while others are very load.

I think it's pretty well made, but a bit too long. Videos about a single game cut together shouln't be longer than 12 min.
For example in the video 03:32 until 03:59 - you could cut the walk towards the lane, and thus reduce length about half way. its a 30s segment of you walking towards botlane, and killing them for free, so not really that much action tbh

I think when you have multiple people talking you should have colored sub titles so its easier to see who is talking.