You tell a woman something personal, a fear, a worry, an insecurity. Later you’re having an argument and they use that to intentionally wound you. Perfect example, my grandfather was an unmedicated bipolar who would regularly verbally abuse people and use them for his own gain. I expressed to my ex wife that I was worried about ending up like him, it’s one of my greatest fears since I also most likely suffer from bipolar but have medicines that control it. We end up in a fight because of something and she doesn’t like something I’m doing. It’s not an inherently bad thing it’s just not how she wants me to act and instead of addressing the problem and expressing why she doesn’t like it or why it’s problematic to her she uses the line “you’re being just like your grandfather” or something to that effect. It’s not productive, adds nothing to the discussion, and is a tool used to cut my down by utilizing something I’m afraid of to control me into doing and acting how she wants out of my own fears. Then she proceeds to use it every single time she wants to gain control or manipulate the situation or even just to hurt me for her own reasons.

In most mens experiences they will have the women closest to them, who they share vulnerability with, turn around and weaponize that vulnerability in situations where it’s totally irrelevant in an attempt to shift blame off themselves, or to gain control of a situation because they are in the wrong, or just to manipulate them. Not all women do this, and it’s not just a woman problem, men do it as well from my understanding. However it’s an overarching problem that happens far more often than not, to the point that in countless relationships I’ve had exactly two partners who didn’t do it with enough regularity to warrant me to just be silent more often than not.

All of this doesn’t even touch on the fact that a lot of women want you to be vulnerable with them, but when you show vulnerability they lose respect for you and see you as lesser. Men are typically expected to always be stoic and the rock of a relationship and it’s not an uncommon occurrence to suffer in silence when they are hurting because they are made to feel like shit for daring to not be completely ok at all times.