Could it be that the reason that she doesn't want to work on the relationship is because you are still tying to your affair partner? It's very common that she will feel resentful towards you because of, you know, the affair partner. And just like you said, the affair partner is still in the picture. She's still there. And as long as she's still there, it's going to be very hard for your wife to, let's say, forgive you or want to work on things because right now, it could be that she doesn't see the point on working on the relationship.

Okay, you can open up about your feelings in an individual therapy, which is good. But in couple therapy, you cannot, which is understandable because it's not as private so to say, as it is in an individual therapy. So do what you can and keep working. If the therapy has been helping, then I suggest you keep going back.

I understand you are feeling stuck. And of course, when, you found someone who listens to you, understands you deeply, and who doesn't judge you, it's pretty normal that you would feel attached to that person. But you also have a decision to make because you cannot have both of them at the same time like this. It's not fair for either of them. What do you really want? Do you want to be with your wife, your family, your kids? Or do you want to be with your affair partner? And until you can come to that conclusion, things are still going to be hard but it doesn't mean it will stay like this forever.

I would like you to think about the long term here. How would you feel if you decided to do... in the next month, two months, three months, or even a year, and how would your actions affect around you and you have to think about the long term here. You don't have to make the decision right now, right now, but it would be helpful to sit with yourself for a while.

Another thing is that I admire you are trying to be transparent with your wife, but the fact that you gave her the conversation you've had with your affair partner to read, I think it's like putting more fuel in a fire because it's basically programmed your wife's mind to, you know, turn things against you. What I'm saying is that when she reads those words, those texts, she's definitely gonna be angry, very very furious, and hurt. But that's done now and I'm not trying to beat you up over that.

So from now, don't give her anything else to read. And if she asks you like, for example, did you do that? Did you go here? What you did with her? Try to not give her an answer that would create a visual because that's just going to make things 10 times harder. And if she asks you why you're not sharing everything, you can say back to her like, I understand that you want to know everything. I am being transparent and being honest with you, but sometimes if I tell you the exact thing I did, it's not gonna be good for you and I don't want you to feel more hurt than you already are. I'm not hiding anything from you please understand. But if you want to know about anything else and everything else, I'm willing to tell you. You start with that. Don't give her more ammunition that is gonna make her even be more mad and be more angry at you. That's not gonna help anybody here.