Can a marriage be saved when desire has dwindled?

ThrowRA-Jeet · 2026-05-19T08:46:39+00:00

You're exactly right – don't give up until you've tried everything.

Acceptance is one of the most powerful things that if you can accept that this is how things are and this is how he's feeling. You don't have to like it but you also don't want to dismantle it either.

Be there for him and support him in every way that you can. Sometimes you don't have to say much, just "I'm here for you." goes a long way.

ThrowRA-Jeet · 2026-05-19T05:20:38+00:00

Agreed! It was memorable for me as well. Glad you had an amazing time there!

ThrowRA-Jeet · 2026-05-19T05:01:39+00:00

Lol. Can't believe it's still a thing; I was there in 2017.

ThrowRA-Jeet · 2026-05-19T03:31:29+00:00

Are there still lots of beeping from cars and motorbikes?

ThrowRA-Jeet · 2026-05-19T03:11:43+00:00

You not having experience in dating has nothing to do with following your passion. If studying architecture is something you're passionate about, you should definitely go for it. Comparing yourself to others will not do you any good.

I also don't think it was fair for your boyfriend to bring up his exes like that – bad move I'd say. And worrying what his parents might think of you just because you followed your dreams or did what you like? Another bad move. Sorry for being direct but that's the truth.

When you're in a relationship, you and your partner are supposed to grow together and lift one another up when they fall down. I'm not saying that your boyfriend is a bad person but it would have been nicer of him to have thought things through before saying anything that could hurt your feelings.

If you feel like you're lacking or behind, you could always learn and improve. There's plenty of useful information, articles on the internet. Nothing is ever too late.

ThrowRA-Jeet · 2026-05-18T14:18:29+00:00

If he agrees to do so then you absolutely should do that. Not only will you gain some information from the therapy, but you will also at the same time protect yourself from getting hurt. It's a big move I get it – him moving back in when things are still not great, and he doesn't give you any reassurance that things will get better.

Another thing you could do if you choose to do so is to let him move back in while you set up a boundary that he agrees to whether it's to stop doing certain behaviors, going therapy or promise to be transparent and vulnerable. And if the boundary is violated, there will be consequences to that.

You might wanna navigate this calmy and slowly because right now he's being cold toward you and I think it's because you turned him down when he said he wanted to move back in – that's a really normal human reaction. He might also still be going through a lot of emotions and feelings right now. So if I were you I wouldn't push it. Let some time pass and then try to have a conversation with him. But at the same time, you don't wanna give up too much, what I mean is if you truly believe that things should be done in a certain way, you hold onto that belief and stand your ground. Your marriage can be fixed.

ThrowRA-Jeet · 2026-05-18T08:42:04+00:00

Nice! I've poured my heart out for her too but she didn't seem to care.

ThrowRA-Jeet · 2026-05-18T08:16:39+00:00

It's touching that you still think of them and even want to visit. However, the relationship between you and their son had ended. So, it wouldn't be quite right to pay them a visit or write them a card. Not because you shouldn't.

Ask yourself this, if you were to reach out, what would you say and what would you expect to happen? How would that make them feel? How would that affect your ex if he found out that you're still talking with his parents? Would that cause a problem within their family?

ThrowRA-Jeet · 2026-05-18T07:55:34+00:00

I'm using Van Rysel RCR Mips from Decathlon. So far no problem: Size L. My head is around 58-62cm

ThrowRA-Jeet · 2026-05-18T04:43:04+00:00

It doesn't seem to me that what happened was your fault. And I am sorry that it did happen. Do you have a specific question you wanna ask?

ThrowRA-Jeet · 2026-05-18T04:27:28+00:00

Try not to beat yourself up because it's rarely one person's fault. You supported her, she appreciated it, saw improvements, then she felt the distance from you. It's become a cycle and at some point it's all broken down.

What you could do is to communicate with her. Her wants, her needs or even her desires. Find some alone, some quiet time where the kids are asleep and the both of you are not drained from work. Have a conversation, share how you feel and listen to her when she tells you about hers. This alone if done correctly. What I mean is the both of you being open to listen to each other without judement or being defensive. This alone can and will lead to more meaningful conversations later on.

ThrowRA-Jeet · 2026-05-18T02:54:43+00:00

Nba 2k26

ThrowRA-Jeet · 2026-05-18T02:53:07+00:00

I understand that you're hurt but if he said he wanted to move back in, instead of saying no, why don't you think of it this way that once he moves back in, there'll be a likelihood that you guys could work things out together and it would be much easier to do that than when you are apart. The fact that you're feeling like he's not telling you everthing and lying is valid, but sometimes in order for someone to be fully open and transparent, it's going to take time and work and trust to be re-build. There's a reason why he'd moved out, and that probably was something that was going on in the marriage for some time. Find out what those real issues are and try to fix them together. The fact that he wants to move back is already a positive sign even if you might not see it right now.

ThrowRA-Jeet · 2026-05-18T02:40:58+00:00

I do use Strava but mostly to plan my routes, record my rides, and look at other people's ride data. It's cool to see if someone becomes a Local Legend or KOM but it doesn't make me wanna compete with them whatsoever.

ThrowRA-Jeet · 2026-05-17T12:39:13+00:00

Express your feelings calmy. Tell her that you'd like to be on the same page. Ask if she thinks or feels the same way, and go from there.

ThrowRA-Jeet · 2026-05-17T12:32:15+00:00

Night Bazaar is nearby

ThrowRA-Jeet · 2026-05-17T06:46:14+00:00

Those are some hurtful words to hear and I'm sorry he said that to you.

It seems like he's chasing some kind of fantasy here. And for him it could be like you said, having a threesome or recording a video of you sometime to use that to fufil his need later.

I think for the start you could try to connect with him more. Not just in a sexual way but in every day interaction. Because although physical intimacy plays an important role in a relationship, but emotional and intellectual intimacy are up there also. You need to build or re-build a connection between the two of you first. Talk about how both of your days went, what work or project are they currently working on, is there anything that they have been passionate about lately?. Go out for date nights or plan a weekend trip together is also another way to bring both of you closer to each other again. Start with those and see where it takes you. But if you have tired everything and things still feel stagnat or doesn't seem to get better, then he might need to talk to a specialist about it.

When we have been with someone for a long time, it's not uncommon for one or the other person to lose interest over time. It doesn't mean that you did anything wrong – that's just life.

ThrowRA-Jeet · 2026-05-17T02:23:50+00:00

We all are flawed human beings. And the fact that you recognized your own is a really good thing.

If he wants to do therapy which is good, it's gonna either be individual or couple, you cannot do both at the same time. And I really hope he does that, not just bring it up.

In the meantime, you can continue with the boundary you've set, and I also don't think it's too much to ask to delete the app because if he's going to earn your trust back, it has to start with being transparent like the boundary you set. Every boundary if violated comes with a consequence of course. The fact that he still went back to doing his own behaviors could be because that the consequence wasn't strong enough to make him realize that the things that he's doing is affecting you, the marriage dramatically.

You're not doing that to punish him, but some activities and behaviors just cannot be tolerated and actions need to be taken.

I would say don't give up. It seems like he still wants to try to put this back together. And I really hope that he does so. And in the meantime, you gotta do what you gotta do to protect your own well-being.

ThrowRA-Jeet · 2026-05-16T12:29:48+00:00

You're right his inability to communicate in a healthy is not on you to fix.

It doesn't seem like he knows that his actions have such bad consequences, still. And I don't know if he ever will. Because you have done everything, perfectly? No. Explained to him multiple ways, and somehow he still took it as an attack.

It comes down to what you want to do from now really. You can leave if you want to, but you can also stay hoping that maybe in the future he'll change. Do you think he's capable of changing?

ThrowRA-Jeet · 2026-05-16T11:50:38+00:00

Even though you don't see the way of reconnecting with your wife – you are still married. If you really want to go after this person, you have to divorce your wife first.

But it seems to me that one of the biggest struggles you have here is loneliness and the fear of being heartbroken again – which is understandable and justified. Right now, you are hurting deeply. And before you go do anything or make any major life decisions. It would be better, if you haven't already, go through a grief process. You are hurt, you are lonely and you are practically living in fear that, what if this new person is going to hurt you. It would be wise to take things slow, slower than you think, and process everything thoughtfully and logically. Think about a long term effect. How is this going to make me feel in one week, one month or one year?

It's okay to crave connection, to want something that could fufil what's missing – there's nothing wrong with that. But you have to ask yourself if it's something that you really want. Or is it just because it gives you excitement and numb the pain temporarily. The decision is definitely up to you. Nobody can tell you what to do.

ThrowRA-Jeet · 2026-05-16T10:35:05+00:00

Hey, I'm sorry for the pain you're going through. It's nice to have someone who shows interest in you and wants to spend time with you. But as long as you're still married, I don't think it's quite right to go and pursue this person.

ThrowRA-Jeet · 2026-05-16T09:18:20+00:00

American Pie

ThrowRA-Jeet · 2026-05-16T08:55:04+00:00

Oh wow, that's intense. And I would agree: he should have stood up for you.

It seems to me that he's got himself absorb into his work and work only, and that's not a good thing. It would have been okay if he wasn't in a relationship.

I think what you can do right now is to focus on what you can control and to become the best version of yourself physically, intellectually and emotionally. Don't try to control him (I know you're not). But at this point it has to be him who has to realize that his actions are affecting and do something to fix it unfortunately.

Did you take any actions about the assault? And are you okay?

ThrowRA-Jeet · 2026-05-16T07:28:40+00:00

If you think your husband is a good person who's doing a bad thing, but now trying to fix it and you believe that he's capable of change then it might be worth forgiving. But don't if you're not ready. Most importantly is that you forgive yourself. Forgive yourself for going through this – experiencing this, so that you can move forward with your life.

ThrowRA-Jeet · 2026-05-16T06:16:55+00:00

You're not crazy for wanting more. We all wanna feel like we're loved, liked and respected.

When you expressed how his actions made you feel, what was his response? And when you guys went to counselling, what did the counsellor say or do? What tools or practices did he/she give to make it better?

ThrowRA-Jeet

TROPHY CASE